New York Voters Sentence Cynthia Nixon to Lifetime of Minor Roles on Sitcoms

New York voters cast their ballots yesterday and the wisdom of the crowd determined that the best lifetime role for Cynthia Nixon involved not the governor's mansion, but a few decades of minor roles on sitcoms lightly referencing her Sex and the City years.

Despite Nixon's promise to fix the subways (without knowing how) or immediately implement socialist medicine while figuring out how to pay for it later, New York voters wisely determined that the socialist candidate's talents should be best used for minor indie movie roles and voiceovers.

While Nixon had promised to make New York the contact point for UFOs and to round up all the Zionists while curing all known diseases with healing crystals, New York voters thought that she should focus on doing funny voices for cartoons and other things that has been actresses with plenty of contacts in the industry can continue to do.

Despite Nixon's contention that as the 22nd incarnation of the Dalai Lama, only she was qualified to reform New York's budget by putting all the illegal aliens on the state payroll, New York voters thought that her talents should be best utilized surprising tourists who spot her crossing the street on the Upper West Side, and then wonder if she's that woman from Suddenly Susan who tried to behead Trump.

But either way, New Yorkers won't have Nixon to kick around anymore.

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