Man, I thought this horrific trend was on its way out. Apparently, it’s surfacing in—of all places—Saudi frickin’ Arabia! The Saudi religious police have arrested 10 women for dressing emo-style. For those that do not know what an emo is, the link explains:
The trend is characterised by wearing skinny black jeans, tennis shoes, colourful T-shirts bearing the names of emo bands, heavy make up and sharply chopped and sometimes radically coloured hair-dos.
This news tells us a few things. For one, if I have a son, I may have to bar him from leaving my house until he stops wearing girl-pants and eyeliner. Secondly, this shows that Western culture has penetrated Saudi Arabia FAR more than it seems. This is a major act of defiance against Sharia Law and the type of Islam promoted in the country. Despite my annoyance with emos (I once saw teenage boys force themselves to cry during a concert where Dashboard Confessional played), this is a very positive sign.
But this doesn’t mean that we should embrace emo culture. This is a threat to humanity. Below is the text of a speech I gave in community college during my public speaking class when we were tasked with explaining a gripe and providing a solution:
The problem that annoys me the most is one that threatens the survival of mankind. This threat is a trend that turns a regular teenage boy into a half-girl, half-boy hybrid known as an emo.
You’ve all seen these emo kids. They’re the kids that act like they don’t care about anything, but they really care about everything. They’re the guys that wear tight girl-pants and eye makeup.
They look like Boy George and Marilyn Manson had babies. And they say loudly so everyone can hear, ‘Screw school man, I’m going to start a band!’
In their free time, they sit in a corner singing about how no one likes them while playing an acoustic guitar and calling their whining ‘music.’
These creatures known as emo kids can’t be labeled girls, but they can’t be labeled guys either. This threatens the survival of the human race as more and more kids become a-sexual emo punks.
The opposition to my view, which consists only of emo kids because everyone else finds them as weird as I do, say they can technically reproduce. But do you really want people like them reproducing?
My solution is to reform them. I propose we take doses of testosterone from every person leaving their local gym, which will then be injected into each emo. Hopefully, this will turn them back into the straight, masculine men that they were meant to be. Thank you.