Iran’s TV Claims Malala is a Really a Polish Christian Girl Named “Jane”

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Obviously she’s Polish

It’s actually worse than that.

Iran fell for a parody written in Dawn, Pakistan’s biggest English language paper.  How could the intrepid journalists of Iran’s PressTV have fallen for such a hoax?

You be the judge. And yes, that photo is part of the Dawn article.

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However, the officer kept refusing to talk to us but finally relented on the condition that we refer to him as ‘Master X’.

Master X met one of our reporters at an abandoned girls’ school in lower Swat. To hide his face, the officer wore a Spiderman mask.

Talking to the reporter he said: “This had to come out one day. And I just couldn’t let myself continue to keep such a dangerous secret hidden. I am a true patriot.”

He then added: ‘My father once told me, ‘Peter, with great power comes great responsibility’.’

His revelations led us to our next shocking discovery (with evidence):

• Malala’s shooting was staged by intelligence agencies. The officer told the reporter that the whole shooting incident was a stunt planned by Pakistani and US agencies to pave the way for the Pakistani army’s invasion of North Waziristan: “It was all a drama,” he explained. “It was staged so the Pakistan army would have an excuse to invade North Waziristan.”

When asked why he was using the word ‘invasion’ when North Waziristan was a part of Pakistan, the officer replied: “North Waziristan is an autonomous Islamic Emirates. It has been like that for centuries. But our history books distort the facts and teach our children that it is part of Pakistan. The area has unimaginable amounts of oil, gold, copper, silver, bronze, coal, diamonds, gas and fossilised dinosaur remains underneath its rugged grounds. That’s what the Americans are after.”

Our reporter then asked whether he had any evidence to prove his claim.

The officer pulled out a few photographs and showed it to the reporter. The photographs showed a few bones. “Dinosaur bones,” he explained.

How could Iran’s top journalists have known? How?

Showing us the report, he said he extracted Malala’s DNA when as a child she visited his clinic (with her parents) complaining of an earache.

“After she was supposedly shot last year, I remembered I had a bottle where I had kept some of her earwax,” the doctor explained. “Collecting earwax of my patients is a hobby of mine,” he added.

He went on to claim that according to the DNA, Malala is a Caucasian, most probably from Poland.

Iranian journalism. Now worse than Pakistani journalism.

  • Softly Bob

    Malala definitely looks like a Caucasian to me. Her skin is white as snow. Of course, she is really called Jane. Jane is such a traditional Polish name!

  • A Z

    Malala certainly looks Polish.

    Some of the Iranian people and some of the Iranian oligarchy believe their own bile. But hey they are no different than the people suffering mass psychosis here.

    Why I bet if Obama said she looked Polish, 30% of Americans would say she looks Polish too.

    Here is how you would get the poll results. You point out that Charles Bronson is Polish ancestry. It is true. You show a picture of Mr Bronson and then of Malala along with the fact that if Obama said she looked Polish, you could get the desired poll result. That is how you lie.

    Of course Mr Bronson is of Polish Tartar ancestry and is jot genetically typical of 90+% of the Poland need not be said. Doesn’t matter what Bronson’s ancestry is or is not. He is up there with Chuck Norris. And steppe nomad warriors are pretty tough.

  • Veracious_one

    ONCE upon a time didn’t Master X get stomped by the Undertaker?

  • SCREW SOCIALISM

    The ayatollah khomeni was a son of satan.

    That’ is why the ayatloolahs love him so much.

  • DogmaelJones1

    If Malala is Polish, it would seem that someone is overlooking a great employment opportunity in Hollywood as a make-up artist. Love that Spiderman outfit, too. Could be the new trend in Muslim fashions: burqas for men, with that macho twist. Or perhaps that’s the garb of the expected Twelfth Iman. Or was that the Thirteenth? Oh, those credulous Iranians!

    • shafibhai

      No brother it isn’t muslims fashion it’s actually Christians fashion haven u seen it in theaters, the whole world had seen, haven’t you.

      you may think that what i said doesn’t make any sense. If it really doesn’t make sense does your comment “new trend in Muslim fashions: burqas for men, with that macho twist” make any sense.

      Have u read the above stated article in DAWN, i have read it and at the below mentioned “—DISCLAIMER: The above article is a work of satire and fiction and in no way attempts to depict events in real life.”

      it’s all a story and the actual issue is a political, then you may take the names of country stating so and so did this, that, blah blah…………., how come you take the name of “muslim”. it makes fool of you.

      • DogmaelJones1

        Sir (or Madame): You really need a crash course in satire or irony. Anyway, I always look forward to taking the name of Muslim or Allah or Mohammad in vain. Islam is such a dysfunctional ideology.

  • The March Hare

    Waddayouknow!! A doctor that collects earwax as a hobby! What ever happened to stamp collecting? Are there no stamps in Pakistan?

  • SofortHilfeGott

    Get accostumed to these farces from Iranian Media.
    Very similar to arab media and Telesur.
    For more examples just see here in that weblink provided below:
    “Iran is a great country for kebab;
    their pretty if well-covered girls are fine; but sense
    of humour is just not their forte. Their state media
    repeatedly broadcasted items lifted from the Onion,
    a satirical magazine taking them for literal truth. The
    Onion ran a

    story about American farmers who would rather have a
    drink with Ahmadinejad than with Obama, and their Fars
    news agency duly

    reprinted it. The Onion faked an interview with Mark
    Zuckerberg, and Iranian state-owned Press TV

    took it for a real thing.
    And now, a new faux-pas. The same
    Iranian state-owned Press TV published an

    attack on Julian Assange with a bombastic claim:
    “Exclusive: Assange-Mossad ties unveiled”. A brief check
    shows an identical piece appeared on

    The Veterans Today site. Both pieces are identical,
    both “exclusive” and both written by the same person, a
    Gordon Duff, wearing two hats, that of “the chief editor
    of VT” and that of a “columnist of Press TV”. Oy, it
    would be better to stick to the Onion”.:
    http://www.israelshamir.net/English/Off_His_Onion.htm

  • Muhammad Tahir Din Ch

    It Is So funny story,how can I believe different part of world changed for making joke around the advertisement.
    Must Look back way behind In 2009,the story open up In 2013,That’s 5 yeas old story so Funny.Journalist make News Media around crazy make fun of the Countries homeland Illegally.
    So they talk About President Obama story ask for birth certificate was Illegal, So what about this Innocence girl story come on public.