I hope this works as well as the Iranian time machine.
An Iranian scientist claimed this week he had invented a radar system which can detect drug addicts from nearly a mile away, and measure the level of narcotics flooding their system
According to the Iranian Mehr News Agency, the system was designed to identify explosives and bodies buried under rubble, as well as alcohol and drugs.
Scientist Seyed Ali Hosseini told the news agency on Tuesday that the technology can locate drug addicts from 1,500 meters (0.9 miles away). He said the “radar tracker was designed and built to detect drugs, explosives, bodies alive and dead under the rubble, addictive drugs and alcoholic beverages.”
No word on whether it can detect gays, but maybe once this amazing new tech has been used to hunt down all the beer drinkers, it can be rewired to work as gaydar.
The enterprising scientist offered a vague description of the technology’s mechanisms, saying “the transmitter part consists of radio waves and radio magnets emitting waves across the earth and stimulates elements’ molecular layer and releases their ions.” The receiver, meanwhile, “detects ions as well as the molecular layer, then transfers waves back to the target to detect their essence.” The system then projects the findings on a computer, “which includes the volume, weight and size of the traced elements,” he said.
Then it travels through three black holes, goes under the gnome, rolls a three and shouts Allahu Akbar and blows itself up.





















