Remember when award shows used to exist so producers could throw lavish parties and schmooze industry types into giving them awards? That’s still true, but now they exist so some ex-talented celeb can launch into his own rant about President Trump.

Now I’m old enough to remember when you couldn’t have an awards show without celebs launching into a call to pull out of Iraq. But that was downright reasonable compared to the tantrums we get now.

Still when late night exists so celebs can rant about Trump, award shows might as well fulfill the same function. And why even bother pretending that the award is based on some kind of creative merit? Just hand out the golden thingie to whoever launches the longest and most pointlessly scatological rant about the President of the United States? That way no one has to pretend that these things are about any kind of intangible merit, just anger management issues and the lack of self-control that comes from media types licking your boots every 3 months.

It’s a modest proposal, unlike the folks most likely to take advantage of it, but it’s also inevitable.

Why bother with the Tony awards, the Oscars, the Emmys and 50 other awards show when you can just have a dozen Trump awards? It’ll be simpler and have the same exact appeal.

Oh, and Bobby DeNiro peaked with Hi Mom. When your film career has turned into Meet the Fockers and The Intern, nothing Trump could do to you would be worse than what you did to yourself.