Great News: UN Will Fight Racism in Soccer

The U.N.'s top human rights official has joined some soccer officials and players in calling for an end to racism in sport.

Some of these days you probably wake up wondering what is the UN good for. Sure they have a nice flag and every now and then they take a photo of themselves next to some hungry kiddies who starve to death as soon as they leave, but can the UN actually do something useful?

Absolutely, the UN replies to the imaginary question that you didn't ask. The UN can fight racism in soccer.

The UN has tried to fight genocide. It has tried to fight world hunger. It has tried to fight internal corruption. But now it's going up a target it can take on; soccer hooligans. And if the UN's track records holds steady, everyone in soccer will be completely racist in 5 years while the UN will have doubled its budget.

The U.N.'s top human rights official has joined some soccer officials and players in calling for an end to racism in sport.

U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights Navi Pillay says racist insults and chants, Nazi salutes, petitions against players and denial of hiring based on color are deplorable. She says they're "particularly damaging" because of the importance of sports for young people.

Can't we all agree that Nazi salutes are bad without the UN getting involved? Is this really a job for the UN? Doesn't the UN already have about a billion actual human rights issues involving mass murder and systematic repression to deal with?

Has it solved the problem of Islamic Sexism that it can safely move on to holding hearings on "Insert Disliked Football Team of Your Choice" Fans?

AC Milan midfieder Kevin-Prince Boateng today told the United Nations that racism is a "dangerous disease" with no easy cure.

Boateng warned the UN that racism remains a very real problem in the 21st century.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the year 2013 and racism is still amongst us and is still a problem," he said.

No way! Really? This is absolutely amazing. I have to put on my press hat with a card in it and rush to the nearest telephone booth to wire the news to my editor. It should hint the front page of the city paper's evening edition.

"It's not simply an argument for the history channel or something that belongs to the past or something that only happens in other countries. Racism is real, it exists here and now."

I'm just shocked. I had no idea. I thought that racism went out with top hats but this brilliant soccer player who has not in any way hit his head too many times getting out of a car is telling me that it still exists.

Describing his experience of playing around the world in his club career and for Ghana, Boateng compared fighting racism with the battle to contain malaria.

"There is no vaccine to fight this and no antibiotics to take," he said. "It's a dangerous and infectious virus which is strengthened by indifference and inaction.

"When I played for Ghana, I learned how to fight malaria. Simple vaccines are not enough. You also have to dry out infected areas where the carriers proliferate.

"I think that racism and malaria have a lot in common.

How well has the UN done against malaria? Right. So this will go well. The UN can just spray soccer stadiums with DDT.

Tags: Racism, soccer