Tearful Zimbabweans Hoard Eggs, Beer, as Mugabe Wins 7th Term


Back in the day, Western diplomats insisted that Mugabe, instead of Bishop Abel Muzorewa, should run Zimbabwe. They got their way. These are the wonderful fruits of the UK’s Lancaster House Agreement.

Why beer and eggs?

Under Mugabe, the price of an egg rose to 50 billion Zimbabwean dollars and a beer hit 150 billion dollars because Mugabe had the same idea of economics as Obama and Paul Krugman; just print more money.

Mugabe won his first term through illegal intimidation. He won his 7th term the same way. Raise a glass of beer to the Western diplomats and their great contribution to Rhodesia. Drink one for the Lancaster Agreement, the land seized from farmers and the eternal rule of Mugabe.

Drink well. Because no one in Zimbabwe has 150 billion dollars for a beer.

President Robert Mugabe won a landslide victory in Zimbabwe’s disputed election, officials results showed on Saturday, as opponents vowed to challenge the poll which the US said was not “credible”.

Mugabe, 89, appeared poised to extend his 33-year rule with a seventh term in office after trouncing his long-standing political rival, Morgan Tsvangirai, in Wednesday’s election.

But 61-year-old Tsvangirai, who has unsuccessfully tried to unseat Mugabe three times, condemned the vote as “fraudulent and stolen”.

Tsvangirai vowed to challenge the result in court and said his Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) would boycott government institutions.

“We will not join government,” he said. “We will go to court.”

“The fraudulent and stolen election has plunged Zimbabwe into a constitutional, political and economic crisis.”

He defended the MDC’s decision to enter into an uneasy power-sharing government with Mugabe, who has had him arrested, beaten and charged with treason.

“Our participation rescued this country. Schools had closed, hospitals had closed. We were using the Zimbabwe dollar which was worthless, there were no goods in the shops, everyone was desperate,” he said.

But furious at the alleged scale of rigging this time round, Tsvangirai said the days of cohabitation were over.

Even before the official election results, Mugabe followers were planning how to use a parliamentary majority.

“The new constitution will need cleaning up,” said justice minister Patrick Chinamasa, referring to a text overwhelmingly approved in March that introduced term limits and curbed presidential powers.

Chinamasa said Mugabe’s government would also press on with controversial efforts to bring firms under black ownership.

Put a Communist-backed terrorist in charge of a country. And this is what you get.

British foreign secretary William Hague added his own “grave concerns” over the conduct of the vote in the former colony.

You broke it. You bought it.

  • Mike

    This has nothing to do with Robert Mugabe. The hyperinflation is the result of manipulative Jewish money controlling the Industrial Military Complex, aided by Colonialist Racist Britain and encouraged by Imperialist Ecocidal America, all of who are snidely conspiring against a brave ex-Freedom Fighter, to sway world public opinion against a great leader of a great country. It is typical of white racism to draw attention to ‘supposed’ faults in Black Africa and this tactic is clearly an insidious form of projection to cover up the crimes of Colonialism, Fascism and White Imperialism, all of which … (I can’t remember now but I’m sure it’s the West’s fault). Good luck Bob – you show them! Way to go!!

    • Omar

      America is not an imperialist country (in fact, America is anti-imperialist). Russia and China are imperialist. Mugabe’s Zimbabwe is a Communist Chinese puppet. In fact, Russia and China, which are still Communist are worse than Franco’s Spain. Mugabe is a black supremacist who wants reverse racism and who wants a neo-apartheid system in Zimbabwe with blacks as the new dominant race. In addition, Mugabe has tried to brutally repress the large democratic dissident movement in Zimbabwe and harbors a brutal Communist despotic fugitive, Mengitsu, from Ethiopian justice. If you want to see true racism against black Africans in the modern world, look at Islamist Sudan, where a genocide took place in Darfur. That genocide was instigated by Islamist jihadist Arabs against black African Christians and you don’t say a word about that. Instead, you support the Islamist apartheid dictatorship in Sudan because you view that regime as “progressive” and a supporter of so-called “social justice.” The Islamist dictatorship in Sudan behaves worse than South Africa’s former apartheid regime, yet many countries welcome Sudan as a “respected” member of the UN. The reason why there are so many dictatorships, autocracies, kleptocracies and slaveocracies at the UN is because of manipulative Islamist money controlling the Dictatorial Military Complex, aided by Colonialist Racist China (which is currently occupying Tibet and committing genocide against the Tibetan people) and encouraged by Imperialist Omnipotent Russia, whose government ruled by Putin behaves worse than the Czar’s regime before 1917. Islamists, Communists and black supremacists are responsible for almost all of the hell in the world today. The International Pan-Islamic Communist Party of Proletarian Islam, which combines those three despotic ideologies, wants to conquer the world, and you as a Stalinist/Maoist, are part of that totalitarian movement.

