Joe Biden is going to pick someone to stand on the podium when he delivers his concession speech. All we know is it’s going to be a woman. The sports betting industry has to choose between betting on Biden’s V.P. pick and betting on crickets mating in Yankee Stadium. Here to help them out is our top 5 women whom Joe Biden might pick to be his losing mate.

5. Flo – The Progressive pitchwoman does work for a progressive corporation that progressively abuses its customers. She’s also the best known human being associated with the word “progressive”. As a millennial, she would help Biden tap into the base of young people who don’t watch auto insurance commercials. 

4. Wilma Flintstone – No one has told Joe Biden that the Flintstones aren’t real. Every time the TV is on, he asks his nurse, Betty, to, “Turn on that cave man documentary.” This isn’t true, but it’s as true as anything that the New York Times reports about Trump. While Wilma isn’t real, neither is Biden’s presidential campaign. And with virtual campaigning and mail-in voting, no one needs to know.

3. Evita – As a successful wife and dictator, Eva Peron has legitimate executive and mating experience. While she did die in 1952, so did Joe Biden’s brain. So it’s a pretty good match.

2. Senator Martha Pettlestone – She doesn’t exist. Or ever did. But Biden keeps insisting that Senator Martha Pettlestone should be on the list. His staff has tried to get him to spell her name, and he spells it differently each time. It’s awkward.

1. Betty – No one can manage Biden like Betty, his nurse, who turns his TV on and off, serves him a glass of prune juice, and gives him his pills, including his happy pills, and his concentration pills. Let’s face it, if he wins, she’s gonna be running the White House anyway.