Hollywood’s Two Movies That Melt Snowflakes

The walking dead of our age.

The cinematic assault on conservatives and conservative values is relentless. Hollywood regularly portrays us as ignorant, hateful, greedy and the enemies of progress.

That’s why it’s so refreshing to find not one but two movies, just released to cable television, that mock New Agers, pacifists, snowflakes and hippies.

“Zombieland: Double Tap,” is a campy parody of zombie movies set in an apocalyptic future where zombies have destroyed civilization and humans fight for survival. Like the first movie, the sequel focuses on four characters – Tallahassee, Columbus, Little Rock and Wichita– a hardy band of survivors who’ve become master zombie-slayers. Rather than using their names, each is known by their hometown.

The leader is Tallahassee, who’s described as looking like Yosemite Sam. He loves Elvis, big guns (the kind which would make Beto O’Rourke faint), monster cars and Twinkies. One of his favorite expressions is “God bless rednecks.” Hillary would call him a deplorable. To Clueless Joe, he’d be one of the dregs of society.

The sequel introduces two new characters – Madison and Berkeley who live up to their names. Madison is a vegan who survived by hiding in a walk-in freezer at a mall, wearing a parka (“Don’t shoot! It’s fake fur.”) and carrying a can of mace.  She’s into peace signs, conflict-avoidance, and comments that reveal an almost unfathomable vacuity.

When told she doesn’t have a vote on the direction the group will take, Madison replies, “Haven’t you heard of women’s suffering?” To Tallahassee, “You’re being super-judgy. I’m getting an anti-me vibe coming off you.” Surveying a ravenous horde of the walking dead, she remarks, “They’re probably more afraid of us than we are of them.” She could be Secretary of Defense in a Biden administration.

Tallahassee: “You know how she survived? Zombies eat brains and she has none!” In the abandoned White House, she wanders into the Oval Office and asks, “Why do they call it the Oval Office?”

Berkeley is a guitar-playing poser who claims he wrote “Like a Rolling Stone,” and carries an economy-size bag of pot. He survived by what he imagines is peaceful co-existence. (“{Namaste.”) When told the group is going to Graceland, Berkeley displays his multicultural bona fides, remarking: “Elvis was a fraud. He ripped off the black man.”

They end up at a commune called Babylon. (“Complete harmony. No guns. No violence. Just Generation Z living in peace and harmony.”) To get in, they have to surrender their weapons which are melted down to make peace-symbol medallions.

When the community is attacked by ravenous hordes, Tallahassee asks its leader: “Do you fight?” The hirsute one replies, “Poverty, sexism, social injustice.” You have to wonder who wrote the script.

In a more serious vein, there’s Quentin Tarantino's latest film, “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.” Set in the Hollywood of 1969, it provides an alternate ending to the Manson murders. The protagonists are a once-famous TV star who’s reduced to making Spaghetti Westerns, and his friend and stuntman double. The villains are Manson’s followers and the ethos of the age.

The hippies of legend were innocent flower children with dirty feet who thought getting high was rebellion against middle-class values (like work and hygiene). They were pathetic, cliché-ridden products of their environment.

Some were non-violent, others less so. Along with SDS and other hardcore leftists, hippies could be found at anti-war riots throwing bags of urine and rocks at the “pigs.” For the real-life Manson Family, rebellion included stabbing to death a pregnant Sharon Tate, to incite a race war.

In “Once Upon A Time,” a Manson cultist tells the stuntman: “Actors are phony. They say things other people write. They pretend to kill people on their stupid shows. In the meantime, people are really dying all the time…in Vietnam.”

Hippies were the beginning of the drug culture, which has done irreparable harm to society. They helped to legitimize casual sex, which led to other contagions. They were zombies intent on devouring middle-class morality.

Today, we’re in Zombieland too, besieged by the  walking-dead of ANTIFA, the Resistance, the MeToo movement, and those who believe Islam is the religion of peace, socialism works, a border wall is racist and Trump colluded with the Russians to steal the 2016 election.

The 2020 election may come down to how many of their zombie followers Democrats get to the polls versus the humans who turn out for Republicans.

Don Feder was a syndicated columnist for the Boston Herald for 19 years. In 2001, the paper published his 2,000th column. Since leaving the Herald he has worked as a communications consultant for various non-profit organizations.


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