Bloomberg’s Banana Republic

poll11n-1-webSpring is in the air, which in New York means that it’s time to launch the bike-share program. The bike-share program, which stacks racks of bikes out in the street in the hope that everyone will stop driving cars and rent bikes instead, failed in Paris, Melbourne and Montreal. But Mr. Bloomberg is not about to stop his wars on obesity and global warming long enough to let the failure of a senseless program everywhere else slow down his bid to implement it.

In Paris, 80 percent of the bicycles were stolen. Some ended up in Africa and Eastern Europe. But surely that won’t happen in a law-abiding place like Gotham.

Citibike was supposed to launch last summer, but the software developed by the Montreal parking authority didn’t work. In only two years, the Montreal taxpayer funded company and its bike share plan had managed to get into enough financial trouble to require a 108 million dollar bailout. But then the big contracts from Chicago and New York City arrived and in a fortuitous coincidence, the Chicago Department of Transportation intern who wrote up the proposal was given a top position in the company.

Bicycles are one of the obsessions of Mayor Bloomberg and his transportation secretary Janette Sadik-Khan. Khan is the granddaughter of Imam Alimjan Idris, a Nazi collaborator and principle teacher at an SS school for Imams under Hitler’s Mufti, Haj Amin al-Husseini. The bio of his son, Wall Street executive Orhan Sadik-Khan, frequently mentions the bombing of the family home in Dresden and surviving trying times after World War II. It neglects to mention that the times were only trying because their side was losing.

In 1933, Idris wrote a letter asking why Allah would have chosen the Jews, whom he described as, “the most despicable, repulsive and corrupting nation on earth.” It’s hard to say what Imam Idris would have made of his granddaughter marrying a Jewish law professor and peddling bikes that no one wants from a nearly bankrupt Montreal government company.

But considering that Imam Idris was at times accused of being a Soviet agent and did some work for Imperial Japan, it seems likely that he would have understood.

In partial revenge, Khan has made many New York streets nearly as impassable as those of her grandfather’s wartime Dresden. Bike lanes have turned two lane streets into one lane streets. Infidels sit in their cars and honk while bike lanes go unused and midtown bus lanes sit empty except for the occasional daring taxi driver braving the bus lane camera and the 150 dollar fine.

Nightly a roar rises from the streets as an island full of people heading home curses Bloomberg until long after the sun has gone down. And from his townhouse on East 79th Street, he sneers at them, having gotten his revenge on the off-island drivers who sabotaged his congestion pricing scheme, borrowed from London’s former mayor Ken Livingstone, who just got done blaming America for the Boston bombings on Iranian television.

Of such strange alliances is the technocratic banana republic on the Hudson woven. A Muslim Nazi collaborator’s granddaughter oversees the de-car-ing of a city after a plan based around a plan from the tenure of a modern collaborator with Muslim Nazis falls through. Imam Idris might have called it the providence of Allah. But more likely he would have found a way to get his piece of the pie.

Springtime for Bloomberg also means that it’s time for the ritual planting of swamp oak trees. Swamp oaks are not your ordinary city tree. Pre-Bloomberg, New Yorkers walked under the peeling bark of the ubiquitous London Plane tree, the dark gnarled branches of the Goldenrain tree and the occasional majestic Silver Linden.

All was well in Gotham’s curbside arbors, until Bloomberg discovered Global Warming was about to destroy all of mankind and began making the appropriate preparations by planting swamp oaks everywhere.

“When I have a chance… to walk down to Lower Manhattan, I’m going to sit under one of these sweet gum trees, I’m going to reflect in the glade and give thanks for the courage of so many New Yorkers,” Governor Pataki had said, while picking out the trees for the September 11 memorial.

But then Bloomberg issued his command and out went the sweet gums and in came the swamp oaks. New York City joins Chicago in the swamp oak frenzy. The White Oak, Illinois’ state tree, can no longer be planted in Chicago. It’s swamp oaks all the way down as Mike and Rahm prepare for the intemperate apocalypse, the rising oceans and the arrival of hordes of hippos looking for watering holes on the Upper West Side and Hyde Park.

