Alternative headline. Mayor of one of nation’s largest cities makes shutdown permanent.

In an interview about L.A.’s coronavirus efforts on Good Morning America on Wednesday, the mayor asserted that the city will “never be completely open until we have a cure.”

There’s no cure or likely to be one. Ever. So this lockdown is permanent now?

Mayor Garcetti decided to roll out an order mandating that everyone wear face masks outside, despite the complete lack of science behind it, even as 80 and 90 degree temperatures roll in.

But wait, he doesn’t want to run a police state.

“I don’t want to turn Los Angeles into some sort of police state,” Garcetti said.

But you know, sometimes slavery is freedom.

“Bring you mask with whenever you leave your home,” Garcetti said. “That will help us get more freedoms.”

Give up your freedom. That will help you get more freedoms.

“This isn’t about government doing something to us,” said the mayor. “This is about collective decisions.”

Which collective is making these decisions? When do people or you know, the Bill of Rights, get a say in this?

But, to paraphrase Barry, “Government is just another word for collectives making decisions for us. Like ordering us to wear masks forever.”

At the end of his prepared remarks, the mayor tried to return to an upbeat tone. “As always,” he said, “I send you light and love from the bottom of my heart.”

And magic auras. There’s only one way this post can end.