‘Orientalism’ For Dummies

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The Grand Flaw is that the Westerner does not realize that he does not and can know the workings of the Oriental mind, and he does not know that he does not know. In imagining that he is right, he is arrogant, which implies that he believes he is better than an Oriental (although how Arabs or Persians, rather than, say Chinese or Japanese, came to be called “Oriental” is beyond me, even if I am a brilliant linguist), and therefore racist. This is Dr. Said’s great insight with which he was able to bamboozle  … oops…I mean persuade… Western academia!

For one example, when we hijack an airplane, Western right-wing hard-liners insist this is an aggressive, hostile act. We, the keepers of Oriental consciousness, know this is an act of love. We are just trying to get passengers to their ultimate — and I do mean ultimate! — destinations sooner rather than later!!!  (Note: The more exclamations points, the better the argument.)

As you must surely realize by now, we Arabs know that we are never right, or more to the point, we Arabs are right because we know that we are wrong. So, Arabs can never be thought of as “Occidentalist” or racist. We get to be the “Victims of Racism!,” which means we win!

For yet another example of such small-minded, wrongful Orientalist thinking, when Mr. Ahmadinejad says that “The Zionist entity must be wiped off the map,” Westerners and Israelis, in their sad ignorance, imagine that he is advancing the idea of a nuclear holocaust being brought down upon the heads of Israel. This is purely ignorant Orientalist hogwash. (You should excuse the expression!)

What he is really saying is that “We (‘Humanity’) are one divine entity united by the divine spark which we all share in common. Therefore, let us light a large flame — a really LARGE flame — that represents the inherent brotherhood of man.” “Wiped off the map,” in this instance, merely refers to the day when peoples will no longer be divided into nations. And since there will be no nations, we will no longer have need of boundaries and borders, and we therefore will no longer need maps. We will all be one. (Or is that, “We will have won?”)

But the point is that even though it is sad that such an idea is so difficult for the robber barons of Wall Street and their CEO cronies, and the imperialistic power mongers of the US political machine to grasp, it is not surprising. After all, what do they have to gain from peace, mutual well-being, free flow of goods, friendship, and all that stuff?

But that Dr. Said’s central tenet has been accepted so readily among the great minds of Western academia is one of the astonishing successes in the history of East – West relations. And now these professors are busy inculcating Orientalism — the concoction of such a word is sheer(ia) genius, is it not?! —  into the minds of their students so that pretty soon, they’ll have to wear a kefiya on campus if they want a passing grade!

Now we are at work at getting Israeli academics to buy into this doctrine. And thus far, we are having far greater success than we ever dreamed possible. Now we are planning an Anti-Israel Apartheid Week on campuses in Israel!  Imagine Jewish and Muslim and Christian students, White, Brown and Black, gay and straight, men and women, all marching hand-in-hand protesting Apartheid! How heart-warming! How inspiring!

Mysterious indeed are the ways of Allah!

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  • voted against carter

    Yada yada yada. Spin it ALL you like.

    A turd is STILL a turd regardless of how many times you say it is not.

    ' TAQIYYA '
    Do your own research about it if you don't know what this means.

    islam IS EVIL. PERIOD.

    islam strives for world domination.

    The quran commands muslims to exercise jihad.

    The quern commands muslims to establish shariah law.

    The quern commands muslims to impose islam on the entire world.

    islam is NOT a religion, it IS a totalitarian ideology.

    islam IS and has remained a death cult from its beginnings.

    islam wants to dominate all aspects of life, from the cradle to the grave.

    shariah law is a law that controls every detail of life in a islamic society.

    From civic- and family law to criminal law.

    It determines how one should eat, dress and even use the toilet.

    Oppression of women is good, drinking alcohol is bad.

    The core of the quran is the call to jihad.

    Jihad means a lot of things and is arabic for battle.

    islam means submission, there cannot be any mistake about its goal.

    islam and freedom, islam and democracy are not compatible.

    They are opposite values.

    mohamed's "wife" was six years old.

    That makes mohamed a PEDOPHILE!!!

    And you want to base a "Religion" on this a z z -holes rantings?

    Are you INSANE?

    I STAND with Israel

    • SECREV

      Dr. Dasmbeb is being SARCASTIC you infernal fool.
      Read it again. He is decrying the same nonsense that you are.
      There should be a minimum IQ requirement for reading, and specially commenting on, articles such as the present one.