Two years earlier, Bloomberg had warned, “We cannot wait until after our infrastructure has been compromised to begin to plan for the effects of climate change now.”

While Bloomberg’s preparations included urging businesses to paint their roofs white, planting swamp white oaks and making it impossible to drive a car in Manhattan, they did not include a plan for a major snowstorm or a hurricane.

The snowstorm hit leaving one elderly woman and one newborn baby dead and many stranded. The path to Mayor Bloomberg’s East 79th Street townhouse was cleared, but very little else was.

Instead of stocking up on road salt, Bloomberg had spent the spring lecturing New Yorkers on their salt content. But during the storm, the people being treated for heart attacks weren’t suffering from an excess of salt in their French fries, but a shortage of road salt and common sense in City Hall.

Two years later, optimists might have assumed that Bloomberg had learned a lesson. Instead he was struggling with the bugs of a useless bikeshare program designed to stop Global Warming coastal flooding in 2080.

While Bloomberg was wasting time proposing to put windmills on top of bridges, one of the biggest power plants on the island remained separated from the East River by only the lanes of the FDR Drive. When Hurricane Sandy hit, it flooded, the transformer blew trapping workers inside, and the power went out in much of Manhattan.

On the third day of the blackout, with disaster relief nowhere in sight and people getting by on whatever leftovers blacked out stores still had in stock, Bloomberg held another of his press conferences to tell the remaining stores to shut down and stop selling food. New Yorkers briefly debated whether he had gone insane or was just opening another front in his war on obesity.

Mayor Bloomberg ran the city like a liberal activist, jumping from one crusade to another. He bought off everyone using his money and city money. The debt doubled while he raced off to fight obesity, global warming, gun control and every other gimmicky liberal billionaire crusade.

Bloomberg warned of apocalyptic Global Warming floods in 2080, but failed to prepare for more basic snowstorms and hurricanes today. He wasted his time on gimmicks like bike shares and swamp oaks, instead of dealing with the structural problems that made the snowstorm and Sandy so devastating.

Springtime has come to New York and enthusiastic youths are making off with bike share bikes and tanning on roofs painted white. The sun is shining and even the gloomiest Gothamite has a spring in his step, except for the surly man in the townhouse on East 79th Street. For though the sun may shine and all the flowers may bloom, Bloomberg’s last spring has finally sprung.

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  • Miranda Rose Smith

    Khan is the granddaughter of Imam Alimjan Idris, a Nazi collaborator and principle teacher at an SS school for Imams under Hitler’s Mufti, Haj Amin al-Husseini.

    That's a tacky attempt at guilt by association. We don't pick our relatives. "G-d gives us our relatives, but thank G-d, we can pick our friends."

    • guest

      Fool me once (Huma Abedin senior aid to former Sec of Sate and conduit to Muslim Brotherhood and wife of Jewish politico Anthony Weiner) shame on me, fool me twice with that granddaughter of a mufti who was a Hitler's aficionado, the said granddaughter being wife of a 'prominent Jewish law professor', shame on you. "The Penetration" is broad, is deep and is irreversible. However, I would appreciate if you could enlighten me about these swamp oaks; I don't have a clue.

    • objectivefactsmatter

      "That's a tacky attempt at guilt by association. We don't pick our relatives. "G-d gives us our relatives, but thank G-d, we can pick our friends.""

      You're not a trial judge and this isn't the prosecution's case against anyone. It's an article discussing politics and possible motives and associations that might warrant further investigation.

      Oh, we forgot to mention that we plan to kill her tonight because of her ancestors. <eyes rolling>

  • Miranda Rose Smith

    While Bloomberg was wasting time proposing to put windmills on top of bridges,

    Is that a joke or not?

    • RebeccaJean

      Not a joke. He proposed putting them on skyscrappers too.

      • flowerknife_us

        They would have looked just like those little beanies from the 50's and 60's

  • Miranda Rose Smith

    On the third day of the blackout, with disaster relief nowhere in sight and people getting by on whatever leftovers blacked out stores still had in stock, Bloomberg held another of his press conferences to tell the remaining stores to shut down and stop selling food.

