Très Chic, Newsweek: Tired Jabs Make For Shoddy Poetry


You’re really going to love this gem from Jerry Adler at Newsweek.  I mean, it’s just so special.

I can see them now, tightly huddled, reading it with bated breath, tittering, grabbing each other in fits and peals of delirious laughter, “OMG, no wayyyyy.  That’s so…bad!”  Real inventive, too.  Great idea ramming MSNBC talking points and every single hyperbolic comedian’s conception into a solitary, sub-par effort at heroic couplet.  Savor the banality:

Win a Date With Sarah Palin

Win a date with Sarah Palin!

Be among the first to mail in

A boxtop from your favorite ammo

A picture of yourself in camo

And you can take her someplace glam-o!

Imagine how their eyes will pop

When into ‘21’ you drop

With the twinkly winky Fox

Talking head that’s full of rocks.

You’ll draw jealous looks and stares

As you discuss the world’s affairs

She’ll ask you why they needed two

Koreas, wouldn’t just one do?

You’ll ask her how she views the Fed

She’ll show you pictures of Todd’s sled.

Then here’s an outing sure to please:

A party thrown by Gay Talese.

With Woody Allen, Kati Marton

Steven Spielberg, Mischa Barton

Mayor Bloomberg, Charlie Rose

And some professor no one knows

In a dhoti and a turban

A specialist in third-world urban

Epidemiology.

He wrote a book. Well, so did she.

And as reward for all her pains

You can take her to Elaine’s!

And there’ll be no more blogs or tweets

From her, denouncing the elites.

She’ll never shoot another moose.

She’ll sip white wine and nibble goose

Pate, and tote those  Birkin bags

And editors of women’s mags

Like Cosmopolitan and Vogue

Will proclaim a hot new look: The Rogue.

And as she fashions new opinions

Abhorrent to Tea Party minions

You’d have to use a strong ablative

To convey how she went native.

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