Don’t Worry, Be Muslim

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There’s good news on the horizon. According to Trevor Philips, the head of the UK’s ‘Equality and Human Rights Commission’, Muslims “are doing their damnedest” to develop an Islam compatible with liberal democracy. And if you don’t believe him, then just ask Tony Blair, who reads the Koran every day and marvels at how progressive it is.

Forget all the worrying and fussing over Muslim immigration and terrorism. The future looks bright for Britain. We’re probably only days away from the first female Imam and drive through abortion clinics in local mosques. Mecca is going to host its first swimsuit competition on its black rock and Ramadan will unite with Gay Pride Day for a parade that no one will ever be able to forget.

At The Guardian, where left is always right, Musleh Faradhi assures us that Sharia courts are not about to displace English law or flog Prince Charles as an adulterer in front of Buckingham Palace. “Women who come to this country with little or no English and are then discriminated against by their own husbands or relatives has nothing to do with sharia, but rather with traditions and culture,” says Faradhi. “This should not be used as a stick with which to beat sharia councils.”

That sounds fair enough except when you remember that Sharia councils are usually the ones who beat women with sticks, rather than the other way around. For reasons that have nothing to do with the Koran, but with traditions, culture and the equinox. It would be a shame if Sharia’s habit of beating women with sticks were to be used to beat Sharia councils with sticks. When it comes to Muslims, turnabout is never fair play. Even when the sticks are metaphorical ones. And the ones they use are all too real.

According to Tony Blair, the Koran is, “ahead of its time in attitudes to marriage, women and governance”. This claim would be true only if the Koran had been written in the age of the dinosaurs. And probably not even then. The educated Cro-Magnon would have taken one sniff at the Koran and opted for something more progressive. Like the Daily Mail or Benny Hill.

In the progressive words of the Koran, “Men have authority over women because Allah has made the one superior to the other.” (Koran 4:34). It’s hard to argue with that. At least if you’re a woman and under the authority of a Sharia council. Bring enough Muslim men with sticks together and then good luck arguing with Allah’s Theory of Gender Evolution without getting beheaded. Or at least beaten bloody with sticks.

“Good women are obedient,” says the Koran. “They guard their unseen parts.” Which in the Muslim world often includes their faces, their voices and themselves, until the whole woman becomes one unseen part. “As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them.”

The liberal Britain which long since disavowed, “A woman, a dog and a walnut tree; the harder they are beaten, the better they be”, has welcomed it back in as, “A woman, a dog and a palm tree.” It is easy to argue with the practices of beating a domestic walnut tree, but who are we to argue with the cultural tree harvesting methods of an ancient belief system which must be superior to ours on account of it being practiced by the people we once colonized.

And the verse finishes, that having beaten them “Then if they obey you, take no further action against them.” This must be the part that Tony Blair and Western liberal readers find so ahead of its time in its attitude toward women. That once having beaten a woman, if she complies, then you should stop beating her. The nobility and generosity of these words should touch the heart of even a Germaine Greer.

The Koran may tell you to beat women, but it doesn’t tell you to keep beating them once they’re cringing on the floor. This generosity extends not only to women, but to all sorts of beloved infidels. Once he surrenders, and pays Jizya, accepting his role as an inferior– the well-behaved Muslim is not supposed to keep beating him. Women, Dhimmis, slaves and other people whom Allah hath made inferior are not to be beaten so long as they obey you.

You can see why Tony Blair might consider this attitude toward governance ahead of its time. Anyone who has had contact with England’s bureaucracy can well appreciate a form of governance that stops beating you once you’re lying prone on the floor.

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  • Chezwick_mac

    Ahhh, good ole Tony Blair. He's so very, very deep.

    For the record, I've read the Quran a dozen times over the last decade. It is mind-numbing, stultifying, gives new meaning to the word 'redundant', is excessively and obsessively didactic, and is replete with coercive threats of hellfire, some of them sadistic in the extreme (e.g., 18.29). The fire-and-brimstone of the Old Testament is absolutely mild in comparison. Furthermore, I can't find the word 'love' anywhere in it.