    Again, is that a joke or not?

    • annnie

      Unfortunately….NO. Not a joke.

  • AdinaK

    Nanny Bloomberg – aka the king of "Shariah-compliant" financial instruments…how many understand what this means – is a raving leftist, despite his RINO garb –

    As a result, nothing is considered out of reach in his totalitarian world view.

    Adina Kutnicki, Israel

  • AlgerHiss

    It ain't Bloomberg: It's the ignorant, sick NYC citizen/voter.

    NYC, and especially the people that live there, are but filthy elements in the human story.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      The NYC voters last time around picked Giuliani. This time they had few to no options.

      • κατεργάζομαι

        I would have selected rhino Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani………….

        a THOUSAND TIMES Over FOX's, & Karl Rove's & Coulter's 2012's JUNK TRUNK….or,

        …various other's …..RINO ROMNEY-CARE-MORMON JUNK…SKUNK!

      • Toni_Pereira

        If i were a New Yorker, i'd rather have a donkey in office. You poor people got a jackass, instead.

  • bobh

    The Founders gave us a Constitution because they knew all about people like Michael Bloomberg.

  • κατεργάζομαι

    RE:"Bloomberg’s Banana Republic"

    ……Bloomberg doesn't have a Banana & He ain't no Republican…………..

    …………With Nutz On That!

    • flowerknife_us

      More slips on the peels are in order

      • κατεργάζομαι

        Replying to flowerknife_us – haha

        QUESTION: What does Mayor Bloomberg call two banana skins?
        ANSWER: A Pair of Slippers!

        ….botta boom…………

  • Western Spirit

    Compassion is the means to the end of the Left's power struggle. Power is what the Left is all about. it's only natural as the Left has gained power one of their numbers would demonstrate what the Left is really all about. The time has arrived in this country where out of control controls are now being practiced by the mayor of New York Bloomburg, who has brought loss of freedom out of the “liberal’s closet. For Bloomburg colors NY’s pattern of living with controls of everything everywhere as this power freak’s restrictions have begun to bloom brightly in his berg, New York City.

    Although a despised Republican, the better to obscure his true nature, a power hungrey ”liberal”, NY has now become a place where a totalitarian wolf can safely show his fangs with suffocating controls, but he is still forced to claim compassion as the motive, with his best suffocating yet to come.

    • objectivefactsmatter

      "Compassion is the means to the end of the Left's power struggle."

      "Compassion" is a central theme in the deceptive narratives formulated by the (lying) communists. They try to out-Christianize the Hebrew prophets on a superficial level while subverting every teaching of the Bible.

  • Bob

    It is beyond reason why this man is still in power as Mayor of one of the best entertaining cities in the world. This man is taking NYC and turning it into a place no one wants to visit. The people of New York city need to wake up and smell the rotting of the city by one, idiotic, self centered, narcissist, elf that is destroying NYC as Nero did of Rome.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      The reason why is because the NY GOP is useless and the Dem political machine brings out people who make Bloomberg look good.

  • Guest

    I'm not fan of Bloomberg, but Bikeshare has been very successful in DC. It is not (as a Washington Times columnist wrote) a socialist or communist program. It is a capitalist business. The bikes are not free. You have to pay to use them, and they are very securely locked when not in use. If it can work in DC, it can work in any city.

    • Fritz

      They pay to use them first, and then don't return them, that's why they disappear, it doesn't matter how securely locked they are once they are gone. I don't really see the use in the scheme anyhow, did bicycles, bike parts, and shops suddenly become hard to come by?

      • Guest

        If you rent one in DC and don't return it to a docking station, your credit card gets charged $1,000.

        Sure, there are plenty of places to buy bicycles. But if you just want one for a day or a few hours, this is a great way to get around.

  • Chris_Shugart

    "Springtime for Bloomberg and NYC." Thanks to Greenfield I won't be able to get that tune out of my head for the rest of the day.

  • uptownsteve

    Is there anyone in America you rightards DON'T hate? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Western Spirit

      In the twisted logic of the Left telling the truth is hate speech. Figures.

