Turning Your Kids into Energy Informers

Back in the good old Motherland of Socialism, children were taught to inform on their parents by using the example of a lively lad by the name of Pavlik Morozov who had an enormously long head and informed on his parents. Now that the USSR is done and the USSA is getting started, the EPA, that noble agency dedicated to fighting to saving the world from cow farts and people who pave over mosquito infested ponds in their backyard, is helping prepare the children of today to become the informers of tomorrow.

This must be what Obama means by winning the future.

One of the items in the box reads, “Educate students and staff about how their behaviors affect energy use. Some schools have created student energy patrols to monitor and inform others when energy is wasted.”

For example, the Arizona Public School’s website provides information for setting up energy patrols. The website states “emphasize social action through environmental education gives students a chance to do something about environmental problems instead of just hearing about them.”

The APS website says that patrol members can be provided with ID tags, vests and clipboards. Their responsibilities include leaving reminders to better conserve energy in rooms they find that have the lights on but are unoccupied.

First the schools and then the homes. And then the neighbors. First ID tags, vest and clipboards. Then full uniforms. First notes and then labor camps. It’s for the good of the planet and all those polar bears falling off melting icebergs down into the depths of the ocean. Think of them while Timmy informs on you to the EPA for not turning off the light when you leave the kitchen.

The real question here is why haven’t the little informer squads been unionized yet? It’s troubling to think of a government agency proposing the creation of union-busting freelance unpaid informers when those positions by right should require union membership and a full suite of benefits.

  • cruiser navy 67

    Its happening already, in my granddaughters school, they are taught to tell their parents to turn off the water while they are cleaning off the counter, turn off the lights, turn down the heat and she's in 2nd grade.

  • zionit

    the pretext police are here – clipboarders rage to follow.

  • ebonystone

    If the schoolkids want to really get serious about saving energy, they ought to suggest doing away with one of the biggest wastes of energy there is — namely varsity sports. Just think how much electricity is used to light a football field for a night game; and every high school game in my area is played at night. Or how much energy is used to heat and light a basketball arena for a game.

  • Mark Kortum

    My ex, and I emphasize the word "ex", was an environmental school reformer. I have seen first hand that these people will not rest until our children have been programmed to avoid energy use. Automobiles, travel via air, paper, water, heat, air conditioning, and breathing are all bad.