    • tanstaafl

      "There is no fun in Islam." – Ayatollah Komeini

      • gray man

        islam puts the F. U. in fun

        • nofizlam

          I think you mean't to say that izlam took the "n" out of FUN

    • http://www.nygulag.wordpress.com bodica

      A brave patriot! I've been trying for years to get to the end of it, but I keep reaching for the airsick bag!

  • http://www.resonoelusono.com/NaturalBornCitizen.htm Alexander Gofen

    Thank you Daniel Greenfield for this brilliant satire. What a sad realization about the depth of the human misery in the former land of Magna Carta. What a devolution of the human condition in the former best of the worlds, which is happening on its own: without any conquest. Just welcome more of islamic piranhas in your aquarium…

    • curmudgeon

      satire? how does one satirize pure evil?

  • PhillipGaley

    Sure, the fact that, Sharia is “ahead of its time in attitudes to marriage, women and [family] governance” is not lost on men, . . . and especially to those of the left-winger stereotype, . . . and as in T. Blair's ingenuous declaration, they are the ones who most usually find it difficult or impossible to see a decent woman in response to themselves.

    The evil in Islam, in this way, plays upon the fact that—as has been said—we live in a sexual universe, and as for the little boy, kicking and squalling when dad comes home because: "Mom won't do what I want her to, . . .", further intra-personal growth in social skills appropriate to that end is fully obviated, . . .

    • WLIL

      Perhaps one should ask tony blair this question: If sharia is so ahead of its time, then why malaysia, middle east and othe asian countries with its islamic influenced culture and moslems majority are so backward? Perhaps, tony blair was ignorant of the too many brutal black characteristics in islamic culture/ideology, that was perpetuated by islamic men and islamic women with socalled religious power.

  • Asher

    Educate yourself, know everything you can on the religion of Islam and how it works. Especially, Sharia, Taqiyya, and the Koran….No one wants to live like Islam forces their people to live, not even the Muslims who live in Israel, or the United States…They get a taste of Freedom, and Rights and they want no part of Sharia!

    • ebonystone

      "… they want no part of Sharia! "

      Some of them, maybe. At least in the U.S. some of them do want it.

  • Bert

    Militant Muslims have no hesitation in proudly affirming their faith and demanding that the rest of the world also embrace Islam. But too many non-Muslims are too mentally weak to stand up for their rights and resist this coercion. It seems to me that the non-Muslims should be advocating that Muslims free themselves from the backwardness of Islam in the interest of peace and progress.

    • Janette

      I say Bert for President.

    • Freedom John

      A Muslim is a Muslim. Moderate or Radical, they are the same because if it comes down to supporting the Christians/Jews or speaking out against the radicals, they will side with the radicals because if they agree with Christians/Jews then they are deserting Islam and there is a very heavy price to be paid for such brave actions. And since they still believe in Islam they hope that we will all come to their way of thinking. They are afraid to leave. Family, friends, and complete indoctrination will keep them there. Tough row to hoe. Solomon summed it up nicely in Proverbs "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) If we're nice, then we're weak. They themselves can be nice as well, until there is a rise in their numbers then they begin to demand certain things from the gov't, schools, etc and then the moderates actually become radical. Too few are changed.

    • palidin48

      Bert: there are plenty of us around who are not too weak, mentally or physically to confront Militant Muslims. there will come a tipping point when we are the ones emboldened and say enough is enough.

  • Texasron

    In the picture above, the next Miss Universe is the one with the buttons showing.

  • LindaRivera

    Because of British leaders love and ADORATION (worship?) of Islam, Britain (once Great Britain) has become a very dangerous place for indigenous, non-Muslim female children and ALL non-Muslim females. Remember the phrases, "The sun never sets on the British empire" and "Brittania rules the waves"? Now ISLAM rules in Britain. All by invitation of Britain's Labor Party who brought in huge numbers of Muslims in a DELIBERATE act to change British society to a multi-cultural society – although multi-cultural is incorrect. The term should be changed to Muslim-cultural.