      When the blind lead the blind they both end up enslaved, er, in the ditch. Happy landings!

    • Toni_Pereira

      We don't hate anyone. We just mock idiots like you…

    • Lan Astaslem

      speaking of hate stevie, what do you think of Clarence Thomas, Tom Sowell, Dr. Ben Carson and Alan West???? or are you to ignorant to know who they are?

      • uptownsteve

        I know who they are. Don't think much of them. What's your point? They're the only kind of negroes you can tolerate?

        • objectivefactsmatter

          "They're the only kind of negroes you can tolerate?"

          Yes, because it has nothing to do with race. Only racists think it does. That's what racism is.

          • uptownsteve

            So why did he/she just mention black conservatives? If it has nothing to do with race that is.

          • objectivefactsmatter

            "So why did he/she just mention black conservatives? If it has nothing to do with race that is."

            As evidence contradicting the theory that 0'Bama can't get support from conservatives as a "black" man. It has to do with race only because of bogus theories. The theories about multiple distinct races are false.

            There are probably legacy racists that pile on comments, but mature people understand the differences between the true lunatic fringe and legitimate political discourse. The true racists are not tolerated here.

  • TexanInIdaho

    I don't hate RGIII.

    • uptownsteve

      I love the guy. He's our quarterback.

  • Jeff Ludwig

    Bloomberg's traffic controls have created more problems than they have solved. Mr. Greenfield is right on about the bikes and cars. Does Bloomberg want us to eventually have rickshaws? Cars are despised by him, but as a classic limousine liberal, he rides around in his chauffered limo. He envisages a world of the rich enjoying their wealth surrounded by drones who are no longer polluting "his" world. He is a Marie Antoinette clone. Instead of saying "let them eat cake," he is saying to himself, not in public, "let them ride bikes."

  • bob e are so funny..i mean i know it’s tragic but one can look at nyc as a keystone cops video..
    your descriptions are razor lazer sharp…but i am never goin’ ta’ nyc ever again..!!

  • Mic L

    Napoleon Snotberg ,,,,,, well New Yorkers voted for him, I hope they're happy …. so many of them are so steeped in liberalism that they probably are ….. scary !

    • BS77

      Cool name: SNOTBERG. I have heard Doomberg, Dumberg, Nannyberg, FoolBerg and Big Brother Berg.

  • flowerknife_us

    I never met a Liberal that didn't like to tell you what to do. From polite nagging to "we" need a law. Especially when they know you are not one of the "we".

    • Toa

      LOL- good comment!
      Setting out rows of bikes in NYC…this is stupid enough to leave one speechless.
      This small-in-every-way man should go to work for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration or the EPA; he would fit right into these degenerate bureaucracies.

  • "gunner"

    taken all together, between bloomberg, and the likes of "uptown steve" i'm very glad i shook the dust of new york city from my bootheels and left on a train to parris island back in 1955. "f**k 'em all but nine, two for road guards, six for pallbears and one to count cadence."

  • Bill Hicks

    Daniel Greenfield is a raving Jew lunatic, nothing more. The more he rants the better. Americans and people worldwide are tiring of the Jews and their vile ways, their lies, their hatred of gentiles.

    • possibilitygirl

      Yikes. Looks like you’re just as crazy as he is (only in the opposite direction!)

    • Kurtz

      It’s people like you who wear Nazi uniforms to Court, expecting to win custody of the child you named after Adolf Hitler.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Gawker commenters really are the best.

  • hotsauce99

    This article is trash.

    • CFTrojan

      No, its just a lame attempt at parody. To be effective, parody must have a degree of plausibility. But even the most rapid, hyper-partisan right winger would never right such a horrendously idiotic article such as this.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Your opinion of my article has completely changed my opinion of my article.

      • hotsauce99

        Wow, Christmas came 11 months early this year. Not only have you reminded the world about your horrible ‘article’ (which is a gift unto itself), but now further proof that you’re a complete hack. Thanks, and happy new year.

        • Daniel Greenfield

          You must live in Australia.

