Cosmopolitan magazine has taken a break from its regularly scheduled hard-hitting reporting on sex, men, crisis stories designed to terrify young women, hair, make-up, and overpriced fashion that no average woman could possibly afford to let all of you Cosmo Girls out there know about the hottest new accessory: a baster baby!
See, Cosmopolitan (and their sisters-in-arms, the fascist feminist gender bigots) has been telling women for years that they don’t need a man, that they can work and be single through their thirties and never regret it. Reality, of course, is different, and many single childless women reach their thirties wishing they’d chosen to have children. Have no fear, says the August issue of Cosmo! You can artificially inseminate yourself, and it’s as easy as online dating.
No father for the baby? No problem! Dads are a pain. Being a single mom is so much better because you’ll never have to worry about icky stuff like compromising or considering anyone else’s opinion. Welcome to the new Cosmo world, where babies are practically fashion accessories and men are unnecessary.
Celebrities started the baby-as-fashion-accessory trend, and it’s slowly trickled down into American culture. Stars like Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton, Sheryl Crow, Sandra Bullock, Edie Falco, and Calista Flockhart all adopted babies as single mothers. Serial single adopters include Angelina Jolie (who adopted two children as a single mother) and Mia Farrow, who adopted a whopping six. When gal pal Nicole Ritchie had a baby, Paris Hilton very publicly announced she was considering having a baby, because she had always wanted to have babies at the same time as Nicole. Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston have also both publicly proclaimed that they were considering adopting children as single mothers. These celebs use their children as fashion props, proudly flashing them across the covers of celebrity tabloids, and then surely handing them over to nannies when they get home. Having children to these stars is like the newest diet fad in Hollywood. Life feeling a little bit empty? Jealous that your hot, famous ex-husband has a wife and a family? Want to make over your bad girl image? Adopting a kid will do all of that for you, and you get bonus points if your child is plucked out of some impoverished African country.
Hollywood has happily gone right along with the single mother-worship, with Tina Fey’s film Baby Mama, the recent Jennifer Lopez movie The Backup Plan, and an upcoming Jennifer Aniston film The Switch, all of which feature single women who undergo artificial insemination or surrogacy. Face it, celebrities have done a lot to make single motherhood trendy today. And Cosmopolitan always has to stay on top of all the latest trends!