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5. Helen Thomas
Jobless and now losing a fellow anti-Semite, Helen Thomas must be in the depths of despair. Thomas has never made any secret of her hatred for Israel and support of Hamas and can always be counted on to give the Hezbollah point of view, as the late, great Tony Snow so wonderfully pointed out. The final straw that sent Thomas to the unemployment line was her caught-on-video statement regarding the Jews and her view they should return to Germany and Poland.
Unfortunately for us, Thomas couldn’t be persuaded to return to Lebanon from where her parents immigrated. With the depth of feeling Thomas has in her shriveled little heart for members of terrorist organizations, bin Laden’s death is sure to hit her hard.
Send your sympathy greetings to firstname.lastname@example.org.
4. Jane Fonda
Considering how much Jane Fonda hates America and Americans at war, as evidenced by her traitorous activity in Vietnam including but not limited to posing with anti-aircraft guns that killed Americans and lying about the conditions in which our prisoners of war were kept, we’re fairly certain Fonda is a sad sack upon hearing a fellow America-hater is dead. People who hate America tend to stick together.
Not only does Fonda love the commies, but she’s BFFs with Code Pink’s Jodie Evans who personally traveled to Afghanistan and met with leaders of the Taliban! Good gracious! It makes one dizzy just thinking about the audacity of these dopes.
Fonda is also a Palestinian sympathizer who once scheduled a meeting with Yassir Arafat. And even worse:
[J]ust days after terrorists had killed some 3,000 people on 9/11, Fonda said that instead of retaliation, the U.S. should try to understand the “underlying reasons” behind the murderous attacks.
The retaliation must be tearing her up inside.
To comfort Fonda in her time of sorrow, send your e-sympathy greeting to her on Twitter (@JaneFonda).
3. Noam Chomsky
It’s time to play “Guess Who Said It!” Your choices are Noam Chomsky or Osama bin Laden.
We should not forget that the U.S. itself is a leading terrorist state.
If you guessed bin Laden, you would be wrong. Chomsky, a self-described anarchist and general America-hater is probably working furiously on a manifesto indicting the United States for breaking international law by killing bin Laden right now. Chomsky has been highly critical of the American response to Islamic terrorism and frequently downplays the 9/11 attacks:
Chomsky dismisses the atrocity of 9/11 as one that was dwarfed in magnitude by Bill Clinton’s 1998 missile attack on a factory in the Sudan following the bombings of two U.S. embassies by al Qaeda, in which no one was injured.
Telling an MIT audience of 2,000 that the U.S. military response against the terrorists in Afghanistan was a calculated “genocide” that would cause the deaths of 3 to 4 million Afghanis, Chomsky denounced America as “the world’s greatest terrorist state.” He also traveled to the Muslim world to repeat the charges of U.S. genocide and terror to millions in Islamabad and New Delhi.
Not surprising. It’s likely that Chomsky has a pretty big soft spot for bin Laden after the murderous terrorist praised him as “one of the most capable” citizens of the United States. He could definitely use an e-card and probably some tissues.
Send sympathetic musings to email@example.com.
2. Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn
Pentagon bomber and attempted cop-killer Bill Ayers joined Code Pink in their protest in Gaza against the Israeli blockade when Hamas was lobbing mortars into Israel. It’s pretty interesting how connected everyone on this list is. I bet they’ve all been to the same cocktail party a time or two where they tell Bush jokes and plot to subvert the Constitution. Ayers and his terrorist wife Bernardine Dohrn must be singing the bin Laden blues. He did what they had plotted unsuccessfully to do. You can’t tell me they weren’t pleased as pie to watch the Pentagon go up in smoke. These are the same people who thought Charles Manson, who randomly and brutally killed a pregnant Sharon Tate, her husband and their friends for no reason other than he is a complete psycho, was a freedom fighter.
“First they killed those pigs, then they ate dinner in the same room with them, then they even shoved a fork into the victim’s stomach! Wild!” In greeting each other, delegates to the war council often spread their fingers to signify the fork.
Kill all the rich people. Break up their cars and apartments. Bring the revolution home, Kill your parents.
Osama bin Laden is clearly a kindred spirit with these two American terrorists and I assume, much like their unwavering love for communist dictators, bin Laden won’t be left out of their list of “greats.”
To send your regards, contact Ayers and Dohrn at firstname.lastname@example.org.
1. Louis Farrakhan
Often called the craziest bastard on earth (okay, maybe just by me), Louis Farrakhan tops the list of those who are mourning the death of the last craziest bastard on earth. (It is also important to note that Farrakhan and Bill Ayers live in Obama’s Chicago neighborhood. Coincidence? Or have we at last located the doorway to Hell right in the heart of Hyde Park? Somebody alert George Noory!)
Now that bin Laden is dead, Farrakhan can take his place in the outrageous Jew-hating category.
Some of you think that I’m just somebody who’s got something out for the Jewish people. You’re stupid. Do you think I would waste my time if I did not think it was important for you to know Satan? My job is to pull the cover off of Satan so that he will never deceive you and the people of the world again.
Losing a soul-brother like bin Laden is going to leave a serious hole in Farrakhan’s pool of resources for new material against Jews. Luckily, he still has his alien friends.
You can reach out to him via Twitter (@TheOfficialHMLF).
Leave your suggestions in the comment section for other leftists who could use our comfort and sympathy as they mourn the death of their terrorist hero, Osama bin Laden.
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