If You Liked Lenin’s Tomb, You’ll Love Chavez’s Tomb

If you wake up each morning wondering which Che t-shirt to put on today and your only non-Che t-shirt says, “I went to see the embalmed corpse of Communism’s Third-Greatest Mass Murderer and All I Got Was This T-Shirt”… boy does Venezuela have a great tourist destination for you.

Venezuela’s acting president says Hugo Chavez’s embalmed body will be permanently displayed in a glass casket so that “his people will always have him.”

And they will always be able to smell him too. Sadly when Venezuela goes bankrupt and they try to sell him, they will discover that a Chavez mummy doesn’t fetch much on the international market.

Maybe Ahmadinejad will buy him to cuddle with in those cold Iranian winters.

Vice President Nicolas Maduro says the remains will be put on permanent display at the Museum of the Revolution, close to the presidential palace where Chavez ruled for 14 years. Maduro says the president will lie in state first for at least another seven days.

A state funeral for Chavez attended by some 33 heads of government is scheduled to begin Friday morning. Tens of thousands have already filed past his glass-topped casket at a military academy following a seven-hour procession on Tuesday which took his body from the hospital where he died.

Let’s translate that.

Maduro and Chavez’s old cronies know they’re in deep trouble and are building a state cult of Chavez to stave off the inevitable backlash when the economy really begins to fry.

It didn’t work for the Soviet Union. It won’t work for Venezuela. And a few weeks from now, the same people waving photos of Chavez will be complaining that Maduro betrayed the Bolivarian Revolution and that Chavez would never have stood for it if he was alive.

The good news is that at least Latin America has some pyramids, even if they had a different purpose, so when the next shlock filmmaker wants to reenact Night of the Chavez, they can just bundle up the dead dictator inside one of them and film the story of a bunch of explorers looking for Chavez’s buried 2 billion dollar fortune only to experience the Curse of the Dead Socialist Economic System.

  • JacksonPearson

    Talk about tombs:
    Confucious's tomb – occupied;
    Gandhi's tomb – occupied;
    Lenin's tomb – occupied;
    Muhammad's tomb – occupied;
    Christ's tomb – empty.

    Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated, that Hugo Chavez will Resurrect, like Jesus Christ. I say BS!

    • WilliamJamesWard

      He will be back for the Great White Throne Judgement and if he did not make a choice
      for repentance and ask for forgiveness of his sins through Christ Jesus, he is lost as
      the Scriptures tell. Does not look good for him but his case is beyond all but the Almighty
      at this point. We are in calamatous times and possibly the last miuntes of the era.
      Regards,…………….William

      • JacksonPearson

        When that day comes, Chavez will be in a long line-up of despots pleading his case, and seeking redemption.

        Can anyone Imagine, that he acquired 2 billion in cash on presidential pay, while Venezuelans were starving, and living under fictional austerity. Communists and Progressives sure know how to keep their people under their thumb, and on the plantation.

        Obama does it here with EBT stamps, free cell phones, and redistribution to ACORN, SEIU, La Raza, etc. With the trillions that have been vaporized here, one have to wonder how fat Obama's worth have become? Oh forgot, he's still raking in millions on "Dreams From His Pappy," and "Audacity of Hope."

  • Edward Cline

    I can rattle off a dozen "Walking Dead" jokes here at Chavez's expense, and they would all be deserved, but I trust readers will get the point. The "state cult" Daniel mentions here is just another form of institutionalizing the walking dead.

    • Daniel Greenfield

      For an economic system of the walking dead.

  • Mary Sue

    I can see it all now, Venezuela selling off that lard carcass off to the highest whackjob leftist bidder (or the sickest necrophiliac ever)

  • UCSPanther

    Uh-Oh. Looks like I called it on them embalming Chavez Lenin-style.

  • Larry

    They managed to get 33 heads of government to roll up?

    Wonder how much they paid most of them.

  • BS77

    I don't think the Venezuelan people realize how SICK this is….putting a mummy of Chavez in a giant Pepsi bottle.
    It's almost too weird to be true. The guy was a thug billionaire who took everything he could from the Venezuelan economy……what, exactly, was so great about this Latin Mussolini?.

  • Althor

    I hear that they are having some trouble mummifying Hugo Chavez’s corpse. Seems he was literally so full of corruption inside that he is decomposing faster than they can accomplish the mummification process.

    I would have saved them the trouble. A taxidermist would have been more in order for Chavez. After all, as anyone who ever had the misfortune of having to listen to one of his insufferable, uncouth, and ignorant tirades will attest, aside from his mixed mulatto, Carib, and Arawak ancestry, there was a lot of howler monkey in him…

  • Al Rodriguez

    I hear that they are having some trouble mummifying Hugo Chavez’s corpse. Seems he was literally so full of corruption inside that he is decomposing faster than they can accomplish the mummification process.

    I would have saved them the trouble. A taxidermist would have been more in order for Chavez. After all, as anyone who ever had the misfortune of having to listen to one of his insufferable, uncouth, and ignorant tirades will attest, aside from his mixed mulatto, Carib, and Arawak ancestry, there was a lot of howler monkey in him…