FDA Claims Authority to Regulate Lightsabers

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. an evil Empire conspired to control every iota of people’s lives. When a Jedi master wielding a lightsaber attempted to rise up against it, the Empire outlawed lightsabers as unsafe at any frequency.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has toy lasers and lightsabers in its sights, issuing guidance to regulate the toys on Friday.

“Many a kid (and parent) who has seen Luke Skywalker battle Darth Vader with a lightsaber thinks lasers are cool,” the government said in a blog post.

The agency’s list of toys the rules would apply to include “lasers mounted on toy guns that can be used for ‘aiming;’ spinning tops that project laser beams while they spin; hand-held lasers used during play as ‘lightsabers;’ and lasers intended for entertainment that create optical effects in an open room.”

Which part of Food and Drug Administration exactly covers lasers? Are lasers a food or a drug?

When asked why the FDA is regulating toy lightsabers and lasers and not the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), the agency said they have the authority under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act.

So lightsabers must be a cosmetic then.

We have a law introduced in response to a botched medication when lasers didn’t even exist that can be used to regulate lasers because there’s no limit to government authority whatsoever. It’s almost like we’re living under some sort of evil empire.

  • glpage

    Darn, they are repressing my inner Luke.

    • truebearing

      Resistance is futile. If you keep powering up your Lightsaber with disposable D-Cell batteries, you will be charged with crimes against the Environmental Empire.

  • JayWye

    even a low powered (3-5mw) laser pointer can blind a person,if aimed into their eye. usually temporary,but it can be some permanent damage.
    aim them at an aircraft,and you can cause a crash,because you might blind the pilot. this is a crime in most US jurisdictions,I believe. aim one at a cop,and they might shoot you,thinking it’s aiming for a gun.

    lasers are not toys for children.
    but don’t confuse LEDs with actual lasers.

    • UCSPanther

      I don’t think that they ever used any laser emitters on toys for safety reasons.

      Only ones I can think where they may have been used was on those “lazer tag” games that were popular in the 1980s…

  • truebearing

    Never underestimate the paranoia inherent in the totalitarian mindset. Lightsabers were seen by millions of young people as the hero’s weapon of choice in fighting evil. The DC Death Star fears a counter-revolution led by young boys brandishing toy Lightsabers. Better ban them before millions of boys attack the Dark Side, aided by an army of teddy bears.

    Come to think of it, they would be more intimidating than John Boehner and the Retreaticans.

  • SoCalMike

    Real lasers are not toys but since when do bureaucrats deal in reality?
    There’s nothing like a good ole fashioned hobgoblin to attack and defeat when you’re getting paid to do non-work.

  • cheechakos

    Fine, i’ll lock my light saber up in the gun safe.Hopefully that know-it-all Yoda won’t find it,again.

    Any idea who regulates disco balls,strobe lights and lava lamps? I bet they are dangerous items also.