Obama is Sorry that You Lost Your Insurance Even Though It’s Not His Fault

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Is he upset that you lost your insurance? Absolutely.

No one is angrier than him about the set of circumstances that caused you to lose your insurance. Except maybe you and the other millions of people who lost their insurance.

He is “very sorry” that they found themselves in this situation “based on assurances they got from me”; which is the sort of thing you say if you’re a corporate lawyer trying to explain how bad your client feels about all the people whose cars exploded, without in any way conceding fault.

It’s too bad about those assurances, but only a non-lawyer would assume that a lawyer was conceding fault with so little available causality.

It’s not his fault really. He really believed you could keep your health plans. And then his people wrote the regs so that you couldn’t. But the trigger for the regs was technically in the marketplace.

So it’s not his fault. It’s the fault of the healthcare marketplace churn.

Some might say that’s like putting a bomb on a bus that will go off if it drops below 50 miles an hour and then blaming the resulting deaths on the bus for going too slow… instead of on the guy who planted the bomb.

Obama put the bomb on the bus. But it’s the fault of the bus, gasoline, the combustion engine, gravity and the fragility of human bodies that caused all the deaths.

Don’t get him wrong. He’s sorry that your subpar body was on board a bad apple bus that began going so slowly that the bomb went off. He really, really thought that the bomb wouldn’t go off.

That’s why he put the bomb there. Because he didn’t want to kill people.

And only a crazy right-winger would assume that Obama would put a bomb on a bus because he wants it to go off or that his people write regs that kill a health plan if it raises its co-pay by 5 bucks because they want to wipe out the “wild wild west” marketplace full of sub-par plans that may have lower premiums and deductibles, but don’t cover your sex, sexual preference and species change operation into a gay female lemur.

Obama is trying to be patient with you. He realizes you’re not very smart. I mean, let’s face it, you watch NBC. How smart could you be? So he’ll patiently explain to you that due to circumstances beyond the control of his passive voice, your health insurance policy is cancelled, the website where you’re supposed to buy an expensive sub-par bad apple new policy doesn’t work, even though enough money was spent on it to insure everyone in your state for the next ten years and, worst of all, even country singers are making fun of him.

Obama was “burned by a website”. And it’s not because it had one of those animated gifs of crackling flames on it. Sure he isn’t the one spending days trying to get it to work. But people are blaming him for spending a few hundred million dollars on a website that doesn’t even work and is keeping people from getting his new overpriced insurance that costs more, but covers them in case their birth control runs out while they’re under attack by a giant spotted gay lemur.

But it’s all about Obama. Bad things happen to him.  You’re just a bystander in the great drama of his great life.

  • truebearing

    “And only a crazy right-winger would assume that Obama
    would put a bomb on a bus because he wants it to go off or that his people
    write regs that kill a health plan if it raises its co-pay by 5 bucks because
    they want to wipe out the “wild wild west” marketplace full of sub-par plans
    that may have lower premiums and deductibles, but don’t cover your sex, sexual
    preference and species change operation into a gay female lemur.”

    Hilarious! Now that is how Obama should be mocked, 24 hours a day.

    A disturbing note: the already growing number of giant spotted gay lemurs in Madison are starting a union and demanding health care subsidies.

  • Naresh Krishnamoorti

    Great analogies. People are too stupid to unpack all the irrationalities in Obama’s excuses unless they’re spelled out for them using analogies.

  • http://fdnyretiree.com/ Ed FDNYRetiree

    Can anyone think of anything that’s his fault?

  • Sussex Girl

    Bush’s fault.

  • Cathy1000

    He makes me sick! I cannot stand to hear him speak, as I know that every time he opens his mouth he spouts lies, and I cannot stand to look at him, as all he does it look down his nose at the American people!
    He lied and lied and lied about the ease or difficulty of getting insurance….. If someone worked for a living, despite having pre-existing conditions, they were quite able to get insurance….. Believe me, I KNOW that is TRUE due to my own circumstances!!!

  • Gee

    I have also noticed that anybody that is not fired-up and cheering for whatever his issue of the week is – is automatically called a racist.

    Odumba the First seems to be the very first president that nobody is allowed to oppose

  • carpe diem 36

    and they are getting them, obamacare ordered all policies to include mental health and substance abuse care. it is not difficult to imagine that 90% of the people covered will think up some such “ailment” and demand treatment, that of course never ends. what are they going to think of next? i can’t wait.