Rushdie Reward Money Increasing Ahead of US Economy

It’s hard to know what to invest in these days. The stock market is turbulent and interest rates are low. But investors in killing Salman Rushdie would be making a killing because the Islamic Republic of Iran’s Khordad Foundation has kept the reward for killing Rushdie well ahead of inflation.

The reward, originally pegged at 1 million in 1989, would be worth approximately 1.8 million dollars in today’s money, has been increased to 3.3 million dollars, which is a significant yield above inflation losses, demonstrating the superiority of Islamic finance in keeping its murder-bonds ahead of the growth of the United States economy.

Paul Krugman has even suggested that Obama bring some of the Iranian Islamic economic experts behind the Islamic Murder Bond in for seats on his Economic Council.

While Sharia finance has yet to float similar investments, due to the inability of the Salman Rushdie Murder Fund to yield any results, it is thought that Muslim kingdoms might begin experimenting with murder bonds aimed at easier targets.

The Khorsad Foundation’s leading Muslim economist, Ayatollah Hassan Saneii, has said that the boost in Islamic Sharia Murder Bonds had come about because of the low performance of the Rushdie Murder Bond.

“As long as the exalted Imam Khomeini’s historical fatwa against apostate Rushdie is not carried out, it won’t be the last insult. If the fatwa had been carried out, later insults in the form of caricature, articles and films that have continued would have not happened,” Ayatollah Hassan Saneii has been quoted as saying, admitting that the Murder Bonds may be of limited worth after all.

The Last Insult is also the title of the hit Iranian sequel, Salman Rushdie Must Die III.

While the Rushdie Murder Bond’s growth has been fairly reliable, its lack of payoff has made it a controversial investment for devout Muslims. Muslims have attempted to invest in the Rushdie Murder Bond over the years only to find that British security and their inability of angry sword-waving burnoosed men to find their way around rural Wales has made it difficult to collect.

Still investors in Islamic Murder Bonds refuse to give up and this latest reward boost shows Islamic investors that the Khorsad Foundation remains committed to being the most inept bunch of people to try and hire a hit man for an astronomical amount with no results in human history. Yet another reminder of the greatness of Islam.