In news bound to surprise and shock the naive among us, the Secret Service concluded its investigation of the most secure place in the country and was unable to determine who left the cocaine in the White House.
It also has no idea who had previously left drugs lying around the place.
The Secret Service has concluded its investigation into the small bag of cocaine found at the White House and has been unable to identify a suspect, according to a statement from the US Secret Service.
That tells us it wasn’t a Republican. If it had been, the FBI would have raided him last week.
White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre expressed confidence last week that Secret Service will “get to the bottom” of the incident.
And they did. The results tell us that the Secret Service got to the bottom, got into a black limo and drove the other way. Had the cocaine been left by an assorted visitor or low-level staffer, they would have been nailed.
So it was left by someone who was too important to nail, a top official, someone’s family member, a major donor or someone who otherwise could not be touched without a whole lot more incentive.
Considering that this is the same administration which has been caught lying for months to lawmakers and the media about the status of Iran envoy Rob Malley, who was actually under investigation by the FBI for mishandling classified information, cocaine lies would be no big deal.
Still I think a consensus should shortly emerge that, much like the laptops, the Russians planted cocaine in the White House to frame Hunter Biden.
Once the experts and the intelligence community arrive at this conclusion, it’ll be time to announce that any other explanation is misinformation and needs to be censored for threatening democracy.