Ready for Hillary’s 3 Creepiest Items Will Give You Nightmares

Ready for Hillary is the Hillary for 2016 PAC chaired by a sweatshop owner and a sleazy lawyer. And attempting to copy the success of the Obama clothing and crapware line, Ready for Hillary is rolling out a nightmarish collection of horrors.


1. Nothing says candidate like a creepy disembodied head based on a badly photoshopped picture floating on a gray background with bright red lettering.

Is it an ad for a horror movie? Is it a haunted reusable bag from Whole Foods that accidentally swallowed a demon spirit in the Tanzanian coffee aisle?

Don’t try to look at this unholy love child of a Madonna album cover and a yarn bag from hell. Once you do, its eyes will follow you everywhere you go. And there is no escape.

Only 35 dollars.


2. This asphalt gray unisex shirt is union made and really communicates something. Unfortunately the thing it communicates is that Hillary, like an alien chest buster, is staring out of your chest and asking if you’re ready for the former First Lady to burst through your skin and begin a murderous campaign of devouring human flesh.

Designed in East Berlin by former Stasi agents, the t-shirt perfectly captures the sense of ironic despair that characterizes Hillary’s campaign. Ready it proclaims. For what? Oblivion? Death? A zombie invasion? No one knows. But the gray sucks you in. The old smiling photo floating on a dreary abyss of hopelessness.

To wear this shirt is to accept that life has no meaning.


3. This morning this button said, “Farber Home Insurance.” But now it wears Hillary’s face. Ready, it says in red letters. Telling, not asking. The toaster now only makes bread with Hillary’s pixel printed face on it. The television keeps showing staticky reruns of Hillary’s campaign speeches. And the dog’s barks have begun to sound curiously like her.

I opened all the envelopes, but they were blank except for a sheer of paper with READY printed on it in red. The phone no longer works. Instead of a dial tone, I hear the whisper of old Hillary talk show appearances hissing over the lines.

Tomorrow, millions of Americans will look into their mirrors and see Hillary’s face looking back at them. “Ready?” she will whisper.

  • Inane Rambler

    I’m still convinced Shrillary will not run, but if that’s going to be her equivalent to the Hope painting, I’m terrified.

  • Larry Larkin

    She really does want to give a generation of American children nightmares.

    • objectivefactsmatter

      She wants to give intelligent people nightmares. She’s good too. Look at her track record. She’s ready for more.

  • objectivefactsmatter

    Hilary is hip. Really hip. Awesome. What more could we ask for from elected officials?

    Get the shirt. Get with it. Ready to go Forward. Again. And again.

    • OfficialPro

      she puts the ‘hip’ in ‘hipster’!

  • DogmaelJones1

    No, I’m not “ready” for more Hillary, more Vincent Fosters, more commodities scams, more Benghazi’s, more White Waters, more Clinton-caliber scandals and corruption. Thank you very much. I’ll bet the designers of this rubbish got their idea from those Big Brother posters in “1984,” the kind that seem to watch you from every angle. What were they thinking?

  • UCSPanther

    I want a Che Guevara t-shirt and a Pol Pot handbag as well, please.

  • OfficialPro

    I’ll carry one of those bags if I ever want to scare a mugger.

  • faycal

    Sale of computer hardware, surveillance cameras, scoring system, standard
    telephone, fax, fire protection system, air conditioning system, printers,
    alarm systems, computers and computer networks, video projectors, video and
    intercom, water heaters, cash registers, automatic doors

  • Adam

    Where are the mens thick black glasses? They should sell a Monica cigar that reads “what difference does it make”

  • Crazycatkid

    Ready for more Muslim Brotherhood? Ready for Sharia Law?
    Hillary = Muslima Brotherhood Huma’s BFF
    The White House occupied, perhaps forever, by Muslim Brotherhood. This is even scarier than her face.

  • ServosT

    Cover her eyes with a witches’ hat, color it green and you have to image on the Wicked musical posters.

  • Skincare Dryskin

    I don’t want buy its, but “IT” maybe!!

  • Skincare Dryskin

    I don’t want buy its, but “IT” maybe!!

  • stevethird

    Imagine walking into a TV store with an entire wall of TV screens with that image on ALL of them. Then walk out and see the three-story image plastered on the wall of the apartment building across the street from the store. This is the making of a horror movie. Sort of a cross between Godzilla and Fahrenheit 451.

    • Gee

      Don’t do that while I am eating!!!

  • glpage

    So, is “Ready” a question or a directive? Like, “Are you Ready to bend over?” or “Get Ready to bend over!”

  • Ray_Van_Dune

    That face needs a Joker mouth and a “What does it matter?” caption.

  • Blegoo

    Ready… for WHAT?