Sometimes in the night, I wake with an image of my terrified mother in her last moments on earth. It is only an image but to me it is as painful as if it were real. The source of my nightmare is the fact that when the time came for her to go I was not there to help her. Three years earlier I had left the Tudor house, moving twice before settling alone in a tower of apartments in the Los Angeles marina. It was one of more than twenty addresses I have called home. The apartment was only a short drive from the hospital where my mother lay dying, but by the time someone called me and I was able to reach her, she was already gone.
It was this phone call that planted in my mind the suffering image that wakes me in the night. The manager of the home was on the line telling me how my mother had started out of her sleep and summoned one of the strangers to come to her bedside. When the stranger came, my mother said, “Something is terribly wrong,” as though what was wrong might not be happening to her. It was the impersonal voice my mother had used her whole life to avoid what appeared to be embarrassments to self. The Angel of Death had come for her, but she called for help in a way that would not draw unnecessary attention to the one who was in need. This is the painful image that harrows my sleep and leaves me with feelings of helplessness and despair. When these nightmares come, I comfort myself with the thought that had I reached her in time, it would only have been to see her off to where I could not follow her, to the horizon each of us must meet alone.
– The End of Time
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- From the Pen of David Horowitz: December 25, 2009
- From the Interviews of David Horowitz: December 28, 2009
- From the Speeches of David Horowitz: December 20, 2009