To Hitchens, with Love: Two Tickets to Paradise, Please! (Just not in North Korea.)


Dearest Christopher,

Thank you so much for forgiving me for my part in our last tiff.  I promise to only call you Christopher from now on.  (Except in private, you naughty cad, you!)

I’m so grateful for your travel recommendations, as well.  You know how I was looking forward to my trip to North Korea (I adore nations of racist dwarves)!  However, given your warnings, such as:

Every child is told every day of the wonderful possibility of death by immolation in the service of the motherland and taught not to fear the idea of war, not even a nuclear one.

and:

First, when viewed by satellite photography at night, it is an area of unrelieved darkness. Barely a scintilla of light is visible even in the capital city.

How would I use my hair straightener?  Finally, this:

Starving and stunted dwarves, living in the dark, kept in perpetual ignorance and fear, brainwashed into the hatred of others, regimented and coerced and inculcated with a death cult: This horror show is in our future, and is so ghastly that our own darling leaders dare not face it and can only peep through their fingers at what is coming.

Yes, I think I’ll pass.  As much as I love Stephen King nightmare circus shows, this seems a vision too dreadful to entertain.  It’s a good thing we can sleep easily, knowing our President has this menace contained!

Now, could you tell me a bit about Venezuela?  I’ve heard it’s lovely in the summertime.

Smitten,

Diane

P.S. You looked dashing at the Daily Caller launch party.  (1:17)