Andrew Klavan: How to Speak Leftist, Part II

In this special episode, our scholarly host takes another look into the Orwellian world that is the Leftese Dictionary.

TRANSCRIPT:

THE LEFT WING DICTIONARY VOLUME TWO

I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

Huzzah.  And also Hip-Hooray.  It’s time for another installment of the Leftese Dictionary.  A dictionary of left-wing phraseology is a very important tool now that very important tools are actually running the country.  We stodgy conservatives are mired in the old-fashioned practice of using language to convey thoughts and ideas, but zippy, forward-looking, youth-oriented leftists use words that aren’t weighed down by things like “meaning,” or “sense.”  They just wiggle their fingers in the air like this so that when they drive the country into the crapper they can say it wasn’t their “fault.”

But with careful use of the leftese dictionary, you should soon be able to put together complex leftist sentences such as “In a country like this, everyone should have free health care,” or “Greedy corporations are causing global warming,” or “I want to make the world a better place.” I know, right now, that just sounds like words being strung randomly together in dithering blasts of absolute nonsense, but soon you’ll understand these are ways of expressing important ideas like, “I’m a better person than you,” or “Give me more power.”

But hold on!  Before we can advance to such intricate use of leftese, we have to begin with some simple definitions.

Let’s start with the word “Progressive.”  Progressive is a term used to refer to things like cancer or emphysema or leftism — or indeed anything that slowly destroys whatever it touches.  In political history, the term progressive replaced the term liberal when people realized liberalism didn’t work.  Liberal had replaced the term leftist when leftism didn’t work.  And leftist had replaced the term socialist when socialism didn’t work.  Socialist, of course, had replaced the term progressive.

Used as a noun, a Progressive is someone who believes that mankind progresses and becomes more civilized over time. Examples of progress can be found throughout history. For instance, the Roman Empire was militaristic and imperialistic but humanity finally progressed beyond it into a thousand years of darkness and savagery.  Or there was the Victorian era of sexual repression and racial chauvinism until we finally progressed into the glorious mass slaughter of World Wars, Holocaust and Communism.  And then we got the iPhone so…  you just have to be patient.

The idea of progress is built into another left wing phrase, “the 21st Century.”  In leftese, the 21st century means a magical place of peace and enlightenment. The phrase is found in such leftese sentences as “Putin can’t just conquer Crimea, this is the 21st century,” or “No religion wants to behead non-believers and enslave women anymore.  This is the 21st century.”  When this wonderful 21st century will actually occur is anyone’s guess.  Probably not for hundreds of years. In the meantime, the phrase can be usefully employed instead of taking meaningful action.

But if progress doesn’t come and the 21st century turns out not to be the 21st century, a leftist can always respond by being “smart.” For instance, as secretary of state, Hillary Clinton used “smart power” to transform Libya from an oppressive dictatorship to a blood-soaked hellhole.  President Obama used “smart diplomacy” to change Iraq from a shaky democracy to a bloodsoaked hellhole.  In leftese, the word “smart,” means ineffectual, or unrealistic.  Or stupid.

Or progressive.

This is Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.

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  • Scar

    Great stuff! Mr. Klavan should become a writer for John Stewart. Check that…it wouldn’t be “smart.”

  • pupsncats

    I’ve found it easy to understand Progressive language. Whatever they say, whatever words they use, always mean the opposite. And their definitions of words or titles to legislation attempt to make evil appear good.

    • marsha982

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  • Rual Abrero

    Privilege is a code-word for Intelligence.

    • DrMaxHathaway

      And the rational

  • CapitalistPig

    One of my favorites of late is “unpaid for tax cuts”……………what the he// is that?

    • dwayne roberson

      Not yet fair share except they have long been paying the tab. Ingrate leftist lust. Class warfare has never had a happy ending anywhere for anyone except ruling class tyrants.

      • CapitalistPig

        “Except ruling class tyrants”…………about sums it up. Have never been able to get my more liberal leftists friends to accept the concept of earned wealth. Envy is no more admirable human trait than is greed.
        The latest “answer” to the objection to the accumulation of wealth is that it’s government roads, schools, research etc that’s the “root” of wealth creation–therefore wealth really belongs to all of us. The Elizabeth Warren/Barack Obama “You didn’t build that, someone did that for you” wing of the socialist movement. It never dawns on these people wealth hd to be created first before it was sent to the government. When it comes to building prosperity as opposed to chickens & eggs—we really do know which came first.

        • dwayne roberson

          Love your analysis. Take the emotional nonsense and distill it down. Meritocracy and human nature will always be the only functional marriage. Progressive liberals believe that wealth exists and in “fairness” requires central redistribution. Conservatives understand that wealth is created through work and human industry and when you take it away from someone else you are in fact, a thief. At the moment I want to give the chicken who laid the egg some credit for her work.

          • CapitalistPig

            And worse than being a thief, when wealth is forcibly redistributed you slowly & inexorably strangle the golden goose of incentive. When people feel they aren’t compensated for their effort or worse, actively penalized–they produce less.The fact is, people are motivated by self interest. You can’t repeal human nature.

  • dwayne roberson

    Progressives are NOT. Love the analysis of the cycle…destroy the word with failure and move on. Progressive is rather stained as of late. Expect something like the Smart Party next time. If so I will advocate for stupidity because language means nothing.’

  • hatsylady

    I love this.

  • UCSPanther

    Consider the infamous Eugenics poster of N azi Germany. It is the penultimate symbol of what was considered “progressive” back from the late 1800s-the end of the 1940s…