The Day of the Locust

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Back in July 2007, Iranian intelligence services detained fourteen squirrels on grounds of carrying out espionage for the West, alleging that the perfidious rodents were equipped with “spy gear of foreign agencies.” Before we dismiss this disturbing revelation as an instance of mental instability, we should note that no less a figure than Iranian police commander, Esmaili Ahmadi-Moqadam, confirmed the report, which surely inspires confidence. Although Israel is not mentioned by name, there can be no question that the Mossad is the primary suspect.

The Egyptians, too, seem to be privy to the ostensible machinations of the Mossad. When a shark killed a German tourist in the waters off a Red Sea resort, the governor of South Sinai, Mohamed Abdel Fadil Shousha, speculated that it was not “out of the question” that Israel could have planned the attacks on tourists to harm the local economy. Again, we should not assume that the Egyptians are prone to jumping the shark for, as many authorities on Middle East affairs will attest, the Egyptians are paragons of veracity. There is, nonetheless, the dilemma that Israeli tourists frequent these Red Sea resorts in great numbers, but then, a Jewish shark might be expected to be selective.

Not to be left behind, the Saudis have recently flaunted their state-of-the-art deterrent capabilities, arresting a vulture presumably dispatched by the Mossad to reconnoiter and test the desert kingdom’s defensive readiness. According to reports, “The global positioning transmitter and a leg bracelet marked ‘R65 – Tel Aviv University’ were perceived by the Saudis as sophisticated espionage equipment to allow the bird to send intelligence back to Israel. The Saudi newspaper al-Weeam said residents of the area in which the bird was caught called the tracking paraphernalia evidence of a Zionist plot.” The explanation that the poor bird was part of an Israeli research program studying migration patterns is greeted as just another instance of Zionist disinformation meant to distract attention from its covert operations.

We recall that Sudan has accused Israel of releasing a spy pelican over its territory and Libya has suspected Israel of infecting mosquitoes with HIV. And who can forget one of the most dastardly of bruited Israeli plots, as reported in two Palestinian newspapers, Al-Ayyam and Al-Hayat Al-Jadida, on July 17 and 18, 2008, respectively. It appears that the Mossad loosed a pack of giant rats into the streets of Jerusalem in order to “turn the residents’ life into a living hell, forcing them to leave” (Al-Ayyam). How the rats were able to distinguish between Arab and Jew is an enigma which must await further elucidation—unless, of course, these were Jewish rats fed on matzah and instructed in the subtleties of the Talmud.

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  • ze-ev ben jehudah

    The one whom I don't want to mention by name.The one who runs the universe!!
    Yes him I mean. He ordered me personally to put chips in every Jew on earth,
    just under the skin of the forehead,and when that is done all those who have'nt
    got one just you behave.I only have to point my finger at you and PUFFF a bit of
    dust is all that will remain. Just to warn you beforehand!! the job is allmost done.

    • gwawr

      you're an idiot.

  • sflbib

    And these are the same people we keep trying to negotiate a peace settlement with.

    • Bert

      Yes, these are indeed the very same people who are our 'peace partners' and one has to wonder if our Jewish leaders have also lost their minds.

      • sflbib

        And I suspect our side has lost sight of the goal and negotiates for the sake of negotiation.

  • Andres de Alamaya

    Well, obviously the shark killer off Egypt was Spielberg's mechanical shark from JAWS refitted with remote control to ruin Egypt's tourism. But seriously, out of these nutty accusations may come some effective developments. How about an underwater version of the drones? Shark sized subs able to navigate without refueling for months, that can deliver intelligence or fire mini-torpedoes or act as torpedoes themselves. Of course Israel could always train pigeons to poop on presidential palaces and mosques.

  • 080

    I notice that Sandy has not appeared in the latest Sponge Bob Squarepants episodes. She may have been recruited by CIA or other likely suspects. In case you didn't know Sandy is Sponge Bob's friend and is a squirrel and also lives in Bikini Bottom at the bottom of the sea.

  • Only Me

    Why not "accidentally" overturn a truck full of pigs in the "arab sectors" and watch the fun.
    Or even better; turn an army of pigs loose at the border. What's a muslim to do?

  • Amused

    …and such is the mentality of barbarians .Consider these things well , before you take your stand ….on the side of civilised men ….or uncivilised men

  • Amused

    …..vulture arrested as a zionist spy , squirrels detained as zionist spies , zionist trained rodents unleashed on Jerusalem arabs , zionist trained sharks to attack tourists in Egypt … it any wonder , that there is no peace between Israel and her deranged neighbors ? Defense and vigilance is all that will sustain Israel's existence ……pray for Israel .

  • kafir4life

    HAHAHAHA!!! Can you imagine what it's like to be that freaking stupid to first believe that a madman pedophile named mohamat is a prophet of God, and to revere him, and smack your head on the floor until you get a good allah bump going (how's yours coming crabnuts?)? If you're that ignorant, you probably *would* believe that them pesky joos are controlling animals to attack the ummah!!

    What a bunch of brain dead dolts!!

    allahu snackbar!

  • A. E. Gelman

    Obviously Islam has a deleterious effect on reason as well as on morals.

  • Alex Bensky

    The explanation that the poor bird was part of an Israeli research program studying migration patterns…"

    That's just what they want you to think. I understand that Sayetet 13 (Flotilla 13), the Israeli naval commandos, are in fact deeply upset that their shark project's cover has been blown.

    As to how to teach rats to distinguish between Jews and non-Jews, nothing is beyond the nefarious Zionist (excuse me, "zionist") reach.

  • A. E. Gelman

    Apparently Islam is deleterious to reason as well as morals.

  • A. E. Gelman

    Actually, they're right. It's all true. THEY SHOULD BE AFRAID, VERY AFRAID!!!!!!!!!!

  • bet

    interesting blog post i just got in to remote control cars myself!