El Comandante Chavez, Wraps Up Bolivarian Revolution, Meets El Diablo

Hugo Chavez’s grand Bolivarian Revolution, his answer to Kim Jong Il’s Juche, Ceauşescu’s Systematization and Oceania’s Newspeak has halted in its second phase, as the sovereign territory of El Comandante’s indigenous biological reservations was overrun by a capitalist invasion that Cuba’s Socialist medicine was unable to fend off.

Despite Cuba’s impressive medical achievements in fooling Michael Moore, its Socialist medical vanguard was no match for the cellular machinations of the neo-liberal capitalist agenda.

It’s not entirely clear whether the Bolivarian Revolution was actually in its second or third phase. While El Comandante was quite good at handing out important jobs to his family members, math was not one of his better skills.

But in any case the six year plans and the phases of the Bolivarian Revolution have been preempted by a meeting with an important revolutionary leader known only as El Diablo.

Chavez, who has built alliances with Iran’s Ahmadinejad and Cuba’s Castro, is reportedly hoping to sway El Diablo to his point of view, but initial reports, based on all the screaming and burning smells, suggest that the negotiations between the two revered Socialist leaders are not going well.

Many of Chavez’s most loyal supporters who insisted that he wasn’t a brutal tyrant, are also insisting that he isn’t dead, just pining for the lava fjords of his native homeland where he is now enjoying the sights.

  • Mike in VA

    Another Communist bitter-ender assumes thermal equilibrium and the world is a better place for it.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLNn2YflwNs Roger

    Finally.

    • JacksonPearson

      Adios Pendejo…may hell be kind to you! /Sarc

      • Lady_Dr

        KInd. Kind. HELL NO – I hope it is forced into the hotest part of Hell. And even that would be too good for him.

        • JacksonPearson

          He supposedly acquired 2 billion while being Venezuela's president. Meanwhile the main populous were living in poverty under his imposed austere governance.

  • Drakken

    Good bloody riddance ! Another communist bites the dust.

  • Mary Sue

    In other words:

    Ding-dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The WICKED witch! Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead!

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLNn2YflwNs Roger

      Don't you wonder who finally spilled the bucket of water on him?

      • Mary Sue

        maybe Cuban health care isn't all it's cracked up to be ;)

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLNn2YflwNs Roger

          You know, it seemed to work in our favor this time!
          We ought to have Obama seek medical care there too.

          • Mary Sue

            and moo-chell!

  • Toni_Pereira

    My sincere condolences to his 75.000 relatives who by now are looking for a new job…

  • antisharia

    Good riddance comrade! He wrecked his nations economy, suppressed political opposition, shut down media that was critical to him, built an anti American alliance, supported FARC, cuddled up to Iran, tried to overthrow the government in Honduras and thought of himself as the next Castro. It's no wonder the American left loved him so much. He can now join gaddafi, Saddam Hussein, and Usama Bin Laden, in the 9th circle of hell.

  • Toni_Pereira

    Seriously, life lost half the fun without those wacky conspiracy theories…and i'm sure his family will make it.

  • Mary Sue

    I just wonder who his heir-apparent/successor-in-waiting is, and whether they're as fanatical as Hugo (or even more so).

  • ziontruth

    Hugo the Red, now better dead.

  • truebearing

    LOL! Well done….and so is Chavez by now.

  • TimN

    Now now, let's not be ugly
    I'd like to extend my condolences to Oliver Stone and Sean Penn.

    • Edward Cline

      You forgot to include Danny Glover. And Harry Belafonte. And other intellectual giants.

  • JimD

    Quick, someone send Sean Penn a condolence card…

    • Mary Sue

      and a camera, so he can tell it to get out of his face and punch it. ;)

  • Ceohtwo

    Perhaps another "Patient Zero" progeny will step comfortably into Chavez' shoes.

  • tanstaafl

    What can a poor Communist do when faced with the evil illness of capitalism?

    • Mary Sue

      try to cure it with Socialism, of course! (it never works)