Facing criticism for going right from his Foley statement back to his golf game, the White House announced today that what appeared to be a bored manchild taking endless vacations and hanging out with his pals at taxpayer expense was actually part of a cunning scheme to defeat ISIS.
“Next week, President Obama intends to challenge the Caliph of ISIS to 19 holes at the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course in Hawaii,” White House spokesman Josh Earnest said. “His entire administration, all his experiences, have been leading up to this point. Every time conservatives ridiculed him, he was actually training for the day when he will personally defeat ISIL. At golf.”
While some pundits have questioned whether the Caliph of the Islamic State would even agree to take part in a golf game and what beating him at golf would accomplish, MSNBC and CNN were quick to tout the advantages.
“President Obama is like Batman,” Dr. Marc Lamont Hill told CNN’s Don Lemon. “If Batman fought crime by playing golf. Instead of fighting fire with fire, Barack is going to fight fire with golf.”
However in an exclusive interview with Jeffrey Goldberg, Hillary Clinton suggested that challenging the Caliph to a golf game wasn’t much of a strategy.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” the former Secretary of State said. “Maybe challenge him to a game of ping pong in the tradition of the US rapprochement with China. Or to see who can best defend a 12-year-old girl’s rapist by calling her a mentally ill slut. I could do that one again in my sleep.”
Some questions have been raised about whether the Caliph should even be allowed in the United States, but then it was pointed out that these days anyone can cross the southern border.
While the Caliph of the Islamic State did not yet issue a formal response, an ISIS press release warned that “The Lions of Mosul, the Knights of Tikrit and the Warriors of that Pile of Rubble Near Baghdad would play golf with the heads of the Zionist Crusader infidels and their Freemason Monkey-Pig allies.”