  • barkomatic

    The author must not have visited the streets of Dresden in wartime, because they were blocked with collapsed buildings. The bike lanes are great and the bike share program is already quite popular and a big success. The only complainers are grouchy types with too much time on their hands.

    • OfficialPro

      Your reading comprehension is TERRIBLE! The fact that the article says AS IMPASSABLE AS TEH STREETS OF WARTIME DRESDEN means that Daniel KNOWS FULL WELL that the streets were blocked with collapsed buildings! And that bike lanes make things, um, well,….Impassable? Doesn’t anyone know what an analogy is?!

      • urdumb

        its a terrible analogy because it compares a beautiful city being destroyed and hundreds and thousands of civilians burning to death to douchebags in NYC bitching because of a slight inconvenience to the most moronic way to get around NYC (driving). comparing a line of paint and a 150$ fine to a destroyed orthodox church and 100k charred corpses is an oversaturation of hyperbole that ruins the analogy by making it so out of touch. DO YOU GET IT NOW HUH??? WANT ME TO USE CAPS TO PATRONIZE YOU FOR BEING SO STUPID???

        • Daniel Greenfield

          Would caps interfere with your painfully literal approach?

    • Daniel Greenfield

      This comments section is a lot like the streets of Dresden in wartime.

  • yumtacos

    It’s worked in a dozen other cities. Why not refer to any of them, but only the failures? Methinks thou dost protest too much.

    • StedyRuckus

      Considering that the programs in those cities are still up and running with tremendous usage speaks to this alleged “failure”. He links to an article thats four years old.

    • OfficialPro

      other cities don’t have Bloomberg running the show.

  • john q republican

    you need to get better meds

  • Sealock713

    Wait a minute… Is this The Onion?

    • Austinite

      Wait… This isn’t The Onion?!?

    • Daniel Greenfield

      … does anyone still read The Onion?

      • hotsauce99

        Says the guy writing for the beacon of intellectual thought that is

  • Daniel


  • Wm Kiernan

    All I can say is, wow, you’re nuts.

    • OfficialPro

      another non-reader?

  • Pelham One-Two-T’ree

    This was funny.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Let me get this straight; A brutal and devastating plot for revenge on NYC inspired by the destruction of Dresden is taking the shape of a bicycle rental business owned by CitiGroup Inc. 70 years after the fact?

    Are you incredibly stupid or just high on crack?

    Are we now in fear that a new kebab restaurants is just the spearhead of a Muslim revenge attack for the Crusader sacking of Jerusalem of 1099?

    • Ziggy Strawczynski

      Probably not high on crack. That privilege is reserved for our dear mayor of Toronto (incidentally Bixi Bike is stuggling here). You New Yorkers must instead deal with The Wrath of Khan. Where’s William Shatner when you need him?

      • Opus the Poet

        In Toronto poking fun at Rob Ford for pulling out a bike lane.

      • OfficialPro

        oh come on Rob Ford never did crack.

    • OfficialPro

      if that’s what you came away with after reading the article, you clearly don’t know how to read. Go back to school.

      • a_pink_poodle

        Well, to be honest, the article was written in a style similar to the Time Cube website so it’s rather difficult for normal readers to understand the premise.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Let me get this straight, liberals are incapable of detecting sarcasm?

      • a_pink_poodle

        Let me get this straight, you replied to a 7 month old comment?

        Also who are you calling a liberal, OBAMA LOVER?!

        • Daniel Greenfield

          Let me get this straight, you replied to a reply on a 7 month comment?

          • a_pink_poodle

            Let me get this straight, you replied to a reply to a reply on a one day comment?

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Would you rather I waited another 7 months?

          • a_pink_poodle

            If it’s not too much trouble! :)

          • Daniel Greenfield

            You got it

          • a_pink_poodle

            Thanks dude, you’re the best!

          • Tinklepants

            Let me get this straight, you’re still begging for pageclicks by replying to replies of your replies to comments posted on an atricle with minimal, if any, journalistic merit?

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Let me get this straight, you’re a middle child whose only coping strategy is random combativeness?

          • Tinklepants

            You’re almost right, except you misspelled ‘trollbaiting hack bloggers that should probably take a few more journalism classes.”

