Kerry Vows Outreach to Entirely New Country He Just Made Up

“Is that Oz? I want to see the Wizard.”

Our economy may be toast and our international influence couldn’t even toast bread, but a side benefit of this administration is that life now imitates The Onion.

But remember John Kerry is an experienced world traveler. Like Obama, he knows that Austrian is a language. Like Hillary, he’s fluent in Russian. And he’s an expert on all the nations of the world. It’s about time we had a true diplomat in charge instead of all these crazy GOPers who probably don’t even believe that Global Warming created the world.

U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry may need a map or new glasses after he confused the central Asian countries of Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan, inventing an entirely new nation known as “Kyrzakhstan.”

The newly minted diplomat was referring to Kyrgyzstan, a poor, landlocked nation of 5.5 million, which he appeared to confuse with its resource-rich neighbour to the north, Kazakhstan.

Or maybe Kerry is foreshadowing a new plan to merge Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan together into one country. You never know.

The State Department kindly omitted the error in the official transcript of Wednesday’s speech, which Mr Kerry delivered on the eve of his first foreign trip as secretary of state.

Kindly is one way of putting it. I can think of some others.

Mr Kerry’s flub was all the more awkward, because Kyrgyzstan is a key ally in the U.S.-led war in Afghanistan and a major recipient of US aid, which totalled $41 million (£27 million) in 2011.

No big deal. Obama brushes his teeth with $41 million. He spends more than that on dog food. And Muslims are notoriously hard to offend.

I’m sure that the next time Chinese diplomats come calling, they won’t point out that they at least know that Kyrgyzstan exists. The Russians won’t either. It wouldn’t be gentlemanly for them to point out that the American diplomatic effort is being headed up by a horse’s ass, without the horse.

But there’s a promising angle to this. Obama Inc. has completely failed in its international diplomatic outreach to real countries, maybe it can succeed with outreach to countries that don’t exist.

I for one am looking forward to Kerry’s upcoming tour of Oz.



  • jakespoon


  • tagalog

    Proof that a high-quality education can be totally wasted.

    I was waiting for Kerry to start talking about sending foreign aid to Freedonia.

    • jakespoon

      Next stop_ East Korea.

    • Edward Cline

      Yes, I think Groucho Marx would be a far more effective and knowledgeable Secretary of State. At least his one-liners would be intended to produce laughter, and not be Biden-esque gaffes.

      • tagalog

        Also, I like their armed forces salute.

  • Paul Blase

    How about Elbonia?

    • jakespoon

      He's going to Slavania,as soon as he brings peace to the mid-west.

    • Big Irish

      hear he will be travelling to see the Cliffs of BenDover.

    • A 23 Year Old Man

      Thumbs up because I understood the Dilbert reference.

  • Chanameel

    Sometimes a mind can get mixed up when the person lives in the back of a car in Cambridge, Massachusetts for too long.

    Go Harvard. (Boo Yale)

  • JacksonPearson

    "Hanoi John" by any other name, is still "Hanoi John." Dirty Johnny hasn't changed one iota since his treasonous Vietnam days.

    • Johnny G

      this guy believes his own puffery… and I live in this country… did he shoot himself to get out and a purple heart?

      • JacksonPearson

        I believe the term scratched himself five times in a few months. I could be wrong, but supposedly, any soldier with X amount of wounds would be relieved of further combat duty. Hence, Kerry came home early and used his three purple hearts as a war hero, and an anti-war ploy. He's been repeatably asked to release details, however, still refuses.


    • D-Boy

      What? hasn't changed? that new face lift makes him look like an earthworm. Sorry earthworms…

  • Gee

    What is truly scary is that compared to Chuck Hagel – SoS Kerry is a genius.

    • Johnny G

      Hagel is a disgrace… because he is destined to be a puppet for the anti-Jewish values of his Obossa..

  • vladtepes2

    When you live in Lalaland you can't be expected to keep track of every other country like Kazakhland..err.. Kyrgyzastan…a..a… ahhh… hell.

  • Edward Cline

    The cuckoo bird is notorious for laying its eggs in other birds' nests. John Kerry is a cuckoo.

  • pinnie

    As always …why the long face John !!

  • Artist

    Next stop….Slobovia!

  • Lan Astaslem

    Kerry's native country – Lurchville – (You rang?)