Iranian Scientist Invents Radar that Can Detect Beer Drinkers

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I hope this works as well as the Iranian time machine.

An Iranian scientist claimed this week he had invented a radar system which can detect drug addicts from nearly a mile away, and measure the level of narcotics flooding their system

According to the Iranian Mehr News Agency, the system was designed to identify explosives and bodies buried under rubble, as well as alcohol and drugs.

Scientist Seyed Ali Hosseini told the news agency on Tuesday that the technology can locate drug addicts from 1,500 meters (0.9 miles away). He said the “radar tracker was designed and built to detect drugs, explosives, bodies alive and dead under the rubble, addictive drugs and alcoholic beverages.”

No word on whether it can detect gays, but maybe once this amazing new tech has been used to hunt down all the beer drinkers, it can be rewired to work as gaydar.

The enterprising scientist offered a vague description of the technology’s mechanisms, saying “the transmitter part consists of radio waves and radio magnets emitting waves across the earth and stimulates elements’ molecular layer and releases their ions.” The receiver, meanwhile, “detects ions as well as the molecular layer, then transfers waves back to the target to detect their essence.” The system then projects the findings on a computer, “which includes the volume, weight and size of the traced elements,” he said.

Then it travels through three black holes, goes under the gnome, rolls a three and shouts Allahu Akbar and blows itself up.

 

  • http://ruleofreason.blogspot.com/ Edward Cline

    Iran’s Revolutionary Guard are investigating adapting Hosseini’s invention to detect and manipulate djinn as weapons against Little and Big Satan. A top general in the Guard ‘s R&D division also claims that the immodest, exposed meat of women who pose for Victoria’ Secret, Sports Illustrated, and Playboy are actually houri who corrupt the West and will be special targets of Iran’s militarized djinn.

    • UCSPanther

      I think I can see another premise for a creepypasta: A secretive branch of the Revolutionary Guard does some unethical and dangerous research into the occult, and succeed in contacting a particularly malevolent and powerful Djinn. They strike a deal with it, only to find out too late that the demon demands a very steep price for its summoning and binding…

    • JayWye

      next they plan to invent Daleks,attuned to go after infidels,of course.

  • Fed Up

    Mark Steyn is fond of pointing out that almost anywhere in the muslim world, in their best, cosmopolitan cities you can converse with intelligent, urbane, congenial, sophisticated, educated people. Even here in the west, as well.

    And it will be only a matter of minutes before he or she says something absolutely, positively bats**t crazy.

    Their world really is in the looking glass.

  • mobuyus

    I think I need Iranian technology to get my perpetual motion machine up and running.

  • JayWye

    Comrade Obama will be SO proud of his fellow muslims technical expertise.

  • JayWye

    then they can beam themselves 72 virgins.

  • Pete

    I saw that the Poles were doing this. It was to detect alcohol vapors of drivers. Their intent was to stop drunk driving.

    The Iranian leadership intent is their way or the highway. We know where that leads.

    Not sure if Iranian scientists saw the press reports and knowing it was feasible and reading the article figured it out or if they bought or stole it.

    Either saw this on Science Daily or Real Clear Science

  • bob e

    i bet it can also detect 9 year old girls ready to “consummate” ..

  • fmobler

    I hope this guy sells his invention to the Iranian government for a whole lot of money, and then emigrates as soon as the check clears.