Crazy U

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If you just sent your son or daughter off to college, unsure of your choice and wondering if you should have done more, spent more or prepared more to get them into a “better” or “more selective” institution, relax. You’re not alone.

If you have a junior in high school with good grades, be prepared. You are about to be bombarded with material and advice on how to help get your kid into the “right” university by spending more than an elite education used to cost.

In fact, as Andrew Ferguson of The Weekly Standard’s points out in Crazy U: One Dad’s Crash Course in Getting His Kid into College, his latest superbly realized mix of reporting and memoir, the system is designed to make you feel guilty and inadequate. The very first consultant Ferguson interviewed as he started his research/college search even labeled him a “Baaaaaaad daaaaaad.”

Actually, “designed” may be too grandiose a description of the college search industry, which has sprouted a myriad of contradictory branches thanks to the combination of easily available money and the conviction of parents and teachers that every kid must go to college — and the direction of their life may be determined by which college they go to.

Ferguson’s signature style of humor and pathos is perfect for the personal nature of this topic as he looks at the college search and funding industry through the eyes of a father going through it himself. Like Land of Lincoln, his last great book, this is a pure piece of Americana: part-memoir and part-journalism that offers a trenchant look at a slice of the American identity.

But the book may be just as valuable as a look at the next big economic bubble about to burst in the U.S. economy.

At least the housing industry — whose bubble deflated the entire economy when it burst — was centered around something that was getting bigger and better, even though easy money caused prices to outpace value.  But, as Ferguson points out, can anyone really even say that much about higher education?

Ferguson starts by going to a seminar led by “Kat” Cohen, who sells a service for $40,000 (no, that’s not typo) that maps out a teenager’s life from sophomore year on. Covered are what classes to take, what causes to volunteer for and what jobs to seek out. He later finds equally confident “experts” who can contradict every point of the Cohen plan.

Before grinningly labeling Ferguson a “Baaaaaaad daaaaaad” in their interview because his son had not started on Kat’s track by the beginning of his junior year, Kat gleefully and systematically makes every parent who speaks up in her seminar feel inadequate.  For instance, one Super Kid is criticized because he hadn’t taken enough Advance Placement classes, but she calls another kid a “serial joiner” for taking plenty of them and compiling a resume of after-school activities as long as his arm.

Ferguson documents a process that — mostly inadvertently — corrupts everything it touches. For example:

[*] Schools openly deride the U.S. News and World Report college ratings, then consciously change their policies to compete for a better ranking. They then brag to high heaven when theirs improves.

[*] Some schools solicit applications from kids they know they will turn down because having a lower percentage of applicants accepted makes them “more selective.”

[*] The SATs, originally to ensure college admissions were based on merit, are now considered hopelessly biased, In the process, the tests have been watered down into near uselessness in an attempt to come up with something well-off kids won’t have an advantage in — as though that were even possible.

[*] Kids are encouraged to write wrenchingly self-revealing essays to present to total strangers in the admissions department — or they can pay a consultant to write that essay.

Of course, the worst thing is not what the process does to admissions departments or the anxiety in induces in parents, but what it does to the kids enduring it. As Ferguson writes:

“At its most intense the admissions process didn’t force kids to be Lisa Simpson; it turned them into Eddie Haskell. . . . It guaranteed that teenagers would pursue life with a single ulterior motive, while pretending they weren’t. It coated their every undertaking in a thin lacquer of insincerity. Befriending people in hopes of a good rec letter; serving the community to advertise your big heart; studying hard just to puff up the GPA and climb the greasy poll of class rank — nothing was done for its own sake.”

Easily the funniest chapter is the one in which Ferguson’s son must write his college essay. It’s sheer torture for a normal teenaged boy — not the most introspective species on the planet to start with — who has had a relatively happy life, to wrench angst out of his soul period, much less for the benefit of strangers.

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  • tanstaafl

    For some reason the essay process reminds me of one of Mao's purges in Communist China.

    • zsqpwxxeh

      But without the conical hats, self-denunciation, and demeaning work suitable for an Enemy of the People. That comes later, during the sophomore-junior years.

      "I accuse myself of homophobia, Islamophobia, bigotry, and poor study habits. I have failed to show enthusiasm for the Dear Leader. I have watched Sarah Palin videos and approved of them. Indeed I am a worm. I throw myself on the mercy of the faculty and welcome correction. Let my punishment serve as an example to others…"

  • tagalog

    I thought ''SAT" stood for "Scholastic Aptitude Test." Has it changed at some point during my life's journey?

    • zsqpwxxeh

      What does AARP stand for? Nothing. Consultants "decided" that the acronym had become a name, so it is no longer officially the "American Association of Retired Persons" or whatever the hell originally generated that clownish sound.

      Decadence: A place where hideous acronyms can take on a life of their own.

  • Steve

    “….the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on those people incapable of understanding it….they could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them by the Party”: Orwell.

  • Steve

    In regard to "queer theory" mentioned in the above article, in California schools homo propaganda takes the form as an attack on the "patriarchy" in which masculinity is demonized and boys are urged to "love" other boys. Needless to say, friendship is never mentioned and needs to be killed off by neglect so the homo world view that everything is sexual can prevail. Is this found in other states?.

  • AntiSharia

    The truth of the matter is that most kids don't really need a university education. Liberal arts schools are little more than job certification programs, the curriculum is a joke(American history is non existent, and forget trying to study the classics… too many dead white men.) it's way too expensive and, for the most part, controlled by a left wing thought police. Conservative, and religious parents are forced into a system where they send their children to institutions of higher learning that work overtime to reprogram their offspring to renounce either conservatism, or religion, and the parents get to pay for the privilege of having their children brainwashed. Quite a racket if you can get into it.

  • diewelt

    I really like the european system (at least in some countries) where one can go to university at (almost) no cost. that's a great contribution to society and democracy!