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Oh you haven’t figured out that you have the trollbaiting part backward yet?

          • Tinklepants

            If that’s what you call trollbaiting, you really need to study up on it. What you’re doing is closer to what I’d call sniveling dicklicking for pageviews. Which, I’ll admit, you are quite good at.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            I don’t know. There’s a troll. Successfully baited.

          • Tinklepants

            Great! You have a mirror and can type what you see. That puts you one small developmental step above my three year old.

      • hotsauce99

        Wow. You’re an even bigger tool than you were 7 months ago.

        • Daniel Greenfield

          Just imagine what I’ll be like 7 months from now.

          • Tinklepants

            I’m guessing completely unbearable and a spokesperson for adult onset diabetes from all the Ben and Jerry’s you ate in a protracted fit of self-loathing after re-reading your articles?

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Ben and Jerry are Communists. I prefer liberal tears sweetened with a drop of ginger ale.

          • Tinklepants

            Well, at least you’re not debating more salient points of you being being unbearable and full self-loathing.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Why debate the projections of an unbearable self-loather?

          • Tinklepants

            Why make sense or be original when you can just re-type the words that I’ve been writing in a different order?

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Oh were these your original words?

          • Tinklepants

            Yes, actually they are. Maybe you should buy a copy of Strunk&White’s Elements of Style. Reading it, contemplating what it says, and then thoughtfully retreating to fuck yourself in the mouth for a month or so would do wonders for your writing. At least it would temporarily save us from the horrors of hack bloggerism you choose to call work.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Blaming Strunk & White for you seems really unfair.

  • Tinklepants

    Daniel, you’re a fucking moron.

    • OfficialPro

      you’re even dumber for not even being able to read it properly.

      • Tinklepants

        Funny how my comment has 48 likes and yours has… none. Oh, sadface for you.

        I suppose us stupid people seem to know more than you do, jerkoff.

        Also, I’m guessing the only thing you’re officially a pro at is, well, nothing. Because only a self serving douche canoe would choose a name like that.

        • urdumb

          he’s obviously the author of the article… or the author’s mom

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Gawker commenters are the best

      • Tinklepants

        The best at what? Giving head? Because then I’d have to say you’re wrong, as your mom is absuloutely the best at that.

        • Daniel Greenfield

          There’s a thin line between a YouTube commenter and a Gawker commenter

          • Tinklepants

            But a very clearly delineated one between an actual journalist and, well, you.

            AND, you just managed to grab two extra page-clicks! Now go run and tell your mom how good you done.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            If an actual journalist is Matthew Yglesias then I’m thrilled to be on the other side of the line.

          • Tinklepants

            Yeah! Own that sensationalist dirtbag title you’ve so completely earned.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            Since when do liberals believe in people earning things?

          • Tinklepants

            Oh, you’re quite mistaken. I’m not a liberal; I’m just not an idiot like you are.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            So you’re a self-loathing liberal too?

            Fits the psych pattern.

          • Tinklepants

            Awww, how cute. Now you’re just using the “no, you” response. My three year old daughter does that, too.

          • Daniel Greenfield

            CPS must be overworked.

          • Tinklepants

            Swing-and-a-miss! Next?

  • college_dove


  • j2k

    hahahahaha this should be in the onion its that good

  • pixiedust8

    Hilarious article–albeit unintentionally hilarious. Now I don’t need to read the Onion!

  • Hans Moleman

    Fuck! You are an idiot…

    • Daniel Greenfield

      And you’re a one note character.

      • Hans Moleman

        You should check the other comments. They tend to agree with me. You should brush up on you spelling and grammar as well. If you were trying to write a satirical piece, you failed. Read “A Modest Proposal” by Swift, then try this again. Idiot…

        • Daniel Greenfield

          Oh the other comments by people who came from the same sites as you agree with you?

          Clearly they must be right.

          • Hans Moleman

            At least I’ve never been called out on loon, so I guess I’ve got that going for me…

  • twelve17

    Funny how the article starts with the inflammatory stat about velib while conveniently omitting that it became profitable in 2011.
    Nice misinformation there, buddy.

