Hugo Chavez’s grand Bolivarian Revolution, his answer to Kim Jong Il’s Juche, Ceauşescu’s Systematization and Oceania’s Newspeak has halted in its second phase, as the sovereign territory of El Comandante’s indigenous biological reservations was overrun by a capitalist invasion that Cuba’s Socialist medicine was unable to fend off.
Despite Cuba’s impressive medical achievements in fooling Michael Moore, its Socialist medical vanguard was no match for the cellular machinations of the neo-liberal capitalist agenda.
It’s not entirely clear whether the Bolivarian Revolution was actually in its second or third phase. While El Comandante was quite good at handing out important jobs to his family members, math was not one of his better skills.
But in any case the six year plans and the phases of the Bolivarian Revolution have been preempted by a meeting with an important revolutionary leader known only as El Diablo.
Chavez, who has built alliances with Iran’s Ahmadinejad and Cuba’s Castro, is reportedly hoping to sway El Diablo to his point of view, but initial reports, based on all the screaming and burning smells, suggest that the negotiations between the two revered Socialist leaders are not going well.
Many of Chavez’s most loyal supporters who insisted that he wasn’t a brutal tyrant, are also insisting that he isn’t dead, just pining for the lava fjords of his native homeland where he is now enjoying the sights.