Glenn Greenwald makes me as mad as this phoenix
Sometimes I doubt my ambition to become a famous cultural commentator, and then I look at twits like Glenn Greenwald and am reassured.
Greenwald is angry that John McCain is angry — angry that the Iranian regime spends more money on finding ways to blow up innocent civilians than on enriching the quality of life of the citizenry. Greenwald — the other ranting, ideological Glenn — reminds us breathlessly that the United States is also killing innocent civilians in its occupation of Afghanistan. One can see him grinning behind his computer screen, thinking he’s one-upped the conventional wisdom. In his frantic quest to bash the United States, he may have missed the fact that Hezbollah is actually trying to blow up civilians.
But if the United States isn’t busy killing civilians, it’s partaking in its second-favorite activity — ravaging the lives of the poor! Greenwald reminds us of the “weak safety net” that’s being slashed by wicked politicians who take delight in taking away old people’s medicine.
Anyone who hears the phrase “weak safety net” and immediately thinks of the United States knows literally nothing about history or economics. To Greenwald, anything short of a car in every garage and an X-Box in every living room turns a community into the wretched of the Earth. Maybe if someone tells Greenwald about the government’s “weak safety net” for their country’s poor — also known as “the Iranian people” — he’ll finally become outraged at Ali Khamenei.
But now that Greenwald has decided that Khamenei cares for his citizens “at least” (!) as much as Obama and McCain care about theirs, he has come to a perfect justification for the Iranian nuclear program: “Those murderous monsters! What kind of evil fanatics would want a nuclear weapons capability?,” he asks sarcastically. He pats himself on the back for his courage in Speaking Truth to Power, reminding us of his Brave Dissent in recognizing “our media’s refusal to report that we ourselves frequently do exactly that which we like to believe only the Bad, Tyrannical countries do.”
Half-wits like Greenwald think that the nuclear weapons themselves are the root of the problem, rather than those who possess them. They read their copy of Noam Chomsky’s “Interventions” and have a half-baked epiphany: We don’t want the Iranians to have nukes…but we have nukes, too! Um, yeah — and? Iran is a Bad, Tyrannical country, after all. If it were a Good, Non-Tyrannical country — like, say, Israel, France, or the United States — we wouldn’t care so much. But it’s not, and we do. And I think even Greenwald knows this: I’m sure even brave dissenters like him wouldn’t care to swap places with a dissenting Iranian journalist. You know, someone with actual brains — and actual courage.
Talk to Alex Knepper at firstname.lastname@example.org