Reasons to Vote for Bill de Blasio

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I’m not going to tell you who to vote for in New York City’s Democratic primary. It wouldn’t matter much, except barring an unusually good showing by Joe Lhota, Giuliani’s choice, or Cats pulling it off, the winner will likely be the next mayor of New York City.

As a testament to the insanity of the electorate, Bill de Blasio is now the front runner, taking Anthony Weiner’s place.

It’s not like there’s a good candidate in this race. Bill Thompson has shot up to third place because he seems stable. Stable isn’t though a quality that the majority of voters want.

That’s why Weiner was the front runner. It’s why Spitzer is the front runner. It’s why De Blasio, a man who isn’t on speaking terms with stable, is now the front runner and may even pull in enough votes to dodge a runoff.

De Blasio is actually the worst candidate in the race. He would be the worst candidate in any race. He’s running on cheap class warfare and the eager fumes of union bosses looking forward to getting unimaginably lavish contracts from the city.

And they’ll get them.

That’s a problem because New York City is already deep in debt and the only things keeping it from turning into Detroit are Wall Street, tourism and law enforcement.

De Blasio will put a bullet in the head of the NYPD. Then he’ll sink the city deep into debt and try to tax that elusive 1 percent to pay for it. The 1 percent will go elsewhere.

Meanwhile the city will be stuck with the kinds of crippling contracts destroying California. And the unions, like those in Detroit, will be left to whine that they’re left out of the bankruptcy proceedings.

So there are good reasons to vote for De Blasio. And here they are.

10. You really hate New York City

9. You wish New York City were more like Detroit

8. You really want to play out Escape From New York for real.

7. You’re functionally illiterate

6. Your day job is protesting against the war. Any war.

5. You’re determined to vote for the angriest man in the race

4. You thought the guys fouling up downtown had some really great ideas about making Wall Street pay… for something

3. You want to see the city burn to the ground.

2. You think that people who aren’t you need to pay more for everything

1. You’re an idiot

We can just cut to the chase and pull up to the number 1 train.

I can’t and won’t tell you who to vote for. Except maybe a write-in vote for La Guardia. I will tell you that in a race full of evils, voters have managed to once again unerringly choose the greater evil.

Congratulations.

  • NAHALKIDES

    Daniel is right – no one can advise New Yorkers whom to vote for because all the candidates are terrible. The only sensible advice is to leave New York and help us Conservatives maintain our strength of numbers in other places. New York is going the way of Detroit, and I can’t imagine anything stopping it.

  • Veracious_one

    As a testament to the insanity of the electorate, Bill de Blasio is now the front runner, taking Anthony Weiner’s place.

    and just when you thought things couldn’t get worse…..

  • SCREW SOCIALISM

    Sure it could be worse.

    It could be John Liu, a smart guy, but DUMB for accepting Al Sharptons endorsement.

    Al Sharpton should be the third rail of NYC and national politics.

  • SCREW SOCIALISM

    Stop and Frisk to prevent Stop and Rob/Shoot/Stab/Rape…

  • tickletik

    Honest new yorkers should print this article up by the thousands and distribute them in every bourough of the city

  • Bill Dalasio

    You know, if I woke up one morning without a soul and became an idiot progressive NYC politician, I’d remind myself of one thing every day when I got up: NYC = Detroit + Wall Street. Without Wall Street, NYC is Detroit. They pay the bills. They make enough money that NYC can follow the same idiot policies as Detroit and get by. They create a sizable portion of the good jobs in the city and their employees keep many of the city’s businesses afloat.

  • Bill Dalasio

    It’s sad for the Democrats that the lesbian political hack is the sensible choice.

  • RAM

    This prospect would normally propel people to the suburbs, but hardly anyone can afford to live there either.