The Mask of Masculinity

[Order David Horowitz’s new book, America Betrayed, HERE.]

For decades now, boys and men have been repeatedly assaulted by cultural messaging that they are broken, that their very nature is toxic, that they are ticking time bombs of rage. They are told that they suffer behind a “mask of masculinity” and can only truly be free to be themselves when they reject that false façade and embrace their supposedly suppressed feminine side.

An influential example of that messaging was and is a 2015 documentary called The Mask You Live In, by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, founder of a nonprofit called The Representation Project whose mission is to fight “intersectional gender stereotypes” and “build a more equitable future.” Her film makes that conventional left-wing argument that the stereotypical traits we associate with masculinity are culturally conditioned, shaped by society.

One of the featured commentators in the film is “political scientist and educator” Dr. Caroline Heldman, now the Executive Director of The Representation Project, who declares that “masculinity is not organic; it is reactive. It’s not just something that develops. It’s a rejection of everything that is feminine.” She criticizes “assumptions about natural manhood and maleness” – and here she mimes air quotes to suggest that manhood and maleness are not natural – that we pass along to our boys through pop culture, parenting, and education. So for Dr. Heldman, masculinity seems to be entirely a social construct defined simply as the repudiation of femininity.

The film focuses on the worst examples of male behavior as if those are the norm among boys. The serious problem of bullying, for example, is seen as a masculine issue; there is no mention of the female equivalent, the “Mean Girls” syndrome. The documentary doesn’t address girls at all except as victims of a “bro culture” that demeans and disrespects them. The movie presents the underlying assumption that boys are socialized in problematic ways, that girls are fine the way they are, and that boys would be free of all their antisocial behavior if only they were raised to be as emotionally open as girls.

But writing about the film in “Masculinity is More Than Just a Mask” for Time magazine, Christina Hoff Sommers points out that “male reticence has its advantages.” A 2012 study revealed that boys found personal disclosure to be

a tedious waste of time — and “weird.” Contrary to what we learn from Newsom’s film, boys did not find personal disclosure embarrassing or unmasculine. According to the study’s author, Amanda Rose: “Boys’ responses suggest they just don’t see talking about problems to be a particularly useful activity” [emphasis added].

Time and time again, The Mask You Live In emphasizes that many of the boys depicted had violent fathers, or alcoholic fathers, or no fathers at all. “I didn’t know what it meant to be a man. I did not have a father figure in my life,” says one young man. His dad was a wife-beating drug dealer who was in jail for the first two years of his son’s life. That boy went on to find a coach he describes as a “family man, dependable, and reliable,” who showed him that “good men do exist.”

The documentary concludes that “the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country,” but does not pursue this obvious angle that poor paternal role models – or none at all – are at the heart of “toxic” masculinity. Instead, it focuses entirely on the fact that boys aren’t encouraged to cry in public, and suggests that it is this emotional repression which results in such explosive outbursts as school shootings.

This notion that traditional male stoicism constitutes an outmoded caricature of manhood is a constant refrain in discussions of masculinity. The new ideal is a man narcissistically absorbed in exploring his own feelings, a man neutered of the outward-looking drive for achievement and adventure, and yes, even the capacity for violence that are part of his nature.

There is a reason that men traditionally are more emotionally reserved than women: throughout history men have been the providers and protectors, the hunters and warriors, the builders and trailblazers, and those duties demand no small measure of emotional toughness and restraint. That is likewise true of life in today’s urban jungle.

In fact, a 2016 study by Queensland University of Technology’s Peter J. O’Connor and Cressida M. Brown demonstrates that emotionality may protect women from stress but does not protect men from it. Men, the study concludes, best combat stress through self-control. And frankly, no matter how loudly a minority of voices in the culture declare otherwise, most women do not want a man who needs to be cuddled every night after work to keep it together. Women want a husband and a father for their children whom they can count on to be a pillar of strength and resilience in times of stress, emergency, and danger.

Naturally, it’s not healthy for a man to keep everything bottled up. Men should be emotionally secure enough to be privately vulnerable with the right people in their lives when necessary, but all of this cultural pressure for men to publicly reject their masculinity, confess their sins, and denounce their former unenlightened selves smacks of Chinese Cultural Revolution re-education. It’s demeaning.

Amid all the calls today to eradicate toxic masculinity, it’s easy to forget that being a man, or a good man anyway, is not a measure of how macho or in touch with one’s feminine side a man is, but about the values he lives by and how committed he is to upholding them. With that in mind, those who believe that masculinity itself is the problem and who want to feminize men are missing the mark. The aim should be to encourage our young men to embrace their masculine nature while teaching them to tame it and temper it with virtue and character and wisdom. Sure, make room for vulnerability – just not enough to wallow in it; instead, focus on cultivating a righteous strength.

The answer to the problematic behavior of some men is not less manhood, but more – more of the right kind. The answer is not to eradicate manhood but to steer men toward their better nature. We must foster a culture which doesn’t shun masculinity but celebrates the more honorable aspects of it. We must raise boys to be not feminized beta males but strong, respectful, principled gentlemen. This is a solution that acknowledges our human nature, that will bring our culture back into balance, and that is within our power to achieve.

Follow Mark Tapson at Culture Warrior