Queens used to be the least crazy borough of New York City. Brooklyn might be the low-life cousin, Manhattan the snotty brat cheating seniors out of their life savings while wearing a suit, Bronx, might be the ex-con, while Staten Island was the nephew who moved away and wanted nothing to do with the rest of the family except when the inheritance came up… but Queens was their grandmother just trying not to get involved.
But then the crazies began taking over Queens. The source of the craziness was apparently a blog called QueensMamas, run by obnoxious yuppies like Lennie Calas, which apparently got tired of dispensing tips for living greener and helping people in the community, and decided, in true liberal yuppie fashion, to start hurting people instead.
The target of their morality mob was one Jack Pawlowski. Jack Pawlowski was once the typical image of a New Yorker, before the city was overrun by fascist liberal yuppies from hell, of the kind exemplified by QueensMamas.
Jack took his daughter to the park to play with a toy gun. What happened next can only be properly described by the shrieking mental breakdown of a New York Observer column.
On Tuesday, Jack Pawlowski went to Astoria’s Ditmars Park to do some target shooting. Accompanied by his five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son. In a children’s playground.
Pearls firmly clutched in white knuckles, Anna Silman continues unrolling the parade of horrors.
The website QueensMamas reports that the playground is usually full of “toddlers riding scooters, digging in the dirt, playing ball or blowing bubbles.”
On this morning however, “all that changed, when several 2-year olds had a plastic 38-caliber loaded pellet gun pointed at them. They became the target of a gun wielding 4-year old, whose father sat looking on, smiling while his daughter terrorized the children; in fact, it was the father who loaded the gun and fired shots at the tree before handing it over to his daughter.”
How many 2-year-olds were actually terrified of a toy gun being pointed by a 4-year-old?
Possibly millions. We’ll never know.
Mr. Pawlowski, for his part, thinks people are totally overreacting. Speaking with the Daily News he dismissed the story as “concerned parents” making a fuss over nothing.
““I didn’t even think about scaring somebody,” he went on. “We were just shooting at the fence. We were not aiming at the playground. We were in a corner behind it.”
Back in the day, a New York parent who had a meltdown over a toy gun in a park would have been driven to Bellevue and then given a one way ticket to Westchester and told never to return.
But now screaming ninnies have been given permission to get their crazy on under a gun control regime that is just as crazy as they are.
“Did you ever think that they might be “paranoid” because you gave your five-year-old daughter a weapon in a children’s playground? In the country where school shootings are as plentiful as Big Macs and where young children regularly murder one another with guns marketed to kids?” Anna Silman shrieks.
I don’t know where Anna Silman lives when she isn’t being strapped to a bed and injected with Thorazine, but there are a few billion Big Macs and less school shootings than Observer readers.
The number of people shot by four-year-olds with cap guns is admittedly high, but most of the victims have survived this chain of gangland massacres.
But other parents were less than nonchalant about the whole affair. “I thought I was hallucinating. I literally did not know what to do,” one mother told the News. “That man is nuts. He’s dangerous.”
So now Queens is in the hands of the crazies. And Jack Pawlowski was arrested for being a sane man in the vicinity of crazy people.
No I’m not joking. He was arrested. Meanwhile Leni Calas runs free. In a sane world, it would be the other way around. Perhaps when the reign of Bloomberg I, Mayor of the Yuppies ends, the fake Queens Mamas can be rounded up in black vans and deported back to the Upper East Side, and dumped out between a Whole Foods and a Starbucks, surrounded by moats and barbed wire, to be with their own kind, and Queens can go back to being the realm of real New Yorkers like Jack Pawlowski.