  • Nightfir015

    To say that the bike-sharing in Montreal has failed is a huge show of ignorance in the part of the author…

    • OfficialPro

      Nobody’s stopped driving cars in Montreal, dude. That’s what he means by failed.

      • Kenny Easwaran

        I’m sure plenty of people have stopped driving cars in Montreal over the last four years. I’m sure plenty of other people (but probably fewer) have started driving cars. If the goal of the program was to eliminate all cars, then sure, it’s a failure. But no one said that was the goal, except for this guy, who thinks that goal is fascist and evil. (And guess what – most of us bike share proponents also think that a ban on all cars everywhere would be fascist and evil!)

    • Daniel Greenfield

      French as a first language?

  • grazorblade

    People want to give me the option to ride bikes for my health convenience and the environment? I’m not one for hyperbole but this is just like Nazi Germany!!!

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Is having your sidewalk taken over really optional?

  • jimvj

    As many have pointed out, Daniel Greenfield should have submitted
    this article to The Onion. But The Onion would have rejected it because
    the editors there know the difference between the words “principle” and

    Mr Greenfield would flunk both Logic 101 and English 101.

    • OfficialPro

      So Daniel’s Autocorrect screwed him. That happens to a lot of people.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Speaking of English 101, “principle teacher at an SS school” does not refer to a principal.

      I would tell you what it does refer to, but as a noteworthy grad of English 401, I’m sure you know it already.

  • lordcaballo

    It works in Amsterdam, Barcelona, Copenhagen, Oslo, Helsinki, Saint Petersburg,…

    WHy is it not gonna work there?? Are you saying that you are worst than the rest of the world?

    • OfficialPro

      Not going to work = not going to make everybody stop driving cars. How difficult to understand is that?

      • Ygret

        Its impossible to understand because no one gets to make up their own ridiculous criteria for “success” and “failure”.

      • urdumb

        “make everybody stop driving cars” is not the goal of the program, so it’s failure to stop “everybody” from driving isn’t an intrinsic failure of the idea BECAUSE THAT IS NOT THE IDEA ADURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  • Nick

    80% of bikes were NOT stolen in Paris. The link says 80% stolen or damaged which would include wear and tear. The figure stolen was less than 20%. Please correct this article.

    • mather

      Dude, this guy’s a conservative. For them, facts don’t matter.

      • charliehall

        Facts have a liberal bias!

        • OfficialPro

          Liberals believe they are entitled to their own “facts”.

          • lula_vampiro

            Am I entitled to the facts from the articles you linked?

          • urdumb

            I’m a real conservative, not a neo-goldwater nutbag like this author, and all this ridiculous fear mongering and xenophobia has nothing to do with reality. No liberal concocted facts (a la climate change exaggeration) needed to see that more bikes in NYC creates POSITIVE externalities like better health and reduces negative externalities like pollution and congestion while creating pressure on car companies to create better city vehicles to adapt to a changing driving landscape. What does “liberal fact bias” have anything to do with the fact that this article is absurd, not in the least bit eloquent with its subject matter, and just plain poorly written?

      • OfficialPro

        Facts matter even less to progressives.

        • Tinklepants

          I suspect you don’t even know what most of the words you use actually mean, do you?

    • OfficialPro

      stolen, damaged, vandalized. Hey, at least he GAVE you a link to follow, eh?

      • lula_vampiro

        Indeed, a liberal would probably just have rickrolled you.

  • news360

    Borrowed a bike last week. Worked well. Didn’t get bombed.

    • jw11222

      I also borrowed a bike, it was a lovely day, had a great ride around williamsburg.

    • OfficialPro

      fail reading comprehension. Riding a bike won’t get you bombed. It’ll cause more traffic congestion when bike lanes take away from vital car lanes. *headdesk*

      • urdumb

        trolling you is a blast! sarcasm fail comprehension! news360 is mocking the stupidity of this article’s tone and style (xenophobia and extreme exaggeration). How fitting you can’t even figure that out while you tell someone that they can’t understand what they read! LOL

        • Daniel Greenfield

          Can you translate that from YouTubeCommentSpeak?

