If Joe Biden Had an ‘R’ Next to His Name…

“If you were truly smart, you’d know that you are dumb,” explains the family patriarch to his ranch-hand son played by Will Ferrell in Casa de Mi Padre. If only Joe Biden’s dad had engineered such a head-to-head talk, America might not have to worry about a denizen of the left side of the bell curve serving as right-hand man to the president.

“I think I have a much higher IQ than you do,” Biden taunted a voter on the presidential campaign trail in 1987. Smart people don’t say things so stupid. Vain people, the kind who get hair plugs and fabricate academic honors, do. Like an honors student making it up as he goes along on an essay question, politicians can bluster and BS their way to brilliance.

Last week, after informing a Virginia audience that “with you we can win North Carolina again,” the vice president told a predominantly black audience that the Republicans plan to “put y’all back in chains.” The former served as 2012’s “Hello, Cleveland” Spinal Tap moment; the latter; its Ross Perot “You people” gaffe. By reaffirming Joe Biden’s place on the ticket, Barack Obama has doubled down on dumb.

Barack Obama’s first presidential decision foreshadowed subsequent presidential decisions. Selecting Biden, who ventured into politics directly from law school, demonstrated a lack of self-awareness from a presidential candidate whose paucity of real world experience rivals his runningmate’s. Biden claimed during his run for the 1988 presidential nomination, “I participated in sit-ins to desegregate restaurants and movie houses.” But he didn’t. Professors caught him plagiarizing in law school in the 1960s and the public caught him plagiarizing in politics in the 1980s. British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock, former vice president Hubert Humphrey, slain New York Senator Robert Kennedy, and even an obscure legal scholar weren’t safe from his verbal larcenies.

“If I had intended to cheat,” he pleaded with the Syracuse law professors considering his expulsion, “would I have been so stupid?” The question may not be as self-serving as it initially appeared. Joe Biden makes Dan Quayle look like Albert Einstein.

America has become accustomed to the teetotaling vice president’s ongoing imitation of a wet-brained blowhard. “Stand up, Chuck, let ‘em see ya,” Biden implored a paralyzed politician at a 2008 rally. That same year, Biden told an Ohio audience that the top issue facing most voters was “a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.” He told Katie Couric, “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.” FDR wasn’t, you know, president when the stock market crashed, and television signals would not be picked up in American homes for years.

If Joe Biden had an “R” next to his name, pundits would be calling him “stupid,” an “idiot,” and a “retard.” We know this because that’s what they continue to call the last Republican vice presidential nominee for gaffes far less egregious than Biden’s.

“Sarah Palin is a f—ing retard,” Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert opined. “I’d like to see her on just a couple of episodes of Celeberity Jeopardy!,” Chris Matthews quipped on Hardball, “to just see if she knows anything.” Palin perhaps experienced schadenfreude when the TV talker placed last on Celebrity Jeopardy! earlier this year. Last month, CNN played P!nk’s “Stupid Girls” to introduce a segment on John McCain’s runningmate. Even something that a Palin impersonator said—“I can see Russia from my house”—gets carted out periodically to prove how doltish the former Alaska governor truly is.

The magic “D” next to the vice president’s name adds twenty points to his IQ. The best way to appear smart to journalists, academics, and entertainers is to tell them what they want to hear. Joe Biden is more effective at doing this than is Sarah Palin, so he isn’t considered a vacant-eyed dummy. Politicians who reflect the intelligentsia’s politics get the favor returned when the intelligentsia projects its intelligence upon the politician.

The stupidest thing about smart people is their unintelligent overemphasis on intelligence. The Marine Corps 14 Leadership Traits—Justice, Judgment, Dependability, Initiative, Decisiveness, Tact, Integrity, Enthusiasm, Bearing, Unselfishness, Courage, Knowledge, Loyalty, and Endurance—omits intelligence because, duh, it isn’t one of the fourteen most important leadership traits. Brain matter matters but it’s not the only quality that matters.

In the vice president’s defense, it may be that rather than intelligence, he more accurately lacks judgment, tact, integrity, and bearing. The people who possess intelligence often misgauge it as a catch-all category encompassing traits related and unrelated.

Biden is certainly bright enough for the vice presidency, just not for the presidency. In other words, he’s fit for neither office, a concept that Biden may have a tough time wrapping his brain around.

There are worse things than stupid. Joe Biden isn’t corrupt like Spiro Agnew or a mush-headed fellow traveler like Henry Wallace. He’s just imprudent, unwise, dishonest, and thickheaded. But don’t mention that last part to liberals, who take acceptance of their ideology as the clearest indicator of genius. Being a Democrat means never having to say you’re stupid.

  • sharpsrifle

    So if being a 'rat automatically adds twenty points to a politician's IQ (in the eyes of the shill media), I guess that means Biden's IQ must be, in actuality, -60, because he blathers like he has a -40 IQ now!

  • ★FALCON★

    if Joe Biden . . . .

    Biden could never be elected by the Republican base. He's just too damn stupid. Remember folks – he comes from a state that has a whopping THREE counties.

    Republicans like their candidates to be atleast as smart as they are and prefer them to be the cream of the crop – not cream of crap.

  • wsk

    "Legitimate rape……". It seems our Democrat opposition hasn't quite yet cornered the market on stupid.

  • amused

    True but a stupid metaphor ,is no where near the absolute ignorance of Akin . Trouble is Akin will be linked to Ryan and Romney . Ryan voted with Akin on womens health issues and stance on banning all abortions . Good luck with the womens vote . LOL….both campaigns ought to have a good supply of duct tape .

