In one photo, he’s standing in front of an image of Christ that at first glance looks like a contorted statue of the Buddha. He’s dressed in a skin-tight unflattering pull-over that highlights body flab. Around his neck is a long wooden rosary, a misplaced use of a sacramental.
In other photos, his eyes seem to slant in a locked Machiavellian, snake-in-the-grass stare.
Who is he?
His name is Victor Manuel “Tucho” Fernandez, an Argentine Catholic Archbishop and friend of Pope Francis.
Archbishop Tucho is also a Beat Café style poet, who published ‘Heal Me With Your Mouth: The Art of Kissing,’ a small volume of poetry and prose about the art of open-mouth kissing. (Think: ‘Story of O,’ Terry Southern’s ‘Candy,’ Linda Lovelace in ‘Deep Throat,’ and Allen Ginsberg’s famous line, “This form of life needs sex.”)
“The penetrating kiss is when you suck and slurp with the lips. The penetrating kiss is when you stick in your tongue. Watch out for the teeth,” Tucho writes.
Also from Tucho:
“My boyfriend gets a hard mouth when he kisses me. He hasn’t yet learned how to loosen his lips. Lovely!”
“What I like the most is the kiss of peace at Mass. That was the first kiss with the hottie I have now.”
“I love kissing his fingertips. It gets more affectionate than anything else.”
“I once went crazy with the pleasure I was given from being kissed on the eyes. But I didn’t say this because it’s going to leave me blind.”
Tucho, now referred to as “the kissing archbishop,” says that he wrote his book on kissing to “motivate [young people] to release the best of yourself in a kiss.”
He wanted his young, passionate readers to “kiss better.”
In his little book, he warns of certain pitfalls like bad breath, yet he refrains from suggesting a particular brand of mouthwash.
Clever poet that he is, he refers to kissing as “a thermometer of love.”
Surf the Web and you’ll find, as I did, articles on how to kiss if and when you travel to Argentina. Argentines, we are told, kiss on one cheek unlike the double-cheek Europeans, and the triple-kiss Russians.
“In Argentina, it is customary to give certain people a beso, or kiss, on the right cheek when you say hello or goodbye. If you are not expecting this to happen, or don’t know that it is a thing down here, you will definitely be caught off guard the first couple of times that it happens,” one tourist guide warns.
This in no way it meant to suggest that the country of Eva Peron is all about kissing.
In 1970, the New York Times published a piece, “Militant Leftist Priests Troubling Church and State in Argentina.”
“…The Government is concerned that a bloc of leftist Argentine priests and bishops have become a militant political force in national affairs, including labor strikes, demonstrations and violence,” the Times stated.
In addition, a state security official was quoted as saying that, apart from Communist guerrillas and terrorists involving Peronists in bed with Marxists, “the greatest threat by far facing Argentina today was the militant leftist priesthood.”
Tucho, for instance, who has just been appointed by Pope Francis to head the Vatican’s Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, is no gun-carrying leftist, but he was Francis’ ghost writer for Amoris Laetitia, a 2016 exhortation on love that seems to suggest that sexual morality can change over time (just as kisses can change from surface pecks to deep mouth explorations).
Tucho was rector of the faculty of theology of the Catholic University of Argentina from 2009 to 2018.
He was made Archbishop of La Plata, known as the capital city of the Buenos Aries Province, in 2018.
As Archbishop of La Plata, the prelate put his kisses aside when he issued two successive decrees in 2018 that heavily restricted the use of the Traditional rite of the Mass, despite Pope Benedict XVI’s freeing up of the old rite in 2007 in Motu Proprio Summorum Pontificum.
Francis himself, as archbishop of Buenos Aries, did everything he could to suppress the old rite while supporting puppet Masses and sexy Tango Masses (sans kisses).
When it comes to dancing and popes, however, Saint Pope Pius X (1835-1914) always maintained that the Argentine Tango was a boring dance made for slaves. He also believed that it was off-limits for Catholics.
News of Pope Francis’ appointment of Tucho as the guardian of Catholic orthodoxy sent shockwaves throughout the Catholic world.
The controversy certainly put Tucho on the defensive.
“They refer to a book of mine that no longer exists, that talked about kissing,” the archbishop wrote on his Facebook page.
“I was inspired by a phrase from the time of the Church Fathers that said incarnation was like a kiss from God to humanity.
“At the time I was very young, I was a pastor and I was trying to reach the young. So it occurred to me to write a catechesis for teens based on what kissing means. I wrote this catechesis with the participation of a group of young people who gave me ideas, phrases, poems etc.,” the archbishop added.
Sounding somewhat like William Burroughs in ‘Naked Lunch,’ Tucho added that he wanted to warn young people that “love is in danger” when they have sexual intercourse without kissing.
You can’t just seduce waitresses by slamming them up against a wall like Neal Cassidy and Jack Kerouac did in “On the Road.”
All of this might be fine advice coming from an artist or a poet who doesn’t also claim to be a successor of the apostles.
When Pope Francis was taken to the hospital in early June for abdominal surgery, traditionalist Catholic commentators were quick to write and talk about the pope’s health, urging audiences to pray for him, the successor of Saint Peter, “even if you think he’s a heretic.”
Yet underneath this plea for prayer one felt a certain hopeful ‘something’: could these be the last hours of a pope whom many say has done more to harm the Church than any pope in 1,000 years?
Is this terrible pontificate finally—finally– coming to an end?
When photographs of a noticeably (post-hospital) weakened Francis surfaced, some wondered if the pontiff had been through a ‘purgatorial transition’ in which his globalist transgressions had finally been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit.
Had he had a “blinding light” conversion like Saul of Tarsus?
Would he retract his suppression of the Latin Mass?
Would he rebuke his obsession with the Synodal Path of the German Church and its encroachment into the Universal Church?
To have such hopes is like wishing speeding bullets would stop in midair and descend to earth like punctured hot air balloons.
Francis, abdominal sutures still in place, accelerated his globalist vision with an attack on Bishop Joseph E. Strickland of the Diocese of Tyler, Texas.
Bishop Strickland, a conservative firebrand who once accused Pope Francis of “undermining the Deposit of the Faith,” was the subject of a Vatican investigation a few weeks ago. These investigations, called Apostolic Visitations, usually don’t fare well for the one being investigated.
As the Catholic News Agency reported,
“News of the inquiry into Strickland comes following his participation in a Eucharistic procession and prayer rally in Los Angeles on June 16, organized to protest Major League Baseball’s Los Angeles Dodgers for honoring an anti-Catholic drag group at the team’s annual Pride Night game.”
Then, in a rush against time (and ill-health), Francis appointed 21 new cardinals, prelates in total alignment with his woke theological and Synodal Path obsessions, all but guaranteeing that the next pope will be something of a mega-Francis.
Francis’ revolution, as one Catholic observer noted, is an “unending revolution world without end.”
Among Francis’ picks for the red hat in October, will be the kissing Tucho archbishop who says that when we kiss we should “Watch out for the teeth.”
In the meantime, this disastrous pontificate rolls on its merry way, expelling faithful priests who offer the traditional mass, and promoting fake Catholic (criminal) families like the Biden’s in Washington.
“Ten years after that catastrophic vote [to elect him] in the Sistine Chapel,” writes Vatican observer Damian Thompson, “We have reached a moment of extreme crisis in the life of the Church.
“Francis is tightening his control of the Vatican’s machinery, with no plans to retire. A new pope would have been nice—a couple of years ago. Now I think it’s too late. The Church may never recover its moral authority.”