    It is open-season for Muslim males on non-Muslim females in Britain and all over Europe as has been reported in articles over the last few years and in the last few days. What are UK and European leaders doing about this great tragedy? They are importing more Muslims.

    British Schoolgirl's Testimony – Muslims Threaten Children With Violence & Rape Outside School Daily http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24cg_pnpZJE

    A nation's leadership that refuses to protect its own children is a nation that cannot survive.

    Muslims are ALLOWED by Western leaders to do absolutely anything they want. No act is restricted for top favorite Muslims – nothing is off limits.

    • Freedom John

      What is truly disheartening is that not a shot was fired. They came in and took over. Therefore, again not the Brits but their gov't, surrendered the country. They are trying to do it here and the gov't is right there with them not standing up, especially the current administration. Unfortunately for the Muslims, the conservative American peoples are not really willing to allow them to take over.

  • Daren

    I say have the Chinese build a Great Wall around them and the problem will take care of itself! To nuke'em would be too harsh and inhumane!

    • curmudgeon

      harsh and inhume is to submit to pure evil. our ancestors shed blood to prevent islamic conquest. us modern cowards surrender to the pure evil that is islam lest some hollywood maggot call us "bigots".

      • SpiritOf1683

        Yep. Where would we be without Charles Martel?

  • ashmorris

    "The Koran strikes me as a reforming book trying to return Judaism and Christianity to their roots" LOL. Mohammed didn't return Christianity and Judaism to their roots, he whacked them out. First of all, the root of Christianity is Judaism. It is a belief that Jesus is the Messiah promised according to Judaism. He took the Christian idea that all must believe to be saved into convert, be a dhimmi or die. (The Christians who did this were in violation of their religion. A person can only become Christian through heartfelt belief) He turned Jewish modesty ( which requires the covering of sexually arousing body parts) into wear a bag or be raped. (In Judaism, it's a balance. She dresses modestly , mainly for the sake of her own dignity. The men are not allowed to gaze at or touch her even if she's not modest,) He turned the limited wars of the Bible into a free for all jihad for all time. (G-d set very specific limits on those wars.) He turned the idea a "chosen people" from being about the responsibility to follow divine commandments into a system whereby all non-believers on the planet are worth less and have to be subjugated . (Jews are only chosen to follow the Torah and that choseness includes punishment if they don't) He took the slavery of the Bible (which was in fact indentured servitude so that a thief could repay what was stolen or in order to pay off a debt. Specific rules dictate how a slave must be treated. In some areas a master has to treat his slave better than himself according to Jewish law) into a system of brutal repression. He took an "eye for an eye" (which is a statement of restraint, in other words the punishment must fit the crime No cutting off hands if someone just stole something They should repay what was stolen plus a fine.) into a cruel justice system. Oh and about those four male witnesses for a woman to prove that it was rape. The Bible requires two witness to the act itself (other than the parties involved) in order to prove adultery. As a matter of fact this is the burden of proof for all death penalty cases. No circumstantial evidence or hearsay. Two people had to see the accused do it and warn them before hand. Whereas it's nearly impossible to get away from a death sentence in Islam, It's nearly impossible to impose a Jewish death penalty.

    • http://Frontpage Leonidas

      Thank you for an informative article on where exactly Mohammad distorted the Bible to suit and justify his criminal actions and the plundering and killings of jihad!
      This jihad for world conquest by Islam has killed more than 200 million in the last 1400 years, destroyed many cities and civilizations terrorized Europe till1683 when the Muslims reached Vienna and it is time the Koran be banned from the mosques as a book that urges the Muslims to kill Jews Christians infidels apostates from slam women who dishonored their husbands and those who curse mohmad and the Koran!
      Banning the Koran as totally incompatible with the Constitution our liberties and women equality will bring the collapse of Islam!
      You can trust the Muslims to do to you as the Koran says! Read the Koran!

