Iranian Senior Military Advisor: Mutant Spy Lizards Reflect Atomic Waves

Why, yes these people are fully rational. And we should absolutely trust them to use nuclear weapons responsibly. Unless the atomic lizards get to them first.

Western spies used lizards which can 'attract atomic waves' to spy on Iran's nuclear programme, the former chief-of-staff of the nation's armed forces has claimed.

Hassan Firuzabadi, senior military advisor to supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said he did not know the details of the cases, but that the West had often used tourists, scientists and environmentalists to spy on Iran.

Firuzabadi was responding to questions from local media on the recent arrest of environmentalists.

'Several years ago, some individuals came to Iran to collect aid for Palestine,' he said.

'We were suspicious of the route they chose. In their possessions were a variety of reptile desert species like lizards.

'We found out that their skin attracts atomic waves and that they were nuclear spies who wanted to find out where inside the Islamic republic of Iran we have uranium mines and where we are engaged in atomic activities,' he added.

I wonder if these ray reflecting lizards have the same rays as the ones that radiate from women's hair so that they must wear hijabs?

But Islamists sure are paranoid about animals spying on them?

Last month, Hamas claimed that it had captured an Israeli "spy dolphin" off the coast of Gaza after it was caught engaging in "suspicious movements". I'm not sure what those are, but then I'm not a meth-smoking Koran-reading Islamic Supremacist terrorist leader trying to find another press release to email off to Al Jazeera.