Ecofascism Marches On: “Let’s Put Our Air Conditioners on Ice Before It’s Too Late”

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Kill your air conditioner before it’s too late. It’s the only thing that will appease the Volcano Monster at the center of the earth. Do it quickly before your air conditioning destroys us all.

The following is brought to you by NYU, Time Magazine and Fascism.

Earlier this week, as the temperature in New York City hit the upper 90s and the heat index topped 100, my utility provider issued a heat alert and advised customers to use air-conditioning “wisely.” It was a nice, polite gesture but also an utterly ineffectual one. After all, despite our other green tendencies, most Americans still believe that the wise way to use air conditioners is to crank them up

Whereas wise Europeans respond to the heat by reading Das Kapital and dying of heatstroke.

Today Americans use twice as much energy for air-conditioning as we did 20 years ago, and more than the rest of the world’s nations combined. As a climate-change adaptation strategy, this is as dumb as it gets.

Actually it’s a fairly sensible climate adaptation strategy. Try 100 degree weather or an air-conditioned room.

Used conservatively — say, to reduce indoor temperatures to the mid-70s in rooms that, because of shortsighted design, cannot be cooled by cross-ventilation from fans and windows — air conditioners may well generate enough benefits to balance the indisputable, irreversible damage they generate. But in most situations, the case for air-conditioning is made of hot air.

It’s unfunny because it’s true. But this is how Ecofascists move the goalposts. They turn a basic necessity into something hideous and vile that should only be used in cases of urgent emergencies… like painkillers.

Eating? Yes, the elderly and small children need to do it occasionally so they don’t starve to death. But if we don’t do less of it, the planet will be consumed by the volcano monster that hates farms and air conditioners.

Recently, New York City prohibited stores from pumping arctic air out onto the searing sidewalks in an attempt to lure customers while burning through fossil fuels in suicidal fashion.

Because Bloomberg hasn’t outlawed enough things yet.

I can’t help but wonder whether cities like New York will ever prohibit stores from cooling their facilities below, say, 70°F. No doubt a law like that would raise even more objections than Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s attempt to ban big sodas, but it might well be necessary if we can’t turn down the dial on our own.

Fascism. It’s always necessary because we can just never seem to do the right thing on our own.

  • Elizabeth Cape Cod

    I’ll give you my air conditioner when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

  • tagalog

    I will follow the lead of my environmentalist friends. As soon as they turn off their air conditioners, I will turn mine off.

  • mememine

    The Consensus of “COULD”? It’s not up to science to decide if a crisis is really coming, it’s up to you to decide if the world of science thinks a crisis will happen. It’s not a consensus until science agrees it WILL happen as they have never agreed on anything past; “could be”. Prove me wrong.

    You “remaining” climate blame believers WANTED this misery to have been real considering that the scientific consensus wasn’t that it will happen, the consensus was that it only could happen so if 28 years of “maybe” is good enough for you to condemn your own kids, then you prayed for a CO2 climate crisis to happen. You don’t have to believe in this comet hit of an earthly emergency and if you actually think a little tiny catastrophic climate crisis is even possible, you really wanted this CO2He!! to have been real. Not one single IPCC warning says it will happen only “could” and “might” and “possibly” etc. happen and not one single scientist at any time has ever said this comet hit of an emergency is as real as they love to say comet hits are as in “eventual”. And if the consensus really was that it “would” happen, they would have said so instead allowing this costly debate to continue and ask yourself; what denier would argue with a crisis being “inevitable” and “eventual” and “unavoidable” instead of saying nothing past “could” be. This 28 year old “maybe” crisis is unsustainable and 28 years of “maybe” a crisis has proven climate change “won’t be” a crisis. Why did you want this misery to be real anyways, just to make sure the kids stayed environmentally aware and turned the lights out more often? Three decades of needless CO2 panic and CO2 death threats to billions of helpless children is a war crime for the future to deal with and the only crisis you remaining goose stepping fear mongers have to worry about is how your grand-kids will explain to your great grand-kids how you so easily and sop flippantly and with such sickening childish glee condemned them all to the greenhouse gas ovens at the simple grunt of a consensus headline.

    You doomers didn’t love the planet, you hated humanity itself.

    • Mike Jones

      Um they are saying it will happen and is happening. There is no debate among real scientists, only among quacks and those paid to say that there isn’t a problem.

      • Carlos_Perera

        Nice _ad hominem_! Among those “quacks” are Robert Spencer and John Christy, who run the UAH satellite atmospheric temperature monitoring; Judith Curry, who chairs the School of Earth and Atmospheric Sciences at Georgia Tech; Tim Ball, Canada’s first PhD climatologist; Edward Wegman, past chairman of the Committee on Applied and Theoretical Statistics for the U. S. National Academy of Sciences; Richard Lindzen, Sloan Professor of Meteorology at MIT; and Nobel Prize-winning physicist Freeman Dyzon. And that’s just off the top of my head.

      • Buck Roeser

        I guess that whole email scandal a while back was just one of those Obama type “phony scandals,” eh? Which “real” scientists are you referring to? Al Gore? Batman?

    • Vivek

      The puritans opposed bear baiting not because it caused pain to the bear but because it gave pleasure to spectators- Lord Macaulay

  • Mike Jones

    It’s kind of funny talking about the volcano monster when most of your readers believe in an invisible God that lives in the heavens who sees and hears all. Personally I think the existence of the volcano monster is much more plausible.

    • Carlos_Perera

      Can you say _ignoratio elenchi_?

    • tagalog

      If some people can mock belief in a Supreme Being such as God, then it’s certainly OK to mock belief in a volcano god, don’t you agree?

  • Ignatz

    Ecofascists, Leftists generally, remind me of the zombies in the original “Night of the Living Dead” movie (q.v., it’s great). Just when you think you’ve fought them off the front porch, they stick their undead arms through your living room window, crying “Brains! Brains!”
    The university that provided the “data” to “prove” that HUMAN activity caused our global temperatures to rise has already been exposed as providing false and rigged data, massaging the results to “hide the DECLINE” in global temperatures over the last SEVENTEEN YEARS. And their emails that actually DISCUSS HOW they would do all this have been EXPOSED . . .

    Yet still the True Believers/Haters of Western Civilization stagger on, crying “Brains! Brains!”