Secretary of Defense Hagel Still Doesn't Understand Why Putin Annexed Crimea

"Why he did what he did, we still don't understand fully."


Ladies and gentleman, the Secretary of Defense of Utopia. Please hold your applause.

Hagel said he does not believe the United States misjudged Russian President Vladimir Putin but that his moves are still not fully understood. Hagel reiterated that the president is focused on a diplomatic resolution.

“I don't think it was a matter of misjudging Putin," he said. "What his intentions were, why he did what he did, we still don't understand fully."

Meanwhile Putin still doesn't understand why we appointed a blithering idiot as Secretary of Defense, but he's certainly taking advantage of it.

Which part of Putin's invading Crimea and taking it over is Chuck Hagel having trouble processing?

I know everyone in Obama Inc. keeps babbling that it's 19th century behavior as if Putin had decided to wear a monocle and ride around on a horse, but even Hagel can't be so stupid as to fail to understand the intention behind invading and taking over parts of Ukraine.

Maybe I'm being optimistic here, but at some point in his prep work for Secretary of Defense, surely Hagel had come across the phenomenon of countries invading other countries. We're not living in some distant utopian future in which no one had done this sort of thing for hundreds of years and everyone controls their emotions with food pills.

Or maybe we are.

Everyone who predicted a hippie takeover probably didn't anticipate that we would one day have a feebleminded Secretary of Defense who seems unable to grasp the concept of invasion and annexation.