College Paper Calls Out "Cognitive Privilege" of Smart People

Do you have any idea how stupid this is?

Then you may have "cognitive privilege"? As the intersectional left continues to kill satire through its very existence, we advance toward the bright future of idiocracy.

Here's the Daily Iowan. The college paper of the University of Iowa. And where better to denounce "cognitive privilege" than a college paper.

There are many kinds of privilege besides white privilege: cognitive privilege, for example. We now know that intelligence is not something we have significant control over but is something we are born with. We are living in a society in which success is increasingly linked to one’s intelligence. ... Thus, the accident of having been born smart enough to be able to be successful is a great benefit that you did absolutely nothing to earn. Consequently, you have nothing to be proud of for being smart.

Dan Williams, the author, of this piece, is justly not proud.

Now you might think that this is satire. It has to be satire. But these days there really is no way to tell.

We do in fact have a significant degree of control over our intelligence. Just as we do over our muscles. You may be born with athletic aptitudes, but if you spend your life eating giant chocolate cakes while watching Netflix, it probably isn't going to happen. Likewise if you abuse whatever native intellectual potential you have by believing leftist ideology, you have only yourself to blame for your lack of cognitive privilege.

Nobody is born "equal". But we develop our abilities. That's where the merit part comes in.

There is something to be proud of for sinking that basket or composing that piece of music or being able to note the witless privilege of the left. It's the pride you take in learning and achieving through your own efforts. 

But you can understand the college paper's perspective. The only way the left can win is if we abandon our cognitive privilege.

But at least we're one step closer to Harrison Bergeron.

THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren't only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.

It was tragic, all right, but George and Hazel couldn't think about it very hard. Hazel had a perfectly average intelligence, which meant she couldn't think about anything except in short bursts. And George, while his intelligence was way above normal, had a little mental handicap radio in his ear. He was required by law to wear it at all times. It was tuned to a government transmitter. Every twenty seconds or so, the transmitter would send out some sharp noise to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains.

Glorious intersectionality.