  • amused

    Tennessee state Sen. Stacey Campfield (R) falsely claimed on Thursday that it was nearly impossible for someone to contract AIDS through heterosexual contact.

    ‘Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community,’ he told Michelangelo Signorile, who hosts a radio program on SiriusXM OutQ. ‘It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.’

    ‘My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex.’

    LOL…..did you say "cream of the crop " .

  • http://tarandfeathersusa.wordpress.com/ Iratus Vulgas

    Biden reminds me of that scene from the Simpsons where Homer gets accepted into college and sings his victory chant, "I am so smart! S-M-R-T!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhrfhjLd9e4

  • tagalog

    Do you have any statistics on the number of cases of AIDS contracted in America through heterosexual contact versus the number of cases of American AIDS contracted through homosexual contact?

    I know that in the less-developed world, as in Africa, AIDS is transmitted more frequently through heterosexual contact. Do you have any numbers on that?

    Would you please reveal them?

    Actually, AIDS DID come from a homosexual airline employee, at least AIDS as it appears in the West. See Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On. It first arose in Africa, didn't it, and it DID come from human contact with monkeys, didn't it (although I doubt that it got to humans through someone having sex with monkeys)?

    • amused

      oh , that means you agree with Akin.Do youi have any idea of how many women have been infected by having heterosexual sex with infected men and vice versa ? You can not be serious tagalog .

      • BS77

        Akin should resign immediately, if not sooner.

        • amused

          btw tagalog as of 2008 U.S. – statistics 61% of women diagnosed contracted aids through heterosexual contact as opposed to 61 % of men .
          While overall infections since the epidemic began in 1987 -73 % of victims were men , and yes in Africa infections are almost exclusively through heterosexual contacts , so Akin's statements are literally buried in ignorance and stupidity .

          • amused

            And yes tagalog , human contact with monkeys , people ate the infected meat . So gee ! Akins is about .0000001 % percent right .

          • tagalog

            How many women who contracted AIDS is that?

            I don't deny that Akin's statements are stupid. I just doubt the veracity of your claims.

          • tagalog

            You're wrong, 180 degrees wrong. I'll help you out. The statistics compiled by the U.S. Center for Disease Control as of March 2012 are that 61% of all AIDS cases contracted in 2009 in the U.S. are from men having sex with men. Male homosexual sex.

            Women have contracted AIDS during the same time period in 23% of the recorded cases. It is not stated in the report I read whether they contracted AIDS from heterosexual or homosexual contact. My guess is the huge majority of the cases in women is from heterosexual contact with bisexual or homosexual men.

            Heterosexuals accounted for 27% of estimated new HIV infections in 2009 and 28% of people living with HIV infection in 2008. I bet the huge majority of those heterosexuals are women -or, God forfend, children- who got AIDS from men who had sex with them.

            HIV infections among women are primarily attributed to heterosexual contact or injection drug use. Women accounted for 23% of estimated new HIV infections in 2009. In the AIDS arena, that suggests that only about 9%, maybe 10% of AIDS cases is coming from sources other than homosexuals or bisexuals. A tiny number of people have contracted AIDS from non-sexual transmission of bodily fluids (inadvertent needle punctures, blood transfusions, or the like).

            Injection drug users represented 9% of new HIV infections in 2009 and 17% of those living with HIV in 2008. So that number is dropping.

      • tagalog

        No it doesn't; it means I disagree with you.

      • tagalog

        No I don't know how many women; you were the one making the assertion; that's why I questioned you about your claims. When you make a claim, ordinarily it's expected that you back it up with something other than rhetoric, such as rhetoric may be in the Amused world.

        • amused

          tagalog , the statement made by Atkins was , that it was virtually impossible to contract aids from heterosexual contact . I listed the staistics for that year , the diagnosed cases and the percentages which originated amongst men and women and the percentage contracted from mamle to male contact ,and the percentage contacted from heterosexual contact .This obliterates Atkins statement .These are statistics not my rhetoric .You contradict yourself or your position [whatever that is ] if as much as 23% of infected males comes from heterosexual contact , that means aids is not virtually impossible for men to contract as Atkins says . In addition you shoot yourself in the foot by saying " I'll bet " lolol….yea you'll bet , and I guess Atkin bets too .

          • tagalog

            I don't have a position, other than that Akin is wrong. I'm just questioning YOUR position.

          • amused

            I have no position regarding the transmission of aids , statistics are statistics .I took exception to Atkin's ignorant remarks

  • amused

    Another case of foot-in-mouth disease:
    Comment by Republican adviser to Ohio Gov. John Kasich sets off howls of racism__Published: Tuesday, August 21, 2012, 10:00 PM Updated: Wednesday, August 22, 2012, 8:09 AM__ By Reginald Fields, The Plain Dealer________Associated Press fileA voter casts an early ballot in the presidential primary this year at the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections.__COLUMBUS, Ohio — A top adviser to Ohio Gov. John Kasich has come under fire for a statement critics say was racist and aimed at suppressing the vote of African-Americans. __The comments from Doug Preisse, the Franklin County Republican chairman, were yet another salvo in the ongoing battle between Ohio Democrats and Republicans over early voting hours. Republican Secretary of State Jon Husted last week issued a directive that excludes weekend voting, which Democrats say was politically motivated. __Preisse told the Columbus Dispatch in a story published Sunday: "I guess I really actually feel we shouldn't contort the voting process to accommodate the urban — read African-American — voter turnout machine_