  • Mike

    Typo above – should have read ” … all of whom are snidely conspiring … “.

  • SoCalMike

    Too bad we can’t horsewhip the diplomats who did this.
    Didn’t Jimmy Carter have a hand in it too?

  • SoCalMike

    Right. Blame Dem Jooz.

    • EamonnDublin

      Mike – You haven’t made it totally clear that you are making a joke.
      For the benefit of those readers who might think you are being serious, can you please post a little note clarifying the fact that you are, indeed, joking. Éamonn, Dublin, Ireland.

  • Pablo

    No, it shouldn’t have read anything. There was no reason to hit “Post” on that whatsoever.

  • Mike

    In response to the suggestion by EamonnDublin, perhaps I should have added a note to my original post – “This has nothing to do with Robert Mugabe … ” informing readers that my post was a parody (joke). I merely sucked out all the usual tropes and stereotypes (Jews, Colonial Britain, Imperialist America, Perfidious West, White Somethng-Or-Other, Military Industrial Complex etc) and used them to explain away Zimbabwe’s failure. That was the joke. It was a parody on the fact that these tropes are the very ones Mugabe uses to shift blame away from himself.
    Apologies to any Jews, Colonialist Britains, Imperialist Americans, Members of the Military Industrial Complex, Colonialists, White Racists or Fascists, The West, or any others who may have been offended by my post.
    I am an ex-South African White Jew, which explains my political and moral standpoint.

    • Jade

      Mike I too am an ex-Zimbabwean white Jew… We have left, seen there is a better way of life… It’s all the more reason to curb such futile and provocative comments. We more than most have seen the true magical side that Africa has to offer and its much less than favourable side too.

      It’s passé and in poor taste, you are the type of African perpetuates this rhetoric why we are forever misunderstood.

  • Jade

    Mike I grew up in Zimbabwe, then Rhodesia and let me tell you that you couldn’t be more wrong. Your contribution is distructive and out of order.

    In Zimbabwe, unlike neighbouring South Africa, both black and white stood together, firm against ZANLA and Mugabe terrorist movement through Mozambiqe.

    Many good men, women and children died fighting to keep the terrorists at back, including my friends and family members. The day my Dad was shot in a terrorist ambush, he and 3 other members of his Section were bleeding together, a mix of black and white. Their bravery and sacrafice ensures that I have the luxurary of correcting you today.

    If you were to actually investigate Zimbabwe’s rich history, you will find that like the rest of Africa, most of the civil wars were as a result of language/ tribal wars.

    • Mike

      This is a serious post – i write from a real feeling place. I am fairly new to posting and I somewhat sarcastically let rip with my feelings about how my experience of Robert Mugabe (from press reports), was that he has taken no responsibility for his part in the downfall of what was once a thriving country, blaming as he did, everyone else bar himself and his policies.
      I want to thank those people who flamed me in response to my post. I had an opportunity to reflect on what was written in reply to my post and I have to say I feel deep regret that my flippancy hurt some people. I originally wrote from a place of sarcasm and not compassion and I feel some shame at my lack of humanness in my post.
      The comments are well taken – I acknowledge that my comments were futile and provocative. Your last paragraph of your first post particularly hurts since it has accurately hit the mark. I want to apologise to you. Your second post talks of my comments being destructive and out of order. I acknowledge that too. Thank you for taking the time to write what you did. It has been a lesson in humility since what I originally wrote took no account of the daily struggles of current people in Zimbabwe, trying to do the best they can in a difficult climate of repression and economic hardship.

  • Veracious_one

    This has nothing to do with Robert Mugabe
    your mama tell you that?

  • Hard Little Machine

    When Mugabe dies it will look like Rwanda.