Syria Takes Time Out from Mass Murder to Launch Space Program


Obama told NASA’s chief that his top priority should be Muslim self-esteem.

Now that Syria’s dictator is getting into the business of space exploration, the opportunity to fix those self-esteem problems that lead to terrorism is finally here. (via Religion of Peace)

The Syrian state news agency announced on Tuesday that a national “space agency” will be established to conduct scientific research.

The statement said the cabinet had approved a project to create the so-called Syrian Space Agency, “with the goal of using space technology for exploration and observing the earth” and that it hopes to employ such technology “in the service of development.”

That seems entirely reasonable. If I were living in Syria, I would want to observe some other part of the planet too. But considering that Syrian Muslims can’t even get along with each other, how will they get along with non-Muslim space aliens? Maybe Assad is just looking for new species to make contact with, oppress and then gas?

Some cynics might say that Assad is just hoping to escape to Mars if he loses Damascus. Other say that he’s gambling that if he promises that it will be a sustainable Green space program, Obama will help him pay for it.

  • DuckSoupe

    They would try and put the satellites up there with warheads, and take down the American flag on the moon and declare the entire moon as theirs and charge their citizens for moonlight.

  • DogmaelJones1

    All non-Muslim space aliens would be declared infidels and subjected to dawah or executed. Gay non-Muslim space aliens would be hanged, although hanging anyone in a zero-gravity environment would be difficult. I wouldn’t work well on the Moon or even on Mars, either.

  • Gee

    Of course it will be green – he will get the Irish to supply the rocket fuel

  • A Z

    I am betting on Assad keeping Damascus for the next 3 years, since Putin is whipping Obama’s Azz.

    Which is a sad day, because when Obama takes an azz whooping America takes an azz whooping.

  • Hard Little Machine

    So ballistic missiles then.