      • news360

        Hasn’t happened. Yeah I get that since Bloomberg said anti-gun things all things Bloomberg are now tainted, but come on. Bike lanes have not caused any problems in NYC, where I live and work everyday. I’m not keen on bicyclists’ attitudes but they are not a real threat to anyone.

  • Leisureguy

    Excellent! At first I thought you were serious, but the further I read in the article, the more obvious it became that it was a parody. Quite good. Comparing bikes in New York City to the firebombing of Dresden, though, is too much. Even for a parody that goes too far and gives the game away.

    Still: wonderful send-up of Dorothy Rabinowitz’s ravings. Good work.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      So you’re saying that Citibike didn’t result in the deaths of 25,000 people?

      Could you please source that controversial claim?

  • Charles H. Green

    So funny! Love this parody of right-wing psycho-babble, it’s almost too close for comfort.

  • ConcernTroll

    To give credit where credit is due, the
    bonkers right-wingnut conspiracy theory in this article references Don
    Quijote, “The Producers,” the Dresden fire-bombing, ‘Red Ken’
    Livingstone, Batman, and the anti-transfat movement. It also extensively
    sources the biography of a middle-level municipal bureaucrat three
    generations back and correctly identifies the white oak as Illinois’
    state tree. That’s definitely raising the bar on a literary genre
    usually comfortable with concluding things are this or that way “because
    Obama is a Muslim and wants to take your gold.”

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Nicely done, but Gotham is not a reference to Batman. Also I have no gold. I put it all in molybdenum.

  • mather

    You are without a doubt a complete horse’s ass. Equating bikes with NAZI’? Really? Or did you write this trash for the Onion and by accident post it to this site instead?

  • ConcernTroll

    “Inside Every Liberal Is A Totalitarian Screaming To Get Out” Fair enough. How about “Inside every conservative, there’s another conservative being all like ‘nah man, i’m not gay, he’s the one sucking my d—‘.”?

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Shouldn’t you be sharing this with a qualified professional?

  • Ray

    You are my favorite person. I mean, the Dresden comparison was tremendous, but what really pushed it over the edge for me was the random detour into Swamp Oaks. Treetalitarianism!

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Mind if I borrow that?

  • Eric Allen

    Some advice for Mr Greenfield, working while high on opium and LSD at the same time is bad for your writing. It produces a sub-quality opinion piece (see above). From now on stick to one or the other while writing, not both.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      I go with mint juleps instead, but thanks for your advice.

  • MMielech

    BTW, bike sharing is alive and well in Paris. Just sayin’.

    • Frédéric Sarter

      Yes! As a Parisian, living in Montreal during the summer months, I was flabbergasted by the blatant inaccuracies (lies?) that Daniel Greenfield manages to concentrate in the very first lines of his article (it doesn’t get any better afterwards…). The “failure of a senseless program everywhere else”, really? Obviously the writer hasn’t visited Paris or Montreal in recent times… This “failure” got the left-wing mayor of Paris easily reelected in a traditionally right-leaning city… because it works: I’m using the Velib quite often, and so do my friends, and a lot of Parisians – the adoption rate is high, so high in fact that the main trouble on a bright sunny day is to find an available bike, and the program in now being rolled out to additional towns in the suburbs… Same in Montreal, where people love their bike-sharing scheme…

      • OfficialPro

        Yes, but are you the people that do not drive cars anyway? I will bet you it hasn’t done much in the way of actually getting cars OFF the road, which is the point Daniel was driving at.

    • OfficialPro

      but has it made people stop driving their Citroens and Renaults?

    • Daniel Greenfield

      So are car burnings.

  • Barbrimustdie

    This article is like criticizing the construction of the Statue of Liberty by saying that the guy who approved the Statue’s placement in NY Harbor was the grandson of a British preacher who was angered by the defeat in the Revolutionary War and so said grandson decided to take his revenge by approving a public works project that would slightly inhibit the view towards New Jersey, much in the same way that George Washington cut off the British at Trenton.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      Shouldn’t there be a period somewhere in there?

  • peterdubbya

    You are the worst.