Obama: Sequester Will Kill Your Dog, Then It Will Kill You and Then It Will Laugh

If you hear a bump late at night, it's probably the Sequester sneaking up on you. If you're missing a sock after doing your laundry, the Sequester probably took it and is wearing it all over town.

The Sequester is like the Swiss Army Knife of fear mongering. There isn't anything it can't do. If you hear a bump late at night, it's probably the Sequester sneaking up on you. If you're missing a sock after doing your laundry, the Sequester probably took it and is wearing it all over town. If your kids are sulking all day, it's not the snow, it's the Sequester. If your pants don't fit anymore, blame the Sequester.


1. The Sequester will flood the country with illegal immigrants (more so than usual)

The Obama administration on Monday warned the nation to expect an increase in illegal immigration if the automatic budget cuts go into effect Friday — the latest caution from a White House determined to raise the heat on congressional Republicans.

And to prove that's true, Obama Inc. began releasing illegal immigrants from custody.


2. The Sequester will make it impossible for you to know if it's snowing on Tuesday

Budget cuts set to take effect on March 1 could seriously compromise the ability of the National Weather Service to provide timely, reliable weather forecasts government officials and industry leaders warn.

And just think when it snows, even though the weatherman said it wouldn't, he and you can both blame the Sequester.


3. Guy who shipped thousands of assault rifles to Mexican cartels claims Sequester will make America less safe

"This sequestration thing has really got to be worked out. It’s going to have an impact on our law enforcement," Holder told the state AGs during a meeting at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

From now on they'll have to hold their big meetings at a Motel 6.

"One of the things that's really going to get hit in the Justice Department budget is our grant-making ability. These cuts are not the ones where I’m given any flexibility.  These are cuts that are just kind of mandated by statute....using a meat cleaver," he said.

Oh no... not the grant-making ability? How will we be able to sleep safely in our beds if Holder can't make as many grants as he used to... with a meat cleaver.


4. The Sequester is hurting Obama's "Asia Pivot"

"Our Asia-Pacific interlocutors... are concerned about the possibility of decreased U.S. engagement in the Asia-Pacific region and a reduction in foreign assistance for Asia,” said Joseph Yun, presently the acting assistant secretary of State for East Asian and Pacific Affairs.

The Sequester is causing concern about American foreign aid to Asia? Now we really have to call it off.


5. Sumatran tigers won't be able to get ultrasounds.

Damai, a rare Sumatra tiger, is now one of the most closely-watched animals at the Smithsonian National Zoo. Trainers are hopeful she's pregnant, but the only way to tell for sure is through an ultrasound.

So what does that have to do with the sequester? It turns out that getting Damai ready for her all-important ultrasound takes intensive daily training -- and that is one thing now in jeopardy.

As Lincoln said, the sum of a great nation is its capacity to provide Sumatran tiger ultrasounds.


6. The New York Medical College in Valhalla will lose around $600,000 in NIH funding.

That's a small part of the $12.4 million in active NIH grants to the college, but it's still significant, Halperin said. The money at stake is sufficient to hire a single assistant professor, who in turn would hire lab technicians, graduate students and expensive equipment for his or her work, he said.

"You're talking about highly compensated people, who spend money and hire other highly compensated people," Halperin said.

And if you don't highly compensate highly compensated people, who will perform the Sumatran tiger ultrasounds of tomorrow?

Tags: Sequester