Escape ObamaCare by Joining an Indian Tribe

This white guy could be you

This white guy could be you

Want to escape ObamaCare, but don’t feel like going Amish or founding the Church of No ObamaCare? There’s still another option. The tribal option.

Members of Federally recognized Indian tribes are exempt from the individual mandate subject to verification of Indian status. Now you may be saying to yourself, “But, I’m not an Indian. Sure I’ve got a distant family legend about a Cherokee ancestor. But that’s about it.”

Well joining a tribe, like getting on disability, is not that hard and it doesn’t actually require all that much. Some tribes are eager for more members and have fairly low entrance requirements. Some may require 1/4 parentage, so you’re probably out there. But some go for 1/16th.

If you can fiddle around with some genealogy, you can probably go Cherokee. There’s no blood quantum requirement. But Cherokees with a  written genealogy aren’t your best bet.

What you want is a tribe with a few dozen members looking to boost its numbers, that has few genealogical records worth mentioning and will nod if you say that your great-grandmother was 1/4 something or other.

Start with a tribal directory. There are 500 recognized tribes. Look around for tribes that have inflated their voter rolls or have a sudden “boom” in membership. They’re probably playing fast and loose when it comes to taking in new members.

Once you’re a member, start announcing your minority group status to everyone. Apply to Harvard while claiming to be Native American. Go places wearing tacky jewelery. Demand discounts at Gap stores because they stole your people’s land. Go Full Ward Churchill with it and start accusing everyone who celebrates Columbus Day of being Mussolini.

Then run for Senate. It’s easy and fun and exempts you from ObamaCare twice over. Lecture everyone on how they didn’t really build anything. Then take their money.

Some folks might accuse you of cultural appropriation. But they’re probably just racist.

  • Veracious_one

    Well call me Sioux….

    • Gee

      Isn’t that a girl named ‘Sioux’?

    • Wilecoyote

      Isnt that a Johnny Cash sony?

      • EdWatts

        That would be “A Boy Named Sioux…uhh…Sue”!

      • EdWatts

        And don’t forget Siouxie and the Banshees.

  • Lookatme

    all mexican are suposed to be Aztecs or something?

    • ReasonOverStupidity

      There were/are many tribes south of the border. I myself am one quarter Otomi. However, I’m afraid even that won’t save me from Obama”care”.

    • ebonystone

      Many Latin American countries are largely Amerindian.
      My almanac puts Mexico at 90% Amerindian or “mixed”.
      Others, to name a few are:
      Bolivia, at 85% Amerindian or mixed.
      Honduras at 90%.
      Nicaragua at 74%.
      Peru at 85%.

      • KatherineBranwen

        Define ‘mixed’……it could be anything from a lustful glance to former slaves…which the ‘Hispanic’ countries continued to sell long after the US had banned the trade….
        And BTW, these ‘Mexican Amerindians’ were killing ‘Native Americans’ as fast as they could…..and selling their scalps…..

        • ebonystone

          “mixed” = “mestizo” = part Amerindian, part European

  • Toni_Pereira

    Gosh!Does this mean that the Washington Redskins will get an exemption?

    • isophoroneblog

      No, just the Chicago Blackhawks!

  • nomoretraitors

    Is that that POS Ward Churchill

    • annieoakley

      Yes. He is teaching common core math in AZ.

      • Pyro Rob

        1st grade level?

        • annieoakley

          High School if I remember correctly. I wouldn’t want this god-awful excuse for a human being around any child at any age.

  • Jakareh

    I’m 1/16 to 1/8 Tupian (that’s a South American tribe) and my peeps had a very unique culinary tradition, one with a heavy emphasis on grilled meat dishes. It didn’t necessarily appeal to modern tastes. And I’m not sure if they practiced humane slaughter methods. All right, they were cannibals!

    But, c’mon, cannibalism isn’t all bad! When you hear a liberal nitwit like Gary Yourofsky go on about how women who wear fur should be raped and how it’s futile for meat-eaters to “beg vegans for respect”, deep down you wish someone would knock him on the head and throw him on the grill.

    • Feet2Fire

      Tupian, if you are still around:
      Could you please cite the source for your graphic? Thanks.

