Piers Morgan Promises to Leave America if Gun Laws Don’t Change

Hey self-deportation does work after all.

Sure that petition won’t convince Barack O to stick Piers red face inside a cannon pointing east and light a match, but all we have to do is stay firm on the Bill of Rights and maybe the cad will deport himself.

The long short story is Morgan, writing to trashy hysterical Daily Mail standards, strives to convince readers that he is a father and a human being with feelings, when he’s actually a soulless parasite who gloms onto any tragedy within range and does not stop until he has sucked the blood out of it. This gives him a lot in common with the Daily Mail, but they were always working the same side of the street.

After trotting out the same old cliches comparing guns to drugs, Morgan begins to whine that we hate him because he’s British.

I’m British, a breed of human being who burned down the White House in 1814 and had to be forcefully deported en masse, as no American will ever be allowed to forget – Special Relationship notwithstanding. It’s no exaggeration to say that America’s unique fondness for guns pretty much got cemented by hatred of us Brits and the War of Independence.

Today everyone can be a victim for 15 minutes and Piers Morgan has finally found a country where he too can claim that he’s being persecuted out of bigotry.

It’s not that he acts like an ass, it’s that Americans are bigoted against the British. Piers Morgan is a victim.

But at least Piers Morgan has done his research and his anti-Bill of Rights advocacy is based on a thorough understanding of America’s gun laws.

But where I have a big problem is when the unfortunately ambiguous wording of the 2nd Amendment is twisted to mean that anyone in America can have any firearm they want, however powerful, and in whatever quantity they want.

That’s right. Absolutely any weapon. Anyone. That is exactly how it works on that one website that Morgan read before he began yelling on some obscure CNN show about it.

In conclusion, I can spare those Americans who want me deported a lot of effort by saying this: If you don’t change your gun laws to at least try to stop this relentless tidal wave of murderous carnage, then you don’t have to worry about deporting me… I would… seriously consider deporting myself.

Can we get a timeline on this?

Morgan implies that he’ll be gone if nothing changes in 3 years. I favor holding him to that.

  • visitor

    Eh!..good news at last !!!…

  • cxt

    "its no an exaggeration to say that Americias unique fondness for guns pretty much got cemented by hatred for us Brits and the War of Independence."

    So as I read HIS argument–THE BRITS are to "blame" for the USA's gun culture. ;)

    So I guess we should be directing our spite and anger at HIM–being British and all.

  • RedWhiteAndJew

    I'd say good riddance, and enjoy the teeny upward tick in the country's average IQ among lefties, but since Hussein was elected twice…well…like the songs says, "something from nothing leaves nothing."

  • Pan American

    To Piers:

    Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

  • RedWhiteAndJew

    It’s no exaggeration to say that America’s unique fondness for guns pretty much got cemented by hatred of us Brits and the War of Independence.

    No. It was, and is, hatred of tyranny. It is hatred of being told that others know better than you, what is good for you, especially when the dictates come from a failed journalist such as yourself.

    You're not hated because you're British, Piers, old bean. You are hated because you are a smug ass; an unlanced boil on the nether regions of the body politic.

    In terms of a very fine British sci-fi comedy, you are a smeghead.

    • objectivefactsmatter


      • objectivefactsmatter

        As if it has anything to do with his nationality. What an absolute more-on.

  • Paul

    Please find a way to keep him. We don't want him back, thanks!

    Paul Ellis, London, England

  • Loon


  • IsraelFirster

    Do you think he can afford the air fare on his own or should we put together a collection to get rid of the scumbag ?

  • malcolmkyle

    Am I allowed to say "Thomas Becket"?

  • Mac


  • JacksonPearson

    Memo to Piers Morgan:
    General George Washington didn't use pillow talk, or his First Amendment Rights to defeat the British. He shot them!

  • Arlie

    Sounds like a good trade to me. We keep our 2nd Amendment Rights – One Less "Useful Idiot" – you can take ALL of scumbag DC with you…go NOW, off with you.

  • UCSPanther

    Hey Piers: Guess what the British used to fight off the American army during the war of 1812: That's right, GUNS!

    The British of those olden days would have hated you as well. They still do.

  • UCSPanther

    Then this media vulture can go back to working for those infamously sleazy British tabloids. Hopefully, he gets himself into trouble, and suffers a scenario of "hell to pay".

  • bryce armstrong

    I only hope he doesnt leave before someone has the chance to shoot him.

  • rightwingcanadian

    it will be a win win for america if gun laws don't change and he goes back to that socialist joke of a country England.

  • Rob

    Three years? I was hoping for a deadline of three days. In my opinion we can't get rid of this douchebag fast enough.

    • objectivefactsmatter

      "Three years? I was hoping for a deadline of three days."

      You're far more generous than I am. I'm not impressed unless he says it from the airport on his way out while burning his visa. Not that 0'Bama would hesitate to order that it be fixed, but I'd still be impressed by the show.

  • Lady_Dr

    With thanks to Dr. Seuss:

    The time has come
    The time is now
    Just go. Go. Go!
    I don't care how.
    You can go by foot.
    You can go by cow.
    Piers Morgan will you please go now!
    You can go on skates.
    You can go on skies
    You can go in a hat.
    But please go. Please!
    I don't care. You can go by bike.
    You can go on a Zike-Bike if you like.
    If you like you can go in an old blue shoe.
    Just go, go GO! Please do do, Do!
    Piers Morgan I don't care how.

  • Susan


  • Robert

    Hell I wouldn’t wait 3 yrs. If he will go I’ll buy him a ticket now.

  • Robert L.

    Promises, promises! How many other liberals promised to leave but are still here??!?!?

  • Geraldo

    I thought I read somewhere that the people of England have started a petition to keep him out of their country.

  • objectivefactsmatter

    I suspect his timing has more to do with his CNN contract. He now considers he has an excuse to leave when he's fired and lies about it publicly.

    Lying leftists are everywhere.

  • Tim

    Come on people…he’s just another Hollywoodite that noticed his popularity lagging a bit and decided to do something to get some attention. Apparently it worked pretty well…

  • bonniebengal

    I would be willing to bet money that this hypocrite has an armed bodyguard.