      • Nina

        Bravo! I am ashamed that persons of such low intelligence are even allowed to comment. As you said, a minimum IQ should be required for commenting. I am also in awe of Dr. Dasmbeb's brilliance. His existance gives me hope.

  • aspacia

    Unfortunately, many will misread the author's sarcasm. Before any of you jump to conclusions read the definitions provided with this farcical piece

    • intrcptr2

      Consider THAT another result of our diseducating ourselves, yes?

      Dr Dasmabebi sounds like he would be great company over a beer, or coffee, with some good tobacco; LSMFT.

      • aspacia

        Yes, and unfortunately I am an English High School teacher whose new superintendent has just directed the entire district not to give more than 25% D and F grades regardless of the work completed or incorrectly completed. Students simply will not come in after school or even lunch to pick-up missing assignment, and even when they do, they cannot do it correctly because they were absent.

        Geez, and everyone blames the teacher. I am sick of this bs.

        • intrcptr2


          I'm sorry.

          I'm finishing up my student teaching here in Philly right now at a charter school. It seems they have a similar policy regarding the dregs. I am also still working out how I might try dealing with it…

  • StephenD

    Of course they don't teach the opposite in their schools because it cannot be true! They know the truth is that "They are the best of peoples." After all, a 7th century trade route bandit told them so.
    I can almost hear them: “You…silly little infidel, just because you live with advanced science and technology; just because your women are equal to men in your society; just because you have bestowed more on the world in compassionate giving than any other people in history, doesn't make you superior to us. You are racist to think you are above us and it simply cannot be! You are fools to think anything but that WE are superior. Now then, pay your Jizya Tax and acknowledge that you are subordinate!”

  • Wingy

    Interesting article…but then I always had a soft spot for 1,001 Arabian Nights and other fairy tales….
    They should stay out of politics and stick to Sinbad and other stories. As entertainers they are really good; at anything else they suck.
    What the world fails to understand that they are responding to islamics as though they were rational people…HOW rational is the 36th generation of intermarriage with first cousins hanging off their family trees???


  • 080

    This is really old stuff. Plato did away with it in his discussion of Sophism. It says that truth is relative to culture or sometime biology or sometimes a scientific paradign. After the desconstructionist plague truth also became relative to culture in the West. Buit the truth about anything is only the truth. In the West we seek it out.

    • aspacia

      "After having solved all these puzzles, that is to say the interrelation between being, not-being, difference and negation, as well as the possibility of the ‘appearing and seeming but not really being’, the Visitor from Elea can finally proceed to define sophistry. In other words, sophistry is a productive art, human, of the imitation kind, copy-making, of the appearance-making kind, uninformed and insincere in the form of contrary-speech-producing art."

  • joy52

    The guy is being sarcastic while believing what he is saying. He would not be in that job otherwise. Can't listen to them anymore. We want democracy, they don't. End of story. Sorry if they don't like it, but I'm not willing to march off the cliff. Let them kill each other.

    • aspacia

      U.S. citizens live in a Republic which differs from a democracy.

  • http://www.stolinsky.com David C. Stolinsky

    I wonder if Dr. Dassmabebi would be interested in being appointed a visiting professor at the Ivan Skavinsky Skavar Institute of International Peas. I am certain this could be arranged. Please ask him to contact the rector, Professor I. M. Furzlasser..

    • yasserd

      Dear Mr Stolinsky,


      How kind of you to offer. It was many years ago when I first met Ivan Skavinsky Skavar. Who could forget, as he had the temerity to step on my toe. We had a fight. One thing led to another…

      In any event, I would be delighted to accept such an appointment, provided it is located in one of the numerous and growing Parisian suburbs, also known as "Sharia Controlled Zones."

      If you should see Dr. Skavar, tell him he'd better watch out!

      Dr. Y. Dasmabebi

  • Fred Dawes

    Islam is total evil ask why the NGC Is helping islam with good looking muslims who say what you want to hear.

  • Ronald W. Carnine

    I got a good chuckle from this article. Sometimes I miss read articles like this (but am reminded of what the author is trying to do by other writers) and think the author is being serious. Not this time! A brilliant column indeed. I would like to remind others that Islam, though totalitarian, is a religion. That's one of the reasons it is so dangerous. When someone thinks they are doing God's will by killing others it becomes something to brag about. This we see in Islam. But the Bible tells us that anyone who kills, steals and destroys is actually doing the work of Satan. There is none so blind as one who kills for God.