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Très Chic, Newsweek: Tired Jabs Make For Shoddy Poetry
Posted By Diane Suffern On January 15, 2010 @ 1:22 pm In NewsReal Blog | No Comments
You’re really going to love this gem from Jerry Adler at Newsweek. I mean, it’s just so special.
I can see them now, tightly huddled, reading it with bated breath, tittering, grabbing each other in fits and peals of delirious laughter, “OMG, no wayyyyy. That’s so…bad!” Real inventive, too. Great idea ramming MSNBC talking points and every single hyperbolic comedian’s conception into a solitary, sub-par effort at heroic couplet. Savor the banality:
Win a date with Sarah Palin!
Be among the first to mail in
A boxtop from your favorite ammo
A picture of yourself in camo
And you can take her someplace glam-o!
Imagine how their eyes will pop
When into ‘21’ you drop
With the twinkly winky Fox
Talking head that’s full of rocks.
You’ll draw jealous looks and stares
As you discuss the world’s affairs
She’ll ask you why they needed two
Koreas, wouldn’t just one do?
You’ll ask her how she views the Fed
She’ll show you pictures of Todd’s sled.
Then here’s an outing sure to please:
A party thrown by Gay Talese.
With Woody Allen, Kati Marton
Steven Spielberg, Mischa Barton
Mayor Bloomberg, Charlie Rose
And some professor no one knows
In a dhoti and a turban
A specialist in third-world urban
He wrote a book. Well, so did she.
And as reward for all her pains
You can take her to Elaine’s!
And there’ll be no more blogs or tweets
From her, denouncing the elites.
She’ll never shoot another moose.
She’ll sip white wine and nibble goose
Pate, and tote those Birkin bags
And editors of women’s mags
Like Cosmopolitan and Vogue
Will proclaim a hot new look: The Rogue.
And as she fashions new opinions
Abhorrent to Tea Party minions
You’d have to use a strong ablative
To convey how she went native.
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