Environmentalist Hugs Tree, Then Marries It

Marriage equality is truly transforming the world. First men marrying men. Then women marrying bridges. And men marrying trees. The sky is the limit… no wait, you can marry the sky too.

But first marry a tree.

It was love at first sight and now Richard Torres is the happiest man in the world after finding the wife of his dreams… a tree. No, this is not a typo.

The environmental activist decided to tie the knot to draw attention to global environmental issues.

The 33 year-old, who simply couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, placed symbolic offerings at the bottom of the tree before exchanging rings.
Things heated up at the end of the ceremony when Torres planted a big wet one on the tree.

Torres is now hoping to branch out and take his message of saving the environment to other Latin American countries and the world.

Marriage equality and saving the planet. How can this plan go wrong?

man marries a tree argentina

richard torres man-marries-tree

  • BagLady

    No doubt this man has spent time in India where it is quite common, although in my experience it is always women who marry the trees not daft western men.

  • http://fdnyretiree.com/ Ed FDNYRetiree

    And these queers don’t want to be called queer?

    That in itself is queer.

  • Gamal

    Was it a gay tree? We can’t discriminate against gay trees.

  • Gamal

    Christian ministers must be forced to marry people to gay trees!

    • Daniel Greenfield

      And Christian gardeners too

      • tagalog

        Ordain those gardeners! They do it with kosher butchers…

  • BS77

    After a few months, Mrs. Tree will realize hubby has been out drinking just a little too much, and perhaps flirting with that Birch from the other side of the lake….looks like rolling pin time.

    • john spielman

      what about when they (Richard Torres and the tree) have a fight and Richard offers an “olive branch”, will that be a sign of infidelity?

    • Gee

      But the rolling pin is made out of wood and cutting a tree down is murder if one can marry them

  • Veracious_one

    He must be a Democrat, he’s married a left leaning tree….

  • CowboyUp

    He’s a bigamist, because he’s already married to another plant. Nobody objected, even though everyone there knew he should have married some kind of fruit tree.

    • Gamal

      If he converted to Islam there would be no problem with him being married to another plant.

  • Gamal

    Can’t blame him, the singles scene is rough out there and besides trees
    don’t nag, they don’t complain they just stand there and look pretty.

    • Biff Henderson

      It probably started out innocently enough. Sappy McStuffins was out foraging for a divining rod, their auras met; the next thing you know –

      “Hey Miss Fir, you got a purdy douse.”

      And the rest is history.

  • Gamal

    Maybe he was born that way. Maybe he didn’t have a choice. Who are we to make racists or rather specist judgements? Come to think of it though he’s bi because he has a human wife and a tree wife. Life is so confusing.

  • laura r

    looks like frontpage mag is turning into national enquirer. another idiot artical about idiots who are no bodies. now they have PR. whats up w/jamie glazov?

    • DogmaelJones1

      Yes, Torres is an idiot, but the article does reveal that the U.S. doesn’t have a corner of environmental madness and whack-jobs.

  • Gee

    How does anybody know that the tree consented to this?

  • fish

    How many kids are they planning to have?

    Oh, sorry, I forgot. On evil right wing christians have children. All the cool cats have far more important things to do with their time and money. Lets see how that works out for you in 3-4 generation. The left is commiting demographic suicide. The rest don’t really have to do anything except for wait.

  • DogmaelJones1

    The “race” of the tree was not identified (it must be an Argentinian species), but I wonder how many seedlings Torres and his “partner” plan to have. Will the happy couple qualify for ObamaCare in the U.S., or do they have the same “keep your plan” option down there? Did Evita Peron appear to him in a dream and tell him to marry his “significant other? What’s he going to do about dogs that think his spouse is a fire hydrant? And we thought only Americans were the true tree-huggers.

  • cheechakos

    The honeymoon splinters are going to be a pain to get rid of.

    What kind of wedding gifts did they receive? Fertilizer,bottled water and a rake?

  • Judenlieber

    What the BLEEP has happened to this country? Doesn’t this guy realize that there are millions of lonely sheep out there? They wouldn’t leave you with splinters…and lanolin is great for your hands!

  • ziggy zoggy

    Gilbert Grape married a tree? LOL! Did he consummate a knothole? Did a squirrel nibble his nuts?

    Lefties are too ridiculous to parody.

    • Biff Henderson

      Was this a union of mutually consenting species or was one of the parties coerced into bondage to satisfy the whims of a fanatic? What constitutes marital rape in this interspecies Lovefest? If a tree balls in a forest and no one is around to testify to it being violated, does it make the docket?

  • Raymond_in_DC

    “First men marrying men.Then women marrying bridges. And men marrying trees.”

    You forgot the woman who married a dolphin. But when that marriage failed the dolphin could at least … swim away. The tree can’t leave this doomed marriage because she is, well, stuck.

  • tagalog

    At 33, Jesus died to save all mankind from damnation. That was in about 33 A.D.

    Now, a guy marries a tree to save the forest.

    Times have certainly changed. Not for the better. Although I hope that last observation goes without saying.

    • laura r

      there has always been eccentric people doing these things for decades. usually to make a statement. why is this such a big deal? its PR stunt.

      • tagalog

        Why are you asking me? Ask Daniel Greenfield. I’m just commenting on his commentary.

        • laura r

          i think there were idiots those days too, its nothing new. i have already already commented on the artical today, & im sure greenfield will see it.

          • tagalog

            Look at all the Athenians who followed Alcibiades. Socrates -one the great geniuses of world history- was an idiot for saving his life in the Peloponnesian War. And that was 400 years before Christ.

  • tickletik

    I think it’s gross that a vegetable can marry a tree

  • A Z

    Is Richard Torres trying to look like Johny Depp?

    When Torres decides to tie the knot with a woman (or a man) later on, he should be charged with bigamy and incarcerated.

  • Drakken

    WTF???? We have lost our effing minds. Just when you thought the leftards could not lower themselves any further, well there ya go!

  • laura r

    jamie glazov admitted that some frontpage articals “are silly”. the tree &”man marries horse” articals are “national enquirer” material. lower mainstream, its a cheap shot, nothing of value. this mag does not need “filler”. this is the best publication online, glazov & horowitz are the most brilliant of voices. i am perplexed as to the choice of this material. it is as tasteless &sensationalist as the left wing propaganda. dont stoop to their level, its not entertaining.

  • dollaholla

    Morning Wood! And evening and afternoon!

  • Vince Stagbaugh

    Okay, now let’s see you make a family.

  • Arin Davidson

    oh look a vegetable kissing a tree. you see new things everyday in backwater america.

  • Wolf Manson

    “By the power vested in me by the State of Confusion, I now pronounce you tree and herbiphile. Tree, you may now kiss the pervert.”

  • mjpk6269

    Now THAT is gay!

  • bwark

    This is absolutely bizarre! Can it be true? I’m just at a loss….

  • CptApollo

    And the retards just keep coming out of the wood.