Lake Calhoun is the largest lake in Minneapolis. It’s pretty nice as lakes go. But its clear waters make Minnesota lefties very angry because they claim that the lake is named after John Calhoun, the seventh vice president of the United States who has been declared a non-person, and they would rather erase him and give it an unpronouncable name that everyone except social justice grads hate.
The problem is that Lake Calhoun may have allegedly been named after Lieutenant Calhoun who had done some surveying in the region according to a newspaper article of the time. And, in any case, the proposal to change the name of the lake to something that sounds like a bad ska band or a tropical disease, didn’t exactly score without business owners.
Now Save Lake Calhoun, which had been the object of a great deal of media fury and contempt, has triumphed in court.
Lake Calhoun is back.
Supporters of the Minneapolis body of water’s longstanding name won a victory Monday when the Minnesota Court of Appeals found the state overstepped its authority when it reverted the lake to its Dakota name, Bde Maka Ska.
If you come down with Bde Maka Ska, contact your nearest doctor, avoid touching small berries and sneeze into a large handkerchief.
The higher court’s ruling comes about a year and a half after the state’s Department of Natural Resources commissioner approved the name change despite strong opposition from some homeowners around the lake. The homeowners said the switch was an unnecessary attempt to rewrite history that would hamper businesses that used the name Lake Calhoun.
Because Bde Maka Ska Cafe doesn’t exactly have the same sound. Or food poisoning prospects.
While the legal decision means the lake will go back to Lake Calhoun for local purposes, it will remain Bde Maka Ska on the federal level seeing as the name has already been adopted by the federal Board on Geographic Names, according to DNR Assistant Commissioner Jess Richards.
That is a problem that Trump can solve.
The Board operates under the Secretary of the Interior. David Bernhardt. A Trump appointee.
“It’s a big and surprising victory so we are really happy,” said Erick Kaardal, the attorney who represented Save Lake Calhoun. “We’re glad that the public official here is being held accountable for violation of the law.”
But Minnesota public officials will go on violating the law. For social injustice.
Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey said on Twitter that despite the ruling, he will keep referring to the lake by its Dakota name.
“I will continue to call Bde Maka Ska by its rightful name,” Frey tweeted. “That was the lake’s name before people who look like me renamed it to honor a slavery apologist and — as far as I’m concerned — that is still its name today.”
Also America’s real name is Frump Porag Goobol. And Jacob Frey’s name is Squirrel Pants. And should be referred to that way.
Brad Bourn, the president of the Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board, said the agency was not part of the lawsuit and does not plan on changing any of the signs around lake.
“I have no intention of spending any public resources honoring Vice President John C. Calhoun’s blood-soaked legacy of systemic violence against all our communities,” he said in a statement.
Those public officials do keep violating the law.