      • R K

        The prints were made from copper block plates based on the voyages of Jean de Léry to Brazil in the 1560s. They fit the standard french style of block plating for that period, and they look very familiar to the kind of block plates you will find if you do a little research on the french and their journeys to north america and their interaction with it’s indian tribes. Myself being 1/8 Huron wendat. Time to cash in on that Obama Indian Money!!!!!(LOL)

      • mapache

        looks yummy. You want a leg or a thigh?

        • Feet2Fire

          No thanks. “Red meat” not allowed in this household. LOL.

          • gjroth

            but that’s “the other white meat.”

          • yiddishlion

            I hear Salmon is the other PINK meat……

          • mapache

            depends on source.

      • Lars

        John White, engraved by Theodore deBry

    • mapache

      Of course is that considered Native American? Is a Native American one who lived in what was call the Americas or just what is not called the United States?

    • Travis T

      Leg of lam, side of bruce, and some pulled york.

  • Texas Patriot

    It would appear that we are reaching the uppermost backlash in the swing of the pendulum against Manifest Destiny.

  • Feet2Fire

    Well done, Daniel Greenfield. Great article. And it’s nice to know we have this little “ace in the hole” if needed.

  • Gramma G

    My 11th great grandmother was full Iroquois Mohawk from Mohawk Castle near Canajoharie in upstate New York. She married my French great grandfather, a fur trader, in 1617. Doubt if that qualifies.

    • Injainjuneers

      It’s only the fur trading thing that knocks you out. Otherwise, you may be the last of the Canajoharie Mohawkians, and you’ve already got your own tribe.

  • Chavi Beck

    Daniel you are awesome.

  • mapache

    You forgot the part about opening a casino!

  • Lars

    Halloween isn’t just for pretenders anymore.

  • Don

    Great article!

  • bazaroworld

    You think this will be the straw that lets the Indians take back their country?

    • WorkerBee

      If it helped anything…It would be great.

  • Halo

    You go Ward Churchill, lol!!!

  • sooner4ever

    And if you’re really good at lying about your Indian background, you can become a Senator from Massachusetts.

  • WorkerBee

    Wonder if 1/8th is good enough…Great great grandfather was an Apache Shawman.

    • ricsands

      San Carlos Apache requires 1/4 blood to enroll I believe. Maybe try Mesquelero, Yavapai, or White Mountain

      • SW

        Yavapai have more strict requirements. Not sure about Mescelero or WMAT. I’m San Carlos our enrollment department has great genealogy records.

  • ricsands

    Yeah if you want to go on IHS and show up to clinics that warn you that they are federal buildings. If IHS is what universal healthcare will look like I’m sure we’re all going to see what real healthcare is all about. One great thing about IHS clinics, there is no Spanish found in them, sometimes some Native languages but nothing in Spanish.

  • ricsands

    A very curious thing that was brought to me is that if you register to vote in a community that is not tribal and you have tribal membership you can also register to vote in your tribal land as well. So whatever is on the ballots that are the same you can legally vote for them twice.

  • gmalarki

    I’ll have to take another look at Hank Maison’s genealogy of the Maison and Champine families. About all I know at this point is ancestor Peter Huyet dit Champagne was married at St. Anne’s Church in Detroit in 1760. St. Anne’s has the oldest Catholic church registry in the country going back to something like 1703. I am also sure there is American Indian of some sort in the family both from the appearance of various relatives (like my dad) and the fact that “Muscrats” (descendants of the early French settlers in this region) were much more inclined to marry Indians than people with an English background.

  • REDRUM777

    I feel anyone commenting on this post is a damn Racist! Ugh!

  • Hugh S.

    “you can probably go Cherokee. There’s no blood quantum requirement.” This is not a true statement – there is a requirement to show blood connection as far back as the Dawes Rolls for validation of Cherokee heritage.

  • 76tarabytes

    wow you’re a mess. must be nice to have such #whiteprivilege

  • Johnnie Jae

    Wow. For those of you who think that you can just claim native ancestry and enroll, be prepared to be disappointed when you are asked to prove your descendantship. You can’t just try different tribes, you must be able to prove your ancestry by providing your lineage and even then it depends on whether your tribe goes by matriarchal or patriarchal lineage. As for this article, the author should be ashamed by even spouting off on a topic that he has no knowledge of and for encouraging the marginalization of indigenous people.

  • Rob Schmidt

    I guess this piece is a joke, since it’s profoundly ignorant about tribal enrollment policies.