  • gsw

    If I concede that the Quoran, at the time it was written, was 100 years ahead of its time, will the rest of you concede that it is now 1300 years out of date?

    • curmudgeon

      i will concede that the quoran was a crime manual when it was written.

  • Solinkaa

    Many. It's the Stockholm syndrome.

  • mrbean
  • Domus Canus

    Brilliant article Daniel, thank you. This trash, manmade religion is an excuse for all that ails these Muslim types. I wouldn't consider returning to the UK for a vacation let alone live there amongst the inhabitants of those sordid no-go areas. London, once one of the most historically exciting cities in Europe now resembles some third world trash heap full to overflowing with Muslim out-of-towners, the filth of the earth and a government who forever bend the knee at the altar of a politically correct, multi cult gang of nobodies. I feel for the English citizens who must live amongst such un evolved dross as they watch their once proud country sink to its knees in a race to the bottom to cater to such crass and useless leeches. The number of Brits leaving the country is unbelievable as they try to re start their lives in another place where they are not outnumbered by these throwbacks. The UK must get its house in order; deport those who are there illegally, cut welfare and housing to them, no more benefits after child number 2 enters the world and then ban that filthy rag women are forced to cover their face and head with.

  • Drake C

    Great article Daniel. The USA and Canada are right there with the UK though. When I have to post "no trespassing " signs in four different languages in the windows of my home, that says a great deal about how we are being forced to change our lives and values for others. Why you ask, am I having to post these signs? The Sheriff Department in my locale informed me that posting the signs might help ease up all the trespass and destruction of property I've been dealing with for three years now, not to mention the abuse of my animals.

    I am now choosing to take my business outside of the county I reside in. Sure, it puts stress on local businesses but that's the point. The economy is suffering so badly all over that businesses are desperate for any custom they can get. Well, not here, not from me. I'm sending letters to local businesses in the county too, telling them exactly why I am refusing to give them my custom. Let county and state agencies and officials answer not only me, but those businesses who are being denied sales. I'm really only drafting one letter and making copies. It was amazing after I emailed an initial complaint to the county commissioners here how quickly I got some action. Not enough mind you, but it did get action.

    My life and culture are being taken away to accommodate immigrants, legal or otherwise. I say it's time for another tax revolt and will be doing my part, peacefully, but with a firm commitment. In time I will be moving from here but until I can afford to do that, all my spendable income for taxable goods is going elsewhere. I'm with Australia in this. You come to our country, you follow our laws, learn our language or get the hell out! We don't owe them anything. The Middle East produces NOTHING of value but oil.
    I'm learning to cut down on those needs as well. My home is now filled with solar path lights. In the evening hours after they have soaked up sun all day, I set them back in the houseplants and nooks I have in my home. They light the place well enough for me to walk through. I've noticed a radical drop in my energy bills for several months now. I know, simplistic ideas maybe but, getting action based on moral grounds hasn't helped at all. People do respond when you hit them in their wallets. Supportive friends are taking my initiative and following suit.

    Keep up the great work!

    Does anyone know if Tony Blair is still keeping his mistress in Colorado Springs, Colorado or did he have to dump her, not having the free travel expenses once leaving office?

  • http://www.swanmarks.com/ Chinese Clothes

    It truly is definitely incredible to look back at the previous and see the factors that influence who we have turn out to be. This really is obviously accurate for each culture, and not only Chinese Clothing.

  • kafir4life

    Did you take into account the fact that islam is a gutter cult that was invented by a pedophilic madman named mohamat (or momo the pig faced prophet as he's become known) after he had sex with then later made a meal of his favorite pig? Did you consider that the "koran" (aka "the terror guide") was shat from momo's anal orfice in what could be described as explosive diahreha (sp), and that it's followers are sub-human sacks of filth